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The Relationship School Podcast

Learn street level, practical tools to have better relationships from a real dude who is a solid husband and father. Jayson Gaddis, founder of The Relationship School, interviews couples, experts, neuroscientists, therapists, coaches, and everyday people to help you have the best relationships possible. Watch your long-term partnerships, family relationships, friendships, and work relationships get better. Jayson offers a fun action step at the end of each episode. Let's do this people! Let's learn how to love bigger! The world needs it.
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Now displaying: Page 1
Jun 3, 2020

As the pandemic continues, one of the most charged topics that’s come up is mask wearing. Many people are wearing them because their area requires it and/or they think it’ll help stop the spread. Others aren’t because their area has more relaxed rules and/or they think it’s holding them back from a much-needed return to normal life.

Either way, it’s turned into a divisive issue with people internally or even publicly shaming each other for wearing or not wearing a mask. 

This is a prime example of conflict, something that happens in our intimate relationships all the time. We want others to conform to our values and do what we’re doing. But this behavior just isn’t realistic.

Join me in episode 293 of the RS podcast to dig deeper into the issue and discuss how we can resolve a lot of the conflict we feel by actively listening to each other and learning about both viewpoints.

Useful Links:
https://relationshipschool.com/rct/

May 27, 2020

As a man, I have wrestled with my sexuality most of my life. 

That’s why I love it when other men are willing to “go there.” 

Here’s another rich conversation with two men getting honest about us guys in the bedroom. 

I first spoke to Destin Gerek a few years ago in episode 98 about evolving masculinity, and the man who used to call himself the Erotic Rockstar joins me again in episode 292 to build off that conversation and talk his new book The Evolved Masculine: Be the Man the World Needs & the One She Craves.

Click here to listen.

We discuss what an evolved man looks like 2020, why some men fear their masculinity, and the vulnerability of embracing the feminine within. We also talk intimately about common male sexuality issues and feeling satisfied not only with our partners, but with ourselves.

This is a good one for men AND women -- go check it out!

 

Shownotes:
  • 2:53 Introduction Destin Gerek
  • 8:05 Masculine and feminine energy
  • 10:00 Why some men are afraid to show their masculine side
  • 11:25 The impact of the #MeToo movement on men
  • 17:00 How men can use their sexuality as a gift for women
  • 24:40 Men must believe they are worthy of sex
  • 27:00 How can men cultivate a healthy sexual relationship?
  • 31:25: What can men do to improve their sexual performance
  • 44:30 How our relationship with our parents affect the relationship with our partners
  • 48:20 How men can be better husbands and a better dads
  • 54:15 Action Step

 

Useful Links:

May 20, 2020

In episode 291 of The Relationship School podcast I spoke with CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke, co-founders of Thrive! Inc. coaching and consulting which specializes in resolving conflict in the workplace and using it to fuel greater teamwork and collective creativity.

They’ve worked with everyone from tech startups to Fortune 100 companies and have written books on the subject and even started their own podcast.  

The two women, also life partners, have pretty incredible life stories and are just as passionate about conflict as I am, albeit in a corporate setting. 

We talked about some of their own defining moments with conflict, speaking up to power, the importance of having real conversations, and how embracing conflict, as awful as it can be, can truly be life changing. 

Have a listen!

 

Shownotes:

  • 3:45 Introduccion CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke
  • 12:35 Most common problems for people and teams inside different organizations
  • 16:00 How to start tackling conflict and communication issues inside work teams
  • 25:05 Tools for work teams to improve communication
  • 29:40: How to give and receive feedback from others
  • 38:40 Action step

Useful links:

May 13, 2020

Did I choose the wrong person? Are we just incompatible? These are a few of the tough questions many couples ask themselves at some point in their relationship, usually when that blissful honeymoon period ends and real life sh*t begins. 

And there’s an even more important question to ask if you are interested in this subject. It boils down to what you both want. 

Join me in episode 290 of the RS podcast for a quick but meaningful conversation about incompatibility with me and my wife Ellen. We chat about when incompatibility issues typically arise, why it happens (i.e. when the stress comes in, the truth comes out), and how being different people doesn’t automatically make you incompatible.

If you are thinking you and your partner (or ex) might be incompatible, this is a must listen. 

Come learn the bigger question we need to ask ourselves about our partners and if the relationship is right for you.

 

Useful Links:

May 6, 2020

The brain is a beautiful thing, isn’t it? Our brains are what shape us as human beings, but do you ever wonder what’s shaping your brain?

Join me in Episode 289 as I chat with neuroscientist Dr. Judy Cameron about her breakthrough research into the brain and how we as adults can help our children have sturdier brain development (this is so important for our future).

In the past, brain development was thought to be mainly due to genetic programming, but Dr. Cameron shares how it’s actually life experiences from the time you’re born onward that play a larger role.

That means giving our children healthy experiences right now is key for them to build the best brains possible!

Come listen and prepare for some mind-blowing stuff!

 

Shownotes:
  • 3:50 Introduction Dr. Judy Cameron
  • 12:30 Where are we at as a society on rising kids
  • 16:45 Does trauma inhibit brain development?
  • 21:50 Understanding what causes some kids to have social issues 
  • 36:45 How can kids learn new and better habits or skills?
  • 41:10 “Flexibility” as a necessary tool for adults to help theirs kids learn
  • 46:30 The importance of building emotional skills at early ages
  • 53:40 Getting “stuck” is related to learning difficulties
  • 1:00:15 How can we strengthen our brain as adults

Useful Links:

Apr 29, 2020

Making love is a pretty straightforward act, but man do we love to make it complicated.

How society views sex has always been messy and made wose -- hold your gasp of surprise here -- for women. 

It’s about time we ditch this double standard, right?

Join me as I chat with relationship expert and Relationship School Ambassador Dr. Alexandra Solomon about sexuality, relational self awareness and all the complexities of sex (and boy there are a lot of them).

We discuss how the resurgence of the #MeToo movement in 2017 was the final push she needed to write her new book Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want.

Dr. Solomon, also the author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want, wanted to add her voice and contribute to this new chapter in conversations around gender, power and sex.

Come listen as we talk more about the inspiration behind her writing and what women can do to discover their own unique erotic expression. 

 

Shownotes:
  • 3:10 Introduction Dr. Alexandra Solomon
  • 10:40 About relational self-awareness
  • 14:00 Lessons learned while writing her book
  • 17:30 Guidance for young people about their sexuality
  • 21:05 Women getting in touch with their own sexuality
  • 23:15 At what point should parents have conversations about sexuality with their daughters
  • 28:00 Differences on how society perceives female masturbation
  • 31:50 What can men do to help women explore their sexuality
  • 35:20 How men’s sexual performance is used to define manliness
  • 37:40 Your feelings are data and you can learn from them
  • 39:20 Advice for married couples on how to keep their sex life alive
  • 43:15 The spiritual side of sex
  • 47:20 Action Step

Useful Links:

Apr 26, 2020

Did you know 1 in 10 Americans take an antidepressant? Yup.

For some, the treatment can really help. Yet for many, it doesn’t do much. The COVID-19 pandemic is pushing people like never before.

Some of us in a good way, but others are suffering even more. In fact, I think we’re on the brink of a mental health crisis.

That’s why I asked my good friend Dr. Will Vanderveer, an integrative psychiatrist, to speak to us about what we can do as practitioners (therapists and coaches), but also as people who suffer from mental health challenges such as depression.

I think you’ll find this very eye opening. Listen now!

 

Shownotes:
  • (5:30) Introduction Will Vanderveer
  • (7:20) Covid-19 Crisis
  • (9:10) About Integrative Care and Integrative psychiatry
  • (14:20) Differences between Mental Health and Physical health professionals
  • (32:30) The impact of childhood trauma on health and recommendations
  • (39:10) Research on psychedelics as treatment
  • (51:40) The importance of the right guidance on psychedelic treatments
  • (56:25) How we are treating mental health on this day and age
  • (1:04:30) Action Step

 

Useful Links:

Apr 20, 2020

Have you let someone know how you are lately? How you really are? Because it’s okay to not be okay right now.

I encourage you to be more honest with yourself and your friends and family when we all share how we’re holding up in this uncertain world. How did they handle your truth?

In this podcast, I check in with you and share 3 tips on how to face interpersonal stress and conflict and only get stronger from it.

This is good advice anytime of year, but especially now when our relationships are experiencing way more stress than normal.

Because we all crave human contact, but what happens when we’re constantly in close quarters with people? Or all by ourselves? Stress and conflict, that’s what. But it doesn’t have to be that way!

Please listen and start taking action now to better your situation tomorrow.

And, as always, share with someone you know who is struggling.

 

Shownotes:
 
  • (5:30) Introduction Will Vanderveer
  • (7:20) Covid-19 Crisis
  • (9:10) About Integrative Care and Integrative psychiatry
  • (14:20) Differences between Mental Health and Physical health professionals
  • (32:30) The impact of childhood trauma on health and recommendations
  • (39:10) Research on psychedelics as treatment
  • (51:40) The importance of the right guidance on psychedelic treatments
  • (56:25) How we are treating mental health on this day and age
  • (1:04:30) Action Step

 

Useful Links:

Apr 15, 2020

Depending on your situation, the pandemic and economic uncertainty can leave any “normal” person feeling out of control, overwhelmed, or afraid.

So, here is a great interview with my friend who is a skilled meditation instructor.

Cory walks you through a simple process you can do in 5-10 minutes that will help you calm down and regain control of your thinking and your emotions.

Please listen and/or forward to someone you know who is struggling.

 

Shownotes:
 
  • (3:20) Introduction Cory Muscara
  • (15:50) Looking for answers in the wrong people
  • (19:55) Core teachings at Cory’s retreats
  • (23:05) Meditation practice to achieve an internal sense of safety on these difficult times
  • (35:10) Reviewing the 5 steps to work on our fears and frustrations
  • (39:15) How this meditation practices help you be more proactive with your situation
  • (43:25) Self-acceptance vs. self-mastery
  • (50:35) Explaining the concept of “Developing/cultivating a witness”
  • (59:25) Final advice from Cory
  • (1:03:30) Action Step
 

Useful Links:

Apr 8, 2020

Word is that child abuse and domestic violence are on the rise right now due to people being stuck at home.

And, if China is any indication, divorce could increase a lot once we are through this. “Shelter in place” is a great move with a big downside for some people.

If you are stuck at home with people that are difficult, including a roommate or partner, lockdown isn’t that fun. In fact, it can bring out the worst in us.

So, my wife and I thought we’d record a short podcast with some tips for couples who are feeling stuck at home

Plus, if you have children, there’s a bonus section at the end of this podcast with my kids!

 

Useful Links:

Apr 1, 2020

This is an extremely intimate and powerful episode with world-renowned speaker Philip McKernan.

He asks you 2 questions that can completely change how you show up right now during this global crisis.

I’ve been reflecting on these 2 questions since our interview. They are deep, very personal, and helpful.

Listen below.

 

Shownotes:
 
(4:25) Introduction Philip McKernan
(7:50) Orienting yourself in times of crisis
(10:55) How difficult times can make you change your perspective
(14:20) Asking yourself “Who are you going to be during this crisis”
(19:20) Dealing with your anxiety
(20:50) How difficult times can help you grow
(26:40) Making better choices to overcome crisis
(29:35) Should you compare yourself to other people?
(34:30) What can you do to accept yourself as you are
(39:30) Self-development during difficult times
(44:40) Stop making everything about you
(49:50) Making and impact by being your true self
(59:15) Advice for therapists and coaches helping others
(1:05:50) Action Step

 

Useful Links:
 
https://onelasttalk.com/the-book/
https://philipmckernan.com/
Mar 30, 2020

In this episode we talk briefly about fear and how to deal with it.

http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Mar 24, 2020

I think you’ll find this podcast interview very helpful right now. It’s a good reminder of how to work through adversity.

My guest is Mark Divine, a former Navy Seal. This guy’s a machine and doing so much good in the world right now.

Pay special attention to how he got into the Navy Seals.

There are some good lessons that will help you be stronger right now.

 

Shownotes:

  • (5:10) Introduction Mark Divine
  • (9:45) Getting into the navy seals
  • (16:45) Meditation Breathing advice
  • (20:40) The importance of training your thoughts and calm your mind
  • (26:45) Using meditation to pinpoint and solving inner problems
  • (36:15) Dealing with problems and staying focused on your mission
  • (42:00) Why people struggle with their own minds
  • (46:35) How young people can become more resilient on adversity
  • (50:20) The implications of cutting corners
  • (56:35) Self-mastery vs Self-Acceptance
  • (1:08:15) Action Step

Useful Links:

https://markdivine.com/

https://staringdownthewolf.com/code-home

https://www.amazon.com/Staring-Down-Wolf-Leadership-Commitments/dp/1250231582

https://unbeatablemind.com/about-mark-divine/

https://sealfit.com/

 

Mar 17, 2020

Are you practicing social distancing? How are you doing this without being a jerk? BOUNDARIES. :)  Here are a few simple tips and my thoughts on how we can stay connected during this crisis. These are intense times and I encourage you to stay at home and learn.

 

Useful Links:

http://relationshipschool.com/connected https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/ https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/ Chris kresser- RHR: Everything You Need to Know about Coronavirus, with Dr. Ramzi Asfour https://chriskresser.com/everything-you-need-to-know-about-coronavirus-with-dr-ramzi-asfour/ Sam Harris podcast - Making Sense https://samharris.org/podcasts/191-early-thoughts-pandemic/

Mar 10, 2020

I love teenagers! As you know I used you to work with troubled teens in a variety of settings, from drug treatment centers to wilderness therapy programs.

I think to be skilled with teens requires some serious skill. That’s why I brought my friend Aaron Huey on the podcast to discuss how to deal with difficult teens.

If you are not a parent, this will still be valuable as we discuss addiction, boundaries, and enabling, all issues that come up in adult relationships too.

Listen now!

Shownotes:

  • (4:30) Introduction Aaron Huey
  • (11:40) How people can get more empowered and overcome victimhood (16:20)
  • Advice for parents of kids getting bullied (18:15)
  • Exploring negative behaviors on teenagers (22:40)
  • About parents expecting treatment centers to fix their kids behavior (26:15)
  • Should we blame and call out parents?
  • (28:50) Creating family behavior contracts
  • (33:00) 4 things that families can do to prevent negative children’s behaviors and decisions
  • (36:55) Why parents enable kids’ negative behavior
  • (43:15) How mothers react different than fathers
  • (48:55) Advice for teenagers struggling with addictions
  • (1:00:00) https://firemountainprograms.com/
  • (1:05:35) Action Step

Useful Links:

https://firemountainprograms.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Mar 6, 2020

In last week’s podcast, I answered the question people ask me all the time, “Is it okay to have expectations?” 

I came up with 6 expectations that are reasonable to have in a partnership. 

But it’s also important for us to discuss when it’s not okay or when it’s a bad idea to have expectations. I came up with 8 big ones that I DO NOT recommend. 

The biggest one is expecting someone else to live according to your values. Ouch. People do this one all the time, including me! Doah! 

Check out this week’s podcast to hear the other 7. 

Enjoy

 

Shownotes:
 
(0:50) 8 unrealistic expectations
(1:35) Expecting your partner to have your exact same values
(4:55) Expecting your partner to look a certain way
(7:15) Expecting your partner to have sex whenever you want
(8:35) Expecting your partner to be available for you 100 % of the time
(9:25) Expecting your partner to be everything for you
(11:42) Expecting your partner to never be attracted to other people
(12:35) Expecting your partner to never speak to people of the opposite sex
(14:50) Expecting your partner to fill the hole around your self-worth
(16:25) Action Step
 
Useful Links:
Part 1: https://relationshipschool.site/podcast278
http://relationshipschool.com/connected
Mar 4, 2020

Is it okay to have expectations in relationships?

My answer is nuanced. It’s a YES, and it’s a No.

Listen to this short podcast and discover the six expectations that I think are totally reasonable to have in a relationship, especially a partnership.

Shownotes:
 
(2:35) 6 reasonable expectations in relationships
(4:50) Fairness
(5:50) Feeling emotionally safe
(7:35) Respect
(8:50) Mutual Contribution
(10:00) Solving problems together
(11:05) Knowing and understanding each other
(13:35) Action step
 
Useful Links:
 
https://relationshipschool.com/community
Feb 26, 2020

One of my mentors, Dan Siegel, is back on the podcast for his 3rd interview. 

This time, we dive deep into attachment-based parenting. Dan’s work, which my wife and I study intently, is how I parent my own children. The cool thing about Dan is what a nerd he is around research-based approaches and information. 

We cover the 4 S’s from his “Power of Showing Up” book. It’s so good. 

Check it out and please apply this to your own parenting (if you are one). 

 

Shownotes:

  • 3:25: Introduction Dan Siegel
  • 4:40: How kids’ behavior is different in this day and age.
  • 7:30: New parenting challenges
  • 14:15: About secure attachment
  • 22:00: The 4 S’s
  • 24:25:Safety
  • 28:05: Seen
  • 30:00 Soothe
  • 31:10 Security
  • 33:10 Attachment and parenting roles
  • 38:10: Research about secure attachment in kids and adolescents
  • 42:50: It’s possible to provide secure attachment even in parents who didn’t have it
  • 45:40: Action step

 

Useful Links:

Feb 18, 2020

I first got introduced to Ken Wilber when I was in grad school. The guy’s mind is insanely brilliant.

He takes a lot of maps of human development and consciousness and weaves them together in what he calls integral theory.

My guest on this week’s podcast is Keith Witt.

He’s worked with Ken for years.  We dig into Relationships of course, but from an integral lens.

I ask him about the common relationship dynamic where one person claims they are more “developed” than the other

What do we do? Interesting answers to come.

Check it out.

 

Shownotes:
 
  • 4:35: Introduction Keith Witt
  • 11:20: What is “Integral”
  • 14:00 Looking at relationships in an Integral way
  • 18:20 The importance of lines of development for relationships
  • 29:30 How the adaptive unconscious interferes with your personal growth
  • 37:20 How people can learn to be self-aware and evolve
  • 45:10 Lines of development that can help you on long-term relationship

USEFUL LINKS

DR. Keith Witt Website
Book: Shadow Light: Illuminations at the Edge of Darkness
Book: Integral Mindfulness: Clueless to Dialed in - How Integral Mindful Living Makes Everything 
Book: THE GIFT OF SHAME: Why We Need Shame and How To Use it To Love and Grow
100 reasons not to have the secret affair: Keith Witt at TEDxAmericanRiviera
http://relationshipschool.com/connected

 

Feb 12, 2020

If you or someone you love suffers from PTSD check this out.  

According to the American Psychiatric Association, PTSD can be a disabling condition that impacts about 3.5 percent of U.S. adults. And women are twice as likely as men to have PTSD.

Eeek. 

Trauma is everywhere and I think most of us have experienced it at some point in our lives. 

That’s why I like to interview folks on the subject. 

My friend Arielle goes deep in this episode and defines both trauma and PTSD. 

 

Shownotes:

  • (3:15) Introduction Arielle Schwartz
  • (12:05) The body vs the mind on personal growth
  • (12:25) About PTSD
  • (21:20) The importance of being present
  • (28:55) How to know if you are experiencing PTSD
  • (33:10) How to develop resiliency   
  • https://drarielleschwartz.com/
  • 43:20) Action Step
Jan 29, 2020
Do you have needs? Do you own them? Or do you know you have needs, but then you get scared to ask for them to be met because you're afraid the other person will leave? Understandable. Most people are used to sequestering their needs in exchange for scraps of connection. Please don't do this.
 
I've done a lot of work with my own needs to determine that I do in fact have them in an adult partnership, and that i'm unwilling to not have them met. I'm also willing to offer these needs to my wife forever. Most people pretend they don't have needs in a partnership because being "needy" is bad in this culture.
 
But I'm here to let you know you have 4 needs that are not negotiable if you want to really go for it and create a secure partnership over time.
 
What are they?
1. Feeling safe
2. Feeling seen
3. Feeling soothed
4. Feeling supported/challenged
 
Think I'm crazy? Just listen as I unpack each one and I think you'll get the idea. Enjoy this short podcast episode and share with a friend who thinks they don't have needs! lol.
 
Shownotes:
 
(2:35) The 4 needs for security in a long-term relationship
(4:20) How to recognize an insecure relationship
(7:30) Feeling Safe
(8:15) Feeling Seen
(9:15) Feeling Soothed
(10:20) Felling supported and challenged
 
Jan 21, 2020

What is men's work? Most people are unclear what this term means, but once you find out, you'll be cheering on men who are involved in it. In this podcast, I interview one of the key players in the largest men's organizations in the world. We cover some very intimate subjects, including #metoo, fatherhood, and the power of getting together as men.

 

Shownotes:
 
(3:35) Introduction
(7:20) About Men’s Work
(10:55) Male relationships inside a family
(14:50) What is Men’s Work
(20:10) How a man can get out of his “Boy code” programming.
(25:40) How trauma causes addictions that keep you stuck
(31:10) How Men’s Work is getting more Popular
(37:50) Thoughts about the #MeToo movement
(43:25) Boysen’s experience as a father
https://mankindproject.org/
https://twitter.com/boysenh?lang=en
(53:15) Action step
 
Jan 15, 2020

Your closest relationships will end one day. Other than dying, do you know the 2 most common reasons relationships end? Listen here to find out and leave a comment below or in our FB group. This one can get people stirred up.

 

Shownotes:
  • (1:55) 2 main reasons why relationships end
  • (3:30) Outgrowing your partner
  • (6:20) Not being able to handle yourself or your partner
  • (11:20) “Falling out of love”

Useful Links:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/749008838533400/ https://relationshipschool.com/dpir/

Jan 8, 2020

Joan Borysenko is an amazing woman who has some wonderful life lessons around resiliency, making meaning, and developing safety in your relationship life. In this podcast, you'll learn how to dig deep into your self-belief, overcome victimhood, and increase connection. Joan's stories are an inspiring demonstration of the human spirit.

 

Shownotes:
  • 4:40 Introduction Joan Borysenko
  • 16:45 What makes people resilient in life
  • 24:00 The importance of relationships for healing and growing
  • 36:10 What makes a successful relationship
  • 40:20 How to handle stress and frustration with your partner
  • 47:00 Advice on how to get through difficult times in our lives
  • 56:50 Raising kids in this day and age
  • https://www.joanborysenko.com/
  • 1:04:45 Action step
 
Useful Links:
 
Free Gift from Joan Borysenko to Jayson's listeners:
3 Prescriptions for Love Medicine
Mind Body Tools to Strengthen Self-Love and Self-Compassion, the Foundations of All Your Relationships.
 
 
And you'll be directed to the free gift.
Dec 31, 2019

Do you check your phone all day long? Have you ever tried to speak to someone about something important only to have them distracted by their phone or something else? It sucks.

These days, we have endless distractions. So, how do we stay oriented to what matters, and how do we not let our business distract us away from the relationships we care most about? Well, I found someone who knows a lot about this stuff and interviewed him. His insights are a breath of fresh air. And, he says it's all about getting systematized and setting boundaries. Listen now.

 

Do you check your phone all day long? Have you ever tried to speak to someone about something important only to have them distracted by their phone or something else? It sucks.

These days, we have endless distractions. So, how do we stay oriented to what matters, and how do we not let our business distract us away from the relationships we care most about? Well, I found someone who knows a lot about this stuff and interviewed him. His insights are a breath of fresh air. And, he says it's all about getting systematized and setting boundaries. Listen now.

SHOWNOTES:

Useful Links: 

 

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