One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. What is going on here and how do you deal with a partner who needs a lot or one who is distancing. In the first of our two part series, Ellen and I help the pursuers (connectors) understand and deal with your distancing partner.

SHOWNOTES

• What is the pursuer/distancer dynamic? [10:30]
• What’s going on with the distancer when they are asking for time and space? [12:30]
• What 2 things do you need to balance when dealing with someone who is distancing. [17:30]
• The single focus trap that pursuers can fall into. [21:30]
• How time agreements can make re-connecting easier. [25:30]
• The positive side of being someone who is a distancer? [26:30]
• Quick review of the 5 tips [28:00]
• How this dynamic can be different in a marriage vs dating. [29:00]
• Jayson’s action step for the listener [33:00]

Running away from relationship pain and problems often just creates more problems. Here I remind you why facing pain is useful. Check it out. Now.

SHOWNOTES

• The simple point of relationship pain. [10:00]
• The smarter strategy when you’re triggered by your partner. [10:45]
• How Jayson’s back pain woke him up to something deeper. [13:15]
• Erectile dysfunction and Viagra as an example of what NOT to do with relationship pain. [16:00]
• The big signs that you’re hitting the snooze button on your relationship pain. [18:30]
• Jayson gives your action step. [23:00]

The grass is greener with that other person! I used to think this quietly in my mind all the time, no matter who I was with. In this episode, I share my personal drama with this mentality and what it’s really about. Not only that, I offer something to help you get through it. It might just make you more likely to commit to the one you’re with.

SHOWNOTES

• Jayson shares his personal story about leaving relationships when the going got tough. [8:45]
• The kinds of partners who will more likely have a “grass is greener” mentality. [11:00]
• How closeness and space impact ambivalence. [13:00]
• Will a new partner solve the current problem or bad feelings I’m having? [16:15]
• Jayson’s recommendation if you’re wanting to jump from relationship to relationship. [18:00]
• When the grass really is greener over there and it might be time to exit. [21:15]
• Jayson’s action steps for the listener. [ 24:45]

It’s really normal to experience jealousy, depression, anger, intense attraction and so much more when you find yourself in a good relationship. Our relationships trigger the deepest of human emotions and experiences. In this episode, I answer some fun, very painful, and challenging questions from you the listener. Notice how all of these questions may bring up stuff from your past or present relationship and see if you can find the nugget in each question that you can learn something from.

SHOWNOTES

• What’s really happening when someone says “you make me feel X”. [6:45]
• Is it a mistake to stay with my husband who is a functioning alcoholic? [9:30]
• How to deal with premature ejaculation after you’re married? [12:15]
• One factor that will guarantee your relationship is doomed. [15:30]
• How to get your boyfriend to talk more when all he wants is occasional texting? [16:30]
• Can a guy be emotionally mature if he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings five months into a relationship? [18:15]
• When a partner struggles with depression, how do deal with a big transition when moving to a new country? [21:45]
• A partner goes MIA after his mother dies, does this mean the relationship over? [25:45]
• Is there a limit to being too open and honest with your partner? [30:30]
• Jealousy when your boyfriend has a lot of interaction with other women on Facebook? [34:00]
• The best way to eliminate anger? [37:00]
• Best approach for a couple that is going to be long-distance for two years? [40:30]
• Personality disorders and loving yourself? [42:45]
• How to regain trust when a partner refuses to open up? [47:15]
• Jayson’s action step for the listener. [50:00]