This couple learned how to get stronger through postpartum depression and conflict. Listen how they navigated a big personal crisis and how they helped each other get through it.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

• Denise & TJ's story [11:00]
• Experiencing spirituality through your partner [13:00]
• What happens when both partners in a relationship tend to 'take charge'? [18:00]
• Challenges that come up when you move in together [20:00]
• Dealing with constant conflict with no resolution [24:00]
• Dropping the story of 'I don't need anyone else' and finding value in relationship [33:00]
• How to use experience to be more resourced each time you're in conflict with your partner [37:00]
• How exploring plant medicines helped Denise & TJ on their journey [38:00]
• 1 lesson Denise & TJ learnt through The Relationship School ® that impacted them the most [45:00]
• How to use conflict to understand your partner better [50:00]

QUESTION:
I understand that men generally will put career and providing at the top of their priority list, while relationships might hover near the bottom. Relationship is a top priority for me, so how do I get to the place where i’m ok with not being at the top of the list for my guy?
How do I not take it personally? Do I need to be looking for someone who’ll put our relationship at the top of their list and make me a priority - or is that a childhood fantasy?
 - Vanessa from Santa Monica

SHOWNOTES

• Vanessa's question [1:00]
• Understanding what it takes for a fulfilling relationship  [2:00]
• When two people in a relationship have different values [3:00]
• How you can express your hurt to your partner without getting 'blamey' [4:00]
• Should you learn to be okay with not being a priority to your partner? [5:00]

Fighting and emotional upset is just part of the program in a committed relationship over many years. But what separates the smart couple from people who really struggle is being able to repair well. In this episode, my wife Ellen Boeder covers why "the repair" is so critical in a strong partnership. It's essential as a parent, so why would it be any different with your partner. Listen in to get a few tips on how to do this fundamental skill and learn from Ellen and me as we share from our own marriage.

SHOWNOTES

• What does a good relationship look and feel like? [7:00]
• Why feeling ‘safe’ is essential for a good relationship [8:00]
• Why ‘I’m sorry’ is a bad repair-strategy [18:00]
• What Ellen calls the ‘micro-repair’[20:00]
• How to really listen to your partner after conflict without getting triggered [23:00]
• What are some quick ways to reset the nervous system when words aren’t working? [30:00]
• Ellen’s advice on conflict and repair for couples [34:00]

QUESTION:
I’m single and broken up with four months ago and have decided to take time out of the dating pool to get to know myself more, reflect on my last relationship and to enjoy my own company.
The thing is, i know that in the near future, I want a partner. What is your advice on choosing a partner?
To be more specific, I’m aware of the relationship process of the honeymoon phase, then the real partnership where you get to know the real person… Since in the honeymoon phase usually people try to be their best selves and not always their authentic selves, how can you identify these characteristics of growth and development mindsets, self-awareness, kindness, trustworthiness?
- Mariana from Mexico

SHOWNOTES

• Mariana’s question [1:00]
• What you can do to really get to know someone you’re dating [2:00]
• Why do we hide parts of ourselves from the person we're dating? [4:00]
• How do you get a great relationship? [7:00]

Here at The Relationship School®, we focus on the long-term relationship game.

But what if you're ready for a relationship but can't find one?

This week, I invited Marni Battista to help shed some light on how single women can break out of their comfort zones, start dating and find a quality guy (without repeating the same patterns over and over again).

Make sure to listen for her advice on how to get past the last 10% of unconscious patterns that keep most single women stuck in their comfort zone.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

• How Marni became a dating coach [9:00]
• Learning from mistakes and ‘bad dates’ [15:00]
• How people get stuck in blame and attract bad dates [16:00]
• How dating can reveal where you have unfinished self-work [24:00]
• What Marni calls the ‘love shield’ and how it can keep you stuck [26:00]
• The danger of quick-fix dating solutions [32:00]
• Baby-steps for women who need to leave a bad relationship [44:00]
• Does it matter how you date in the modern world? [36:00]
• The trap of binge-dating and burning out [38:00]
• The most common mistake people make in their dating profiles [40:00]
• Should you tell your date your non-negotiables on the first date? [43:00]
• Advice for singles who are dating [45:00]

QUESTION:
I keep running away from relationships with the opposite sex when they start to get close or use the ‘L word’, basically because I think I’m not good enough for them or they’d end up leaving me. I also find it difficult to initiate talks with other people - what do I do?
- Elias

SHOWNOTES

• This episode's question [1:00]
• The irony in running away because you're scared of being left [2:00]
• Fear of being alone is human. Here's how you can use it to build intimacy [3:00]
• Working on your triggers around abandonment [4:00]
• Owning your fear [6:00]
• Dealing with self-worth issues [8:00]

Pat Ogden PhD is a pioneer when it comes to somatic trauma therapy. Her work has touched many people including me. Even if you don't think you have any trauma, you likely have some living in your body that your partner will activate. In this episode, Pat has some great guidance to normalize and assist you in taking small steps that will greatly benefit you and your partner as you wade through the daily triggers of long-term relationship.

SHOWNOTES

• What got Pat into studying human beings and trauma [10:00]
• How Pat helped women who had difficulty experiencing sexual pleasure [13:00]
• What is trauma? [17:00]
• Why we see the ‘freeze response’ in people who were abused as children [19:00]
• How childhood neglect can show up as trauma in adults [20:00]
• What’s happening in the bodies of a couple who fights all the time? [22:00]
• The pursuer and withdrawer dynamic in relationship [26:00]
• Can we rewire our nervous systems together as a couple? [28:00]
• The significance of the therapist-client bond [33:00]
• What couples can do at home to work with their automatic nervous system responses [37:00]
• Is there harm in retelling a traumatic story? [43:00]
• Pat’s advice on embodying the self [49:00]

QUESTION:
What are your thoughts on the ‘Don’t go to bed angry’ rule?

SHOWNOTES

• This episode's question [1:00]
• When taking a time-out overnight is the best thing you can do [3:00]
• Rigid rules vs agreements [6:00]
• How you can make agreements with your partner that leave room for flexibility [8:00]

Ever feel like you're tolerating shitty behavior, shouldering the burden of being the ‘therapist’ in the relationship, or constantly giving to others (and talking yourself out of your own needs)?

Valuing ourselves and having confidence in our boundaries is key to getting more of what you want and less of what you don’t want - especially in relationship.

Danielle Laporte is an expert at helping women find their ‘white hot truth'.  She’s got a gift for translating spirituality, self-help and ‘new age’ thinking into something more palatable for women who are growth-oriented and wanting more in their lives.

In this episode, we cover why it's a bad idea to be the therapist in the relationship, boundaries, feeling inadequate (and the lies that the 'new age' world sell us), thinking that we’re asking ‘too much,’ how to value yourself and much more.

SHOWNOTES

• Danielle's story [11:00]
• The difference between someone who learns from their pain vs someone who stays stuck [18:00]
• How encouragement through childhood shapes who we grow into [19:00]
• The trap of believing you’re ‘not enough’ and what Danielle calls the ‘Lie of Inadequacy’ [29:00]
• The issue of inadequacy in relationship and what to do to counter feeling ‘not enough’ [36:00]
• What is the “Spiritual Woman Trap”? [38:00]
• Working with the inner-child to move toward wholeness [46:00]
• Why boundaries matter to the growth-oriented person [47:00]
• The ‘Poly movement’ - do open relationships work? [60:00]
• Advice for men, women, and parents [66:00]