Ever feel like you are the one overfunctioning in your relationship? Ever feel like you are “taking care” of your partner and they feel like a kid sometimes?
Listen to this week's episode to hear Jayson review and unpack this codependent couples session with Shannon and Matthew (or catch the episode on YouTube to see the action and better understand what their body language is saying).
This week I spoke with Debbie Reber, author, and founder of TILT Parenting which offers resources to parents of neurodiverse “differently wired” humans to help navigate these uncertain waters in a world where everything is biased towards “normal”.
We speak about how ADHD is considered neurodiverse, and often oversimplified as someone who experiences challenges with their focus when in reality it includes challenges with emotional regulation, impulsivity, misreading social cues, and rejection sensitive dysphoria. We also learn about the Autism Spectrum, and some of the terminology like “twice exceptional”, “masking”, “high-functioning” and “Aspergers”. And, of course, we talk about neurotypical-neurodiverse relationships.
Have you ever been advised by friends or family not to “settle” in your romantic partnership?
Did you ever consider why you may be settling, or have settled in the past?
Do you believe in not settling because you’re waiting for “the one”?
In this episode, I unpack “settling” and offer three essential ingredients I think it takes to make a relationship work day-to-day and in the long term.
Have you ever noticed how grief needs to be acknowledged?
Have you experienced denying grief, running from it, or pushing it down?
Can you identify the importance of role modeling for your kids to be grief-literate?
This week on the podcast, we chat with Sherry Walling, a clinical psychologist, author, and occasional circus artist enthusiast. Professionally, Sherry specialized in traumatic stress, but when her father passed away, and her brother committed suicide her, professional and personal worlds collided as she navigates the painful waves of grief.
Are you someone drawn to helping others? Do you have codependent-ish tendencies? Have you always wanted to join a career that draws on your passion for helping others? Have you ever truly turned your pain into your purpose? Check out this episode as we explore these possibilities.
Apply here: https://relationshipschool.com/rct
Do you know the difference between covert and overt narcissism?
Did you know that it's possible to resolve a personality disorder via relationship?
Are you familiar with some of the dynamics in a partnership where one or both people have a personality disorder, and what is there for me to learn about myself and reflect on if I suspect I am such a partner?
In this week’s episode I spoke with Carolyn Bankston, a clinical social worker who works with people with personality disorders. Bankston explains that a personality disorder is, at its root, an attachment wound born from a traumatic dynamic with one’s primary caregiver in the first three years of life. Carolyn shares with us the ways that a relationship is healing even under these pathological circumstances and speaks to the Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Personality Disorders in particular.
Ellen and I build on what we discussed in last week’s episode. We chat about the single most important family value to have and how it comes into play in how to get your kid to do what you need them to, without resorting to fear, manipulation, or bribery (whether you’re dealing with toddlers, teens, or any age in between).
In this episode, Family Values Part 1, Ellen and I discuss the most important family value to have as parents while also remembering to factor in your kid's values, interests & nature. We speak to the relational dynamics that the avoidant family and the emotionally-oriented family struggle with, and share how holding this value in mind can positively impact everyone's experience on a day-to-day basis, and big-picture as your kids grow into contributing humans.
This week I speak with Dr. Stan Marlan, a Jungian psychoanalyst, clinical psychologist, and author. He writes on Jung, alchemy, the philosopher’s stone, the art of illumination, and speaks to individuation, the individual and collective unconscious, archetypes, psychedelics, and how we introject our parents into the depths of our unconscious… Plus he offers up a little taste of psychoanalysis in action by doing a dream interpretation of a dream I recently had!
“What are some pointers you’d offer someone who feels unmet in their emotional needs due to their husband’s avoidant emotionally unavailable tendencies?”
“What do you do in between counseling sessions when something even more hurtful has just been revealed?”
“In an avoidant-insecure partnership, is compromising simply a reframe to keep the peace, and am I denying my need for a healthy, working relationship?”
Our TRS Support Group is ripe with like-minded people doing their work, asking hard questions, practicing curiosity, taking accountability for how they show up, garnering compassion for their significant others, and offering moral support. Ellen and I regularly thumb through comments and answer questions here in our Ask Me Anything episodes over a cup of coffee.
This week I spoke with Jeff Salzman about Integral Theory (the idea that culture and consciousness have been, and will continually evolve) and how it applies to what’s shaping our world right now. If you want another frame to help you understand turbulent times, this will be helpful. Listen here for the full episode.
Join Ellen and I for a special ‘Ask-Me-Anything’ episode where we tackle some listener questions: What Do I try talking to my husband about something that bothers me and his first and continual reaction is anger and defensiveness? What are your thoughts on dating someone with addictions? Is it reason enough to leave, should people be given grace, Is it a big enough issue to stay away entirely? Is there a situation where refusing to get an STD test isn’t a red flag?
When kids grow up watching their parents angrily go to their rooms/leave the house which implicitly teaches them that emotions are overwhelming and/or scary. This understanding can easily translate into our kids dissociating from their emotions (retreating into screen addiction, or other behavioral issues, and later, as adults, into emotional eating, substance abuse, porn addiction, etc.). It starts with you as a parent taking the lead and role modeling for them how to feel/process their emotions, and speak to their experience, without under/over parenting.
Do you know the difference between neuro-diverse, neuro-divergent, and neuro-typical? Did you know 1 out of 48 people identify as neuro-divergent, and that nowadays the terms ‘aspergers’ and “high-functioning” are outdated? Are you confident you’re using language such as ‘the spectrum’ respectfully and accurately?
Join me this week while I speak to Grace Myhill, a couples coach who specializes in working with neuro-diverse clients and learn some of her tools that will help all couples (and ourselves).
What do you do as a parent when your child won’t do what you want/need them to do? Are you evoking healthy boundaries as part of your parenting practice? If being honest, have you ever heard yourself pathologizing your child as a means of justifying your parenting choices (i.e. my kid is strong-willed…)?
Does your kid call the shots, and you feel you need some direction on how to take the leadership reins back?
Join Ellen and I to discuss the types of challenges parents face today and pick up some tips to up your parenting game.
Have your thoughts been circling around prenups before you get married? Or, are you on the edge of a separation or divorce Want to learn a bit more about meditation, child support, spousal support, alimony, asset division and schedule collaboration?
Take a listen to my recent conversation with family lawyer Evan Schein.
This week we celebrate our 400th episode with a special “Fam Jam” episode. Join Ellen and I as we chat with our kids, about what it’s like in our family and what they notice about other families.
What do you do if you and your partner don’t have a baseline (a place of ease and security to which you can return post-conflict)? Have you ever felt you’ve ‘given up everything’ for a partner? Do you and your partner have shared values? Have you made a fierce, deep commitment to one another?
Jayson and Ellen tackle some of your questions in this AMA episode, drawing on their knowledge and experiences of ups, downs, and reconnects that go hand in hand with long-term relationships.
Do you ever feel defensive, blamed, angry, or hurt when someone says, “you make me feel….”? Have you heard of “spiritual cock-blocking?”
This week Ellen and I talk about the potent and simple “I feel” statements and howwe impact one another and influence each other’s feelings and experiences by simply co-existing in the same space, both positively and negatively.
Learn how to navigate these difficult conversations by sharing ‘Impact Statements’ (a communication technique that leads with empathy while advocating for your experience) instead of pointing the finger and blaming/shaming someone for making you feel a certain way or using an impact statement if you’re on the receiving end of such a statement. Try to remember that conflict is essential in any healthy relationship because it offers the opportunity to repair, to get to know each other better, to be collaborative, all key elements in building security, resilience and trust.
Here are my thoughts on the latest school shootings. This one hit me hard.
This week my wife Ellen and I tackle a couple of your questions that got a lot of heat online.
Sarah wrestles with how to realistically reassure her partner that she’s not going anywhere when she doesn’t actually know this for a fact (she’s no psychic).
Linda wonders about how to reinstall trust and move forward after her partner breaks into her phone and reads a private text conversation.
We discuss how our relationships are the strength that can help us deal with the unknowns of tomorrow and appropriate ways of relating in order to steer your relationship toward a secure partnership.
What would you do if you got 51 text messages from your partner if you needed space? What would you do if your partner took space and continued to be distant with no return time? These are very normal anxious/avoidant relationship dynamics.
In this episode I coach a couple through their anxious avoidant dynamic. I hope it serves you.
Do you find yourself often at odds or in conflict with your partner/co-parent? Have you agreed to disagree and compartmentalize parenting responsibilities? Are you stuck in your familial-parental roles (one parent = primary breadwinner, the other = primary parent)?
If yes, this episode is a great listen for parents (or aspiring parents, parents-to-be, and separated-co-parents) who can relate to desiring more cohesive collaboration in their parenting game.
If you get a lot from this episode, head to www.relationshipschool.com/upgrade to learn more about the course Ellen and I co-created for partners who need support learning to collaborate.
Do you ever wonder if or how your kids experience your anxiety/stress levels? How does your nervous system and theirs inform one another? Do you take time to reflect on where you are in your journey as a human and how that may affect your capacity to develop resiliency?
Join my wife Ellen and I to discuss how being mindful of our nervous system can help us build resilient children.
How do you manage triggers and share emotions at the same time? Ever keep score in a partnership? Ugh. Do you feel like you are disagreeing too much? Join my wife and I as we help you address all of these as it relates to your questions.
How do we help each other feel safe and secure? Tune in to listen to Ellen, and I's experiential conversation series “Rando Chat" over a cup of coffee. In this week's episode, we discuss our day, our family, and how we co-regulate just by existing in one another's orbits as a couple and family.
Enjoy the episode, and let us know your thoughts and feelings about this experimental episode in the comments.