Want to know one man's approach to calling in the one? How did he find his dream relationship? What exactly did he do? Then, how did he create the dream relationship even after it got really dark? Find out how to find and create a solid relationship through one man's inspiring story. Once again we learn a lesson from a man who was willing to face himself and go work on what he needed to.

SHOWNOTES

• Dan’s story [4:00]
• Tools Dan and his wife use when they’re facing challenges in relationship [13:00]
• When to get help with relationship-trouble outside of the relationship [14:00]
• How getting clear on what you want on an online dating site can help you meet your dream man or woman [19:00]
• What Dan did to get himself prepared for marriage [20:00]
• The danger of pushing your own values onto your partner [29:00]
• What prevented Dan from bailing after two weeks of non-stop conflict with his wife [34:00]
• How Dan got into personal growth and men’s work [39:00]
• Dealing with stigma around men’s work [47:00]
• How to bring spirituality to men’s work [51:00]
• How a traditional ‘man’s man’ can relate to the more ‘feeling-centered’ side of men’s work [53:00]
• The shift in men’s culture and the rise of personal-growth for men [57:00]

QUESTION:
Since a boundary of mine is about to be breached - again - does that spell the end of this particular partnership?
I've been lying to myself and my partner about my ok-ness with her quarterly 7+ day adventures with a supposedly platonic friend of hers. It took almost a year to figure that out and come to a place of acceptance with it. Last night during a semi-routine check-in conversation I was finally able to be honest with myself and with her that these trips, which started after she and I began seeing each other just over a year ago, are not ok with me - to the point of being non-negotiable. It turns out that I need my partner to have me as their primary adventure person.
In less than two weeks, my partner and this friend of hers are scheduled to embark on a 9 day climbing journey together.
- Alex, CA

SHOWNOTES

• Alex’s question [1:00]
• When people use spirituality as an excuse for not standing up for their needs [2:00]
• How to find win-win when making requests with your partner [4:00]
• The difference between setting setting boundaries with your partner and controlling them [6:00]
• When is it best to take what we’ve learnt from this relationship as practice for the next? [9:00]

Imagine you're 12 years old, at home watching tv, ears pricked up as you hear your dad pulling into the driveway. Every part of your nervous system listening to the revving of the engine, the slam of the car door, the keys in the front door.

All these things might be the difference between being greeted cheerfully, being ignored, or being beaten. It doesn't take long to become an expert at knowing what's coming.

The levels of sensitivity we develop to these dynamics as kids has a direct impact on what we get triggered by, how we get triggered, whether we fight, run or freeze.

Sadly, many people never get the chance to undo & heal the hurt of abuse and neglect from their childhood, so many of us suffer with emotional blocks, blindspots and triggers for the rest of our lives.

Christian Pankhurst is doing the work to help us heal those wounds.

In this episode, we talk about some practical steps to help you take control of the emotional triggers & untangle our shame through, what Christian calls 'Heart Intelligence' (or Heart IQ™)

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

• Christian’s story [8:00]
• Growing up with a violent father [17:00]
•  How to accelerate your self-awareness with ‘circle work’ [19:00]
•  The dangers of the dysfunctional, disconnected masculine [21:00]
•  A tip for men on tracking their experience for increased self awareness [25:00]
•  The critical difference between ‘Triggered’ and ‘Non-Triggered’ energy [30:00]
•  A reframing question that can turn your pain into productive forward motion [34:00]

QUESTION:
Going into my 10th month of a relationship. 2 week break up (his initiation), came back back asking to work it out, showing up strong, committed and communicative. There is only one problem..no sex. He got distant before the break up (last few weeks)...and I asked about it then. He said it was a "him" thing. I realize we need a conversation....but before I do..I need objective insight.
He does not touch me in any sexual ways. He holds my hand...and snuggles with me at night, even in his sleep.
I am fairly attractive...so don't chalk it up to that. But...this feels so bad and awkward. Has anyone else had this?
He has never been aggressive or overly sexual with me, but now it is non existent. I feel like this is an NNN but I do not want to leave a relationship over sex....but...have considered.
Any suggestions or thoughts?

SHOWNOTES

• Can you be in long-term, fulfilling relationship without sex? [4:00]
• How can having kids change your sex-life for the better? [5:00]
• Why some couples choose a sex-less marriage [6:00]
• The most common reason couples don't have sex [8:00]

The feeling of being lost and purposeless in life has a big impact on our relationships.  Men and women have a deep need to not only connect with each other, but connect to a bigger meaning in their life.

Satyen Raja is an expert at helping us develop the higher levels of purpose & evolution in our lives - and this affects everything from our work, our relationships with our partners & kids, our fitness and our level of satisfaction with our lives.

His '4 freedoms' is an extremely useful exercise to helping you keep your eye on your highest self - especially if we're suffering in feeling lost and without direction.

This episode, largely geared toward the men, will challenge you and give you a toolkit that dramatically increase your relationship and life satisfaction if you apply them - listen carefully for the exercises and grab a notebook, because these ones are important.

SHOW NOTES

• How to create a relationship where both partners are learning from and inspiring one another [13:00]
• Satyen's number one thing he's learned as a man in relationship to his wife [15:00]
• Men & women triggering each other & how to deal with both [17:00]
• How men can listen better in conflict without being a 'doormat' [18:00]
• A martial arts technique to calm down when you're triggered [19:00]
• The "4 freedoms"  for accelerated evolution and higher purpose [22:00]
• A 10min exercise men can do to bring more presence to their partner [30:00]
• How to move toward more meaning in life [43:00]
• Satyen's "Accelerated Evolution" trauma-release technique [49:00]
• Satyen's advice for men who are stuck or lost in life  [61:00]

Is there a difference between therapy and coaching? In this episode, I explore the main differences and what matters more than anything else when trying to find a good therapist or coach to help you through your relationship challenges.

SHOWNOTES

• Where should you go for relationship advice? [2:00]
• The difference between a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and a psychotherapist [4:00]
• Why do some coaches charge more than therapists? [10:00]
• Good coaching vs bad coaching [11:00]
• How bad therapy can keep you stuck [13:00]
• When should you go to a therapist and when should you go to a coach? [16:00]

Dealing with a partner who is triggered can be difficult - especially if they respond negatively to your help.

Maybe you’ve been here before: your partner is upset about something, you do your best to give them some encouraging words or to calm them down, but no matter what you do, your partner’s gets more and more upset (or worse... now upset with you for trying to help).

If you’ve ever been in this situation before and want to know how to prevent it, this episode is for you.

QUESTION:
How do we re-parent our partner, and meet them in regressive child-like states when they are triggered without infantilizing them? I find when I go into nurturing mode when my partner is triggered, he often responds with aggression, I think in part because it feels emasculating or patronizing, or possibly because he doesn’t feel lovable in those moments.
- Caitlin

SHOWNOTES

• Caitlin’s question [4:00]
• Why do men get triggered when you try to help them? [5:00]
• How to take care of your man without him feeling emasculated [6:00]
• Learning how to help each other when you’re triggered [7:00]
• What to do when your partner responds to your support with aggression [10:00]

A major shift is happening with the way we educate young adults about relationships and sex.  Despite what we hear in the media about the 'hookup culture,' the majority of young adults are very interested in learning about relationships and long-term partnerships.

Alexandra Solomon is paving the way in the academic world, educating both students and adults in the all-important long-term relationship game.  If you're a parent or a teacher, this is a great episode to listen to.  You'll get a sense of what the important topics, conversations and areas that young adults are wanting to know about when it comes to relationships.

SHOWNOTES

• Alexandra's story [3:00]
• Exploring the lessons you learned in childhood [13:00]
• How to talk to students about sex and relationships [18:00]
• Teaching young adults to shift from 'performance-based' sex to connection-based sex [20:00]

Do you have a friend or partner telling you to listen to this podcast?  Don't know where to start and feel pressured to get 'up to speed'?  This episode is for you.

SHOWNOTES

• Should you listen to this podcast? [1:00]
• Why you SHOULD be skeptical [2:00]
• How to show your partner that you care about the relationship in your own way [5:00]

There’s been a surge in alternative, traditional methods to healing our deepest wounds. One of the main approaches that has gained popularity here in America is the use of the traditional South American brew, Ayahuasca, in guided ceremonies.

Dr Gabor Maté, renowned addiction expert, and writer, is back for a second conversation to discuss the benefits & cautions to using Ayahuasca. In this conversation, we also discuss many natural (non-medicinal) methods to healing trauma through the power of present-moment awareness practices, safe relationships and creating space for healing.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

• Where Western medicine succeeds & fails [11:00]
• What traditional rituals can teach us about healing [13:00]
• How Ayahuasca works and why it’s used [16:00]
• Finding the roots of our trauma [29:00]
• Dealing with trauma using present-moment awareness [32:00]
• Why we need to create space in our lives for healing and rest [38:00]

How often do you find yourself wanting to ask for something in your relationship - more communication, more time & attention, more touch - only to find yourself holding back out of fear?
Expressing (or confessing) our needs can feel scary and edgy.  If it's a 'non-negotiable need' it's easy to feel like you're threatening the relationship with an ultimatum: "I need this or I'm out".

S0 do you hold back, hoping your partner will come around on their own (and getting more resentful when they don't)? Or do you bring your needs to the table and cross your fingers, hoping it all goes well?

This episode will teach you how to get your needs met, without feeling  you're making a threat to the relationship.

QUESTION 
You speak of stating and sticking by your Non-Negotiable Needs, but you also say to never threaten to walk away from the relationship. So how do you stick up for yourself and your NNN's without the threat of walking away hanging around in the background -- isn't it implied that you'll be leaving if your NNN's aren't met? I am missing how to do this properly.
THANK YOU for your help and for clearing this up!
-Jessica

SHOWNOTES

• Does having needs make you ‘needy’? [1:00]
• Communicating your needs to your partner in a non-threatening way [3:00]
• When your needs aren’t compatible with your partner’s [6:00]
• Getting your needs met without threatening the relationship [7:00]
• When you have a need for more communication and connection than he can give you [8:00]
• Your action step [9:30]

Finally about the real research that backs up the mission of The Relationship School®. Not only are teens NOT being educated about romantic relationships, but 70% of teens and young adults are WANTING more help and guidance around their love relationships. This is outstanding news because it's been a major void. In this episode, I speak with lead researcher Richard Weissbourd about his 5-year study with over 3000 teens and young adults on romantic relationships. If you are a parent, or want to be one, this is a must listen.

SHOWNOTES

• How love evolves over the course of a relationship (and why that’s a good thing) [9:00]
• Why relationships aren’t being taught in school [14:00]
• The truth about teen hookup culture [20:00]
• Learning to talk about relationships and sex with our kids [23:00]
• Why it’s important to challenge misconceptions about romantic love [25:00]

QUESTION
My husband’s parents have told me in the past (to them it’s funny) about how harsh they were with him as a baby and as a young child. This might explain why when our newborn has meltdowns he sometimes gets frustrated to the point of telling her to 'shut up' and at times handling her a little rougher than I feel comfortable with. I understand where my husband is coming from, given his past, but I refuse to allow my daughter to grow up with that kind of treatment or to allow her to be his experiment as he learns how to manage his hurt and frustration.

 How can I approach my husband with concerns about how he treats our child?
- Christina in South Florida

SHOWNOTES

• When your partner crosses the ‘safety’ line with your child [1:00]
• The tricky game of setting boundaries in parenting [3:00]
• If your partner is unwilling to change their parenting style [5:00]
• What to do when you’ve reached your emotional limit with persistent tantrums [6:00]

This episode is for the male entrepreneur, a guy who is likely to have a hard time in romantic relationships. If you are dating or married to an entrepreneur, this podcast will help you. My guest Jordan Gray covers some of the main reasons why high-achieving male entrepreneurs struggle to find the same success in partnership as they might find in their businesses. From sexual dysfunction to relationships ending, Jordan will challenge you to take a few simple steps to earn your way into a great intimate partnership and it's not about accomplishing more. You'll have to think differently on this one...

SHOWNOTES

• Jordan’s story [10:00]
• The connection between sensitivity and self-awareness 21:00]
• Can too much ‘self-reflection’ time cause depression and anxiety? [16:00]
• The hidden reason we use the excuse that ‘there are no good men left’ [18:00]
• ‘Maximizing’ vs ‘Satisficing’ in relationship (and which one is better) [20:00]
• How success-driven guys can develop sexual dysfunctions… and what to do about it [21:00]
• Can you work 70 hours/week and still have a good relationship? [22:00]
• How performance and achievement mindsets can block intimacy [24:00]
• Overcoming limiting beliefs that kill your connection [28:00]
• What to do if you’re feeling neglected by a busy, career-driven man [33:00]
• How to get a super-busy man to unplug, reconnect and spend time together [34:00]
• Why our libido is the first thing to shut down when we’re stressed [39:00]

How do we not burn out our partner with our problems? Is it okay to have them be the only support system for us? What is a better set up? In this episode you'll hear some feedback on why it's important to c0-support each other and not just have it be one way.
Erica's question:

Are you aware how your past negative experiences are shaping your current relationship reality? Well, they are and until you deal with those, it will be harder to get what you claim you want. In this episode my guest Mark Groves takes us on a deeper exploration about how negative beliefs can block your relationship potential. And some of those negative beliefs might be buried below your awareness. I'm so grateful for Mark's gifts here and I think you'll get a lot out of this episode. Especially if you like working  your inner psychology.

SHOWNOTES

• How Mark got to being a "Human Connection Specialist" [7:00]
• How do you know if they're 'The One'? [12:30]
• A quick tip for when you need to make a difficult decision [18:00]
• Finding the underlying core beliefs that keep you stuck in unconscious patterns [20:00]
• How we sell ourselves out for security and safety [21:00]
• Why people get married when they don't really want to [24:00]
• The power of subconscious narratives [25:00]
• Redefining marriage to suit your relationship [28:00]
• The difference between choosing marriage out of fear vs love [31:00]
• How you can re-frame your internal narrative to dis-identify from negative thought patterns [42:00]
• A powerful exercise to take ownership and responsibility for your life [44:00]
• How Mark handles relationship challenges [50:00]

QUESTION from our listener Jeff:

Feeling insecure in relationships is par for the course. So, wouldn't it make sense to learn how to increase your confidence in a relationship? If you expect yourself to be "good" at relationship, your partner will show you over time where you are insecure and weak. So, listen to this episode as I interview 5 graduates of The Relationship School® and notice how they turned their confidence issues around.

SHOWNOTES

•  When insecurity leads to blaming your partner [2:00]
• Why confidence needs to be earned [4:00]
• Meet the Relationship School® coaches [6:00]
• How confidence can change as you work on yourself [11:00]
• Learning the skills to deal with fear in conflict instead of hiding out [12:00]
• Owning sensitivity and vulnerability [13:00]
• What sharing impact in relationship can do for you [14:00]
• Knowing where you stand so you can build connection with others [21:00]
  
  
  

If your partner gets angry and it triggers you, listen to this one. There are a couple of basic things you can do to support each other.

QUESTION

From Kristen in Philadelphia:

Just want to thank you for everything you’ve done with the podcast - it’s had a tremendous impact on my life.
I wanted to ask you a question about healthy expressions of frustration and conflict.
I have a partnership with someone I really love and sometimes, in conflict when he’s extremely frustrated, he tends to pound a pillow or grunt or do some physical manifestation of his frustration. He tends to be more of a fighter - I’m more like freeze/flight. I have a history of physical and sexual abuse. I’ve done a lot of work with it, with EMDR and stuff like that, but still, when he does that in conflict, I find it super triggering, I get really afraid.
I talked to him about that and asked him if he could refrain from doing it around me and he was responsive, but I’m wondering if that’s healthy and something I should adapt to and allow for or if it is fair or reasonable for me to not want him to do it? Any of your thoughts would be super helpful, thanks!

• What is a healthy expression of anger? [3:00]
• A powerful technique for handling things when you're triggered [7:00]
• How to deal with root-cause of anger long-term [8:00]

If you want to know how to overcome erectile dysfunction, you'll need a complete reframe on this entire issue. I offer my own personal experience and how I used my shame to get hard again, as well as some exact steps you can take to get in the driver's seat of this issue and overcome it. I sprinkle in some humor to help take the edge off. This is for the men, but also will help you women out there who are with, or have been with, a man struggling with ED.

SHOWNOTES

• Why some men take viagra [7:00]
• Understanding what ‘soft’ means [11:00]
• The system that governs your erections [13:00}
• The three ways our mind can cockblock us [17:00]
• How to learn from your body [24:00]
• How to slow down and enjoy your sex life more [28:00]
• Your action step [32:00]

Why do some people get taken advantage of, taken for granted and walked all over in their relationships?  In this episode I talk about one crucial step for getting the respect, appreciation, and value that you deserve in all your relationships.

SHOWNOTES

• The person who is responsible for your relationship [1:00]
• Who you need respect from the most [2:00]
• When you tolerate people treating you poorly… [4:00]
• Your action step [5:00]

Dating advice on a relationship podcast? Yes, enough people said they wanted that, so we're experimenting with our first dating episode. Evan Marc Katz brings some amazingly simple and practical advice to the online dating scene. There are loads of great tips here to turn dumb luck into a skill. Singles will benefit, but there's some practical relationship advice in here as well.

• • How to have higher quality first dates [13:00]
  • The ‘2, 2, 2’ rule for better connection through online dating [15:00]
  • The power in being passive [23:00]
  • Gender roles in modern dating [24:00]
  • Why you don't want a 50/50 relationship [26:00]
  • Balancing chemistry and compatibility [29:00]
  • The difference between 'Compromising' and 'Settling' [33:00]
  • Fighting vs problem-solving in relationship [36:00]
  • What if you're dating someone who's not into personal growth? [48:00]
  • Why 'Just be yourself' is bad advice [46:00]
  • Why you should be 'Slow to hire, quick to fire' [50:00]

What are the pros and cons of looking at marriage as forever? And how can you personally engage in one of the biggest commitments of your life without falling into someone else's programming, but also without hedging your bets and thinking you always have an out? Find out in this week's episode.

Question from Heather - Hawaii 

SHOWNOTES

• Should we be all-in forever? [1:00]
• When moving on is a good thing [7:00]
• How being overzealous about your commitments can backfire [8:00]
• The difference between being ‘all-in’ and being locked-in [11:00]

How do you deal with an emotional woman? Guys are going to want to listen to this. My guest Terry Real shares a ton of insight here in his 2nd interview with SCP including the 3 phases of marriage and the five habits that hurt your relationship. Listen in for more!

SHOWNOTES:

• The three phases of marriage [8:00]
• The five habits that hurt your relationship [12:00]
• Why we pick partners who trigger us [14:00]
• The two main issues all couples have [18:00]
• The difference between obligatory and voluntary nurturing (the difference can make or break a marriage) [24:00]
• How Boomers and Millenials treat relationships differently [27:00]
• How to express complaints so that your partner hears them [34:00]
• A 2-step process to help overcome a harsh inner critic [39:00]