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Relationship School Podcast

Learn street level, practical tools to have better relationships from a real dude who is a solid husband and father. Jayson Gaddis, founder of The Relationship School, interviews couples, experts, neuroscientists, therapists, coaches, and everyday people to help you have the best relationships possible. Watch your long-term partnerships, family relationships, friendships, and work relationships get better. Jayson offers a fun action step at the end of each episode. Let's do this people! Let's learn how to love bigger! The world needs it.
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Now displaying: 2020
Dec 29, 2020

As 2020 winds down, what are you hoping to see what happens in the new year with your relationship? Maybe you want to rekindle the romance. Or maybe you want to start a family.

Whatever your hopes and dreams are for the new year, in this podcast, my wife Ellen and I give you four important questions to start the new year.

Here is one of the questions: Why are you together? In other words, what is the purpose of your relationship? Listen in as we unpack this question along with the other three.

Shownotes:

  • 0:45 4 questions to find the purpose of your relationship
  • 3:30 Why are you in a relationship with your partner?
  • 7:35 What do you want from your relationship?
  • 9:30 Where do you want to go in your relationship?
  • 11:25 How are you going to get where you want to be?

 

Useful Links:

Dec 22, 2020

Did you know the longest study conducted by Harvard University on human behavior found that the single biggest determining factor of a well-lived life was based on the quality of relationships the participants had?

In today’s podcast, I give a few more examples of human behavioral studies showing how relationships affect the overall quality of life. I also give tips on how moving forward with your relationships with yourself and others are going to fit into all the challenges that lie ahead in the new year.

Dec 16, 2020

Ever wonder what makes a successful couple? This week, my wife and I welcome back a returning guest Christine Hassler (and her partner!).We hosted this fun Q&A related to growth in relationships, marriage & raising kids.

Here’s one of the questions we answer in this podcast: What should I do if I'm growing, but my partner isn't? If you want to know the answer to this question, I invite you to listen to this interesting podcast.

Shownotes:

  • 3:25 Introduction Christine Hassler and Stefanos Sifandos
    5:00 How Christine and Stefanos met and the evolution of their relationship
  • 18:10 Deciding to commit to a long-term partnership
    21:25: How being involved in self-development jobs affects their relationship
  • 28:55 How having kids impacted their relationship
  • 31:55 Dealing with taking care of others instead of yourself
    38:45 How does it feel to work with your partner
  • 50:00 What to do when you are putting in the work but your partner is not
  • 57:45 How the pandemic impacted their family dynamics
  • 1:09:20 Action Step

Useful Links:
https://stefanossifandos.com/

https://christinehassler.com/

https://relationshipschool.com/training

 

Dec 8, 2020

Ever wonder why oxytocin is called the “Love Drug?” This week, Dr. Sue Carter, author of "Attachment and Bonding: A New Synthesis” joins me in a very interesting discussion on why oxytocin is one of the primary glues that keeps long-term relationships together.

According to Dr. Sue Carter, without oxytocin, we probably would not have been able to evolve into the complex creatures that we are today. If you have always wanted to know the relationship between oxytocin and attachment dynamics, you’ll want to check this out.

Shownotes:

  • 2:50 Introduction - Dr. Sue Carter
  • 10:15 Pair bonding, relationships and the origins of oxytocin
  • 19:40 Oxytocin fluctuations and a sense of safety
  • 17:45 The influence of oxytocin on our relationships
  • 34:40 Effects of oxytocin on men and women
  • 39:15 Action Step

Useful Links:

Dec 1, 2020

In this week’s podcast, my wife Ellen and I continue the discussion on attachment dynamics and give tips for all you ‘pursuers.’ 

If you are the pursuer in your relationship who always wants to connect with your partner, especially under stress and anxiety, we want to help you learn how to communicate your need for connection better so you don’t drive the other person further away.

Here are two very important questions I ask all couples to think about:   

Do we want the same kind of relationship? What do you really want out of the partnership? 

Listen in as we answer these questions. 

Shownotes:

  • 1:45 Being there for yourself
  • 5:20 Understanding your partner’s position
  • 8:40 Letting your partner know that you care and want to understand them
  • 11:35 Don’t expect others to behave as you want them to
  • 13:20 You and your partner should act as a team
  • 18:25: Action Step

Useful Links:

 

Nov 23, 2020

Here’s a scenario: You and your partner had a fight or disagreement. You want to talk about it;  they don’t. Hmmm. How do you deal? 

In this podcast, my wife Ellen and I give you a few tips for you avoidant-types on how to deal with your partner who always wants a connection or wants to talk about it. 

Here’s a critical question I ask space-takers to think about:   

Does withdrawing relieve my partner or not? In other words, is my space-taking helpful to my partner and good for our relationship? 

Listen in as we unpack this question.

 

Shownotes:

  • 0:50: Distancing in relationships
  • 6:25 Establishing a time limit on the time you take for yourself
  • 10:30 Action Step

Useful Links:

 

Nov 17, 2020

Did you know when males have an emotive experience, two parts of the brain lights up? And when females have an emotive experience, nine parts of the brain light up? You’re probably thinking, why just two parts with men and nine parts with women? 

If you’re interested in brain differences that boys and girls experience from the time they start school throughout adulthood, you’ll want to check this out: 

This week, New York Times best selling author of "The Wonder of Boys: What Parents, Mentors and Educators Can Do to Shape Boys into Exceptional Men” examines the inner life of boys; their physical, socio-emotional, and neurological development. 

Michael believes that to improve male sensitivity in America, parents should adopt bi-strategic and multi-strategic parenting styles and raise boys (and girls) with resiliency, purpose, and doing emotive development that fits their sensitivity.

Shownotes:

  • 3:05 Introduction Michael Gurian
  • 5:20 Brain differences in education
  • 10:10 Why men struggle more with therapy than women
  • 21:50 How does empathy work inside the brain
  • 27:00 How to raise boys in this day and age
  • 34:15 What parents should keep in mind when rising girls
  • 41:35 Action Step

 

Useful Links:

 

Nov 11, 2020

What happens when you’re in a relationship with someone who’s dealing with depression and is being distant? Should you stay or should you give them an ultimatum? 

In this week’s podcast, that was just one of the questions I answered from one of our listeners' posts in the Relationship School Facebook group. 

I covered a lot of ground in the sex and relationships category from polyamorous relationships in the context of post-betrayal to dealing with relationship dissatisfaction. Some pretty intense stuff. 

Here’s one of the other questions I answered in this new podcast: 

No one talks about the sex slowing down in a long-term relationship. What is healthy and normal and what is not?

If you want to know the answer to this question and more relationship advice, I invite you to listen to my new podcast. 

Check it out.


Shownotes:

  • 1:30 Being in a relationship with someone who takes anti-depressives
  • 5:45 Being the one who always takes the initiative to work on the relationship
  • 8:45 Can polyamorous relationships solve partnership problems?
  • 11:45 Benefits of men being part of a men’s group
  • 13:35 Sex frequency in long term relationships
  • 15:15 When can being too demanding cause dissatisfaction?
  • 19:50 Supporting each other in conflicts with other people
Nov 4, 2020

Somatic Abolitonist, Resmaa Menakem, shares a true story about racial discrimination between the police and his family. 

He also challenges the hell out of me. 

Man, this was a good one, very intense. I learned a ton. 

I continue to learn about how me, as a white heterosexual male, can improve in the area of race, equity and diversity. 

This is a pretty charged episode. Trigger warning. 

Check it out.


Shownotes:

  • 5:25 Introduction Resmaa Menakem
  • 9:35 Fearing racism deep-rooted in society
  • 15:05 The necessary work to make a shift in society
  • 21:30 How white people can address racial problems and understand black people
  • 34:00 How trauma stays in people’s bodies and transforms through time
  • 35:00 Cultural baggage
  • 37:20 Racism manifested in police agencies
  • 49:05 Diversity, equity, and inclusion trainings
  • 58:10 What does the work of healing cultural trauma looks like for white people
  • 1:11:35 How training black people differs from training white people
  • 1:21:50 Action step

Useful Links:

Oct 28, 2020

We continue our discussion from last week’s podcast with my wife Ellen on attachment dynamics. This week, writer Bethany Saltman, author of a "Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment” breaks down her own experience with attachment after diving head first in the research.

If you are unsure if you are “secure” or “insecure” and how that might impact your adult partnership or future family, you’ll want to check this out.

 

Shownotes:

  • 3:25 Introduction Bethany Saltman
  • 9:45 Bowlby & Ainsworth’s Attachment Theory
  • 21:30 Bethany’s relationship with her daughter
  • 27:00 Understanding attachment theory to improve parenting
  • 32:40 Teenagers' bad behavior
  • 35:50 Thoughtful and deeper relationships through attachment theory
  • 47:35 Action step
Oct 21, 2020

Here’s a scenario: You want to talk about something that is bothering you, but your partner tells you they need some time to think and walks away.

You end up feeling frustrated and ignored for the rest of the day. Sounds familiar, right? Then this new podcast will shed some serious light on this dynamic.

If you are interested in attachment dynamics, you’ll appreciate this podcast.

My wife Ellen and I answer some of your questions about attachment styles posted directly from our Instagram followers

 

Shownotes:

  • 4:10 Understanding and healing what pushes your partner away
  • 9:05: Working together with others who have a different attachment style
  • 16:50: Willingness to work on yourself and with others
  • 19:50: What if you or your partner struggle with being empathetic
  • 25:00 Action Step

Useful Links:

Oct 13, 2020

Using psychedelics to resolve trauma wasn’t something I was aware of when I first started experimenting over 30 years ago. The research has exploded as well as the positive outcomes for people with PTSD. 

In this interview, I speak to one of the leading authorities on psychotherapy and psychedelics, Rick Doblin. Rick is such a trail-blazer. 

If you have questions about how “safe” or “effective psychedelics are for your healing journey, this is a must listen. We cover MDMA, psilocybin, LSD, and ayahuasca. 

 

Shownotes:

  • 4:00 Introduction Rick Doblin
  • 10:50 How to handle bad experiences with psychedelics
  • 13:55 Using psychedelics recreationally and facilitators for growth 33:30 Experimental studies about the use of psychedelics
  • 47:45 Psychedelics and psychotherapy
  • 1:00:30: Using psychedelics alone vs. doing it with others
  • 1:11:15 Action Step
Oct 8, 2020

When you were young, did you know how to work through conflict? Were the adults involved at all or was it more of a “hands off” situation? Whatever you went through as a kid, there’s another way. 


My belief is that if we raise kids in a good way, and teach them how to work through their differences, we’ll have a brighter future.

My family and I wanted to record this podcast to show you what’s possible when kids have conflict. This is an unscripted conversation with my kids. Check it out here

Shownotes:

  • 3:20: Conflict between children
  • 8:30: Tips for resolving conflict
  • 16:00: When can adults intervene?
  • 21:30 Taking a break and spending time alone
  • 26:45: Using humor to resolve conflicts

Useful Links:

Sep 30, 2020

Many of our Relationship School students know the tool “sharing impact.” Well, now I have a short update on that tool for you. 

My wife and I made a big improvement based on something we saw with our students. 

When not done well, this tool can leave some people feeling defensive. So, we added a step that will mitigate some of that defensiveness.

Check it out

 

Useful Links:

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Sep 24, 2020

A lot of couples fight about money.

Money has a lot of charge for most of us.

That’s why I wanted to interview Ken Honda about how we can improve our relationship to money.

Ken has written dozens of books and has tons of advice for you about money and how you can increase wealth and connection.

I think you’ll enjoy this one.

 

Shownotes:

  • 4:05: Introduction Ken Honda
  • 12:10: Why is there pain and fear around money
  • 16:00: Finding out who you are in order to have a better relationship with money
  • 24:40: The relation between emotional intelligence and financial intelligence  
  • 31:00 Happiness and money
  • 35:25: Money and generosity
  • 39:00: How to relax our body and mind around money
  • 43:00 Money advice for couples
  • 47:40: Rising kids with financial intelligence
  • 1:00:40 Action step

 

Useful Links:

Sep 16, 2020

If you are single, I got some feedback from a lot of people on this. They helped me ensure that these are in fact, 3 of the biggest myths around being single.

Would love your input. Take a listen and leave a comment on social, or below in the blog/podcast post.

Shownotes:

  • 4:45: Myth # 1
  • 6:30: Myth # 2
  • 8:25: Myth # 3
  • 12:20: Action step

 

Useful Links:

Sep 9, 2020

Have you ever upset someone because you wanted to speak your truth or follow your truth? If you choose to follow your heart in life, you’re going to upset people and disappoint people.

It’s part of the path. But so many of us listen to the fear and shrink away from what’s true for us, instead of having the courage to stand up, express ourselves, or follow our dreams.

In this podcast, you’ll hear one man’s story of overcoming fear and saying no to his father’s wishes.

Whew. It’s powerful what he did. And, as a result his life has been pretty extraordinary.

 

Shownotes:
  • 3:10: Introduction of Kute Blackson and his life story
  • 16:55: Overcoming the fear of being your true self
  • 33:35: Dealing with people who criticize you
  • 39:10: How to overcome the victim mentality
  • 47:15: How to let go of our past
  • 52:35: About racism
  • 1:03:10 Action step

Useful Links:

 

Sep 2, 2020

If you are feeling stressed I think this will be helpful for you now, and to save for a future date when you are feeling stressed. Your ability to meet adversity will likely determine your results in your relational life, and more. 

Useful Links:

Aug 26, 2020

Have you ever been around someone who just drains you of energy? Or, on the flip side, fuels you up? We all have energy flows, and it can actually be mapped among us.

In episode 305 of the RS podcast Dr. Wayne Baker, an author and sociologist, shares his work with energy mapping and why we need both human capital AND social capital to be more effective in our relationships (I just learned these terms too and it’s fascinating stuff!). 

This one is especially valuable for bosses, business owners and anyone in leadership positions.

 

Shownotes:
 
  • 2:25: Introduction Dr. Wayne Baker
  • 7:45: What is social capital?
  • 9:00: How energy flows in our social networks
  • 14:35: Human and social capital on this day and age
  • 16:55: 4 elements of high-quality connections
  • 23:55: Team culture values
  • 29:15: What can we do to implement and promote better values
  • 34:25: Advice for people in positions of power
  • 41.15: Action Step
Aug 20, 2020

A lot of podcast listeners ask about narcissism so I thought I’d find an expert.

Stan Tatkin is that guy.

He did his dissertation on narcissism. So this one gets really dense. Stan reminds the listener that if you find yourself with a narcissistic person, you might want to look in the mirror. Gulp.

 

Shownotes:
 
  • 7:50 Introduction Dr. Stan Tatkin
  • 17:05 What is a narcissist person?
  • 26:45 The second form of narcissism
  • 38:30 How narcissists perceive their relationships
  • 47:30 Is it possible to recover from a narcissistic behavior?
  • 49:40 How do you spot a narcissist?
  • 54:15: The difference between a healthy amount of selfishness and being a narcissist
  • 59:30 Are narcissists capable of experiencing love?
  • 1:04:30 What can we do for ourselves if we are around narcissists?
  • 1:07:15 Action Step
Aug 11, 2020

If you’ve ever struggled to bring up something challenging with someone you care about, you know how dicey it can be sometimes. If you don’t bring it up, you might start to resent them.

If you do bring it up, they might react and get upset.

Hmmm. What do you do?

Here are a few tips to help you navigate this quandary.

 

Shownotes:
  • 4:15: How to bring up difficult things
  • 16:40 Action step
 

Useful Links:

Aug 5, 2020

If you are feeling stressed, anxious or overwhelmed, this is a must listen. It might have been one of the best parenting interviews I’ve done. My guest Tina Bryson shares 2 things that create stress in kids right now then she covers 3-4 things that relieve stress and anxiety. This one is very good. Even if you’re not a parent, you were a kid a while back and this will help you see what’s possible.

 

Shownotes:

  • 5:15 Introduction Dr. Tina Bryson
  • 9:40 The importance of self-awareness for parents
  • 17:45 Two things that create stress for kids at home
  • 22:40 How to relieve stress
  • 32:00 Name it to tame it: The importance of acknowledging our feelings and emotions
  • 37:35 How to provide children a safe and secure place at home
  • 52:00 How parents can help children make better decisions for themselves
  • 1:04:10 Action step

Useful Links:

 

Jul 28, 2020

Some of you know that I nerd out on research about relationships. Well, have you heard about the research study that says loneliness is more lethal than smoking 15 cigarettes per day? 

Well, I finally got to talk to the woman that did this research. Wow.

It’s astounding and puts our relationships with other people front and center.

 
Shownotes:
 
  • 5:10 Introduction  Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad
  • 7:30 The impact of loneliness and social isolation on people's health
  • 14:00 Dr. Julianne’s health studies
  • 19:45 The impact of relationships on our health and life expectancy
  • 41:55 Why you might feel lonely even if you are surrounded by people
  • 48:25 Why some people disagree with the studies about loneliness and social isolation
  • 1:04:50 Action step

 

Useful Links:

 

 

Jul 22, 2020

If you are a helper, therapist, or coach (or you are curious), here’s a great podcast I just recorded about helping others and taking the leap to be a relationship coach.

 

Shownotes:

  • 9:50 What is coaching?
  • 11:30 How to become a good relationship coach
  • 25:05 About our coaching program
  • 37:25 Action step

 

Useful Links:

Jul 15, 2020

My good friend and Men’s Coach Tripp Lanier joins me in episode 299 of the podcast for a killer convo about why we shouldn’t take ourselves so seriously and how to put a voice to our fears so we can use them for fuel to get what we want.

Shownotes:
 
5:00 Introduction Tripp Lanier
10:35 What put Tripp on a path of self-discovery and growth?
12:50 Men dealing with their emotions and fears
14:25 The 3 big threats
18:00 The fear of being ourselves
20:40 Facing the problems in our lives
25:30 Using our feelings and emotions as a guide to a better life and better relationships
37:30 Assuming you are responsible for your own life
39:00 You don’t need to be in the mood to improve
41:15 Stop taking yourself too seriously
46:15 Setting goals for ourselves in a different way
50:30 What is freedom?
53:00 Comfort doesn’t mean fulfillment
56:00 The fear of change in our relationships
1:00:05 Advice to keep a marriage working
1:04:40 Action step
 
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