Wondering what you can learn from a millennial couple? Turns out it's quite a bit!

Kiyomi and Joel are a mixed-race millennial couple that discovers how much their culture plays into their relationship. These two high school sweethearts grew up together and their system for growing together as they mature (as we all do) is inspiring.

Think where you come from isn't a big part of your love life? Uncertain a couple so young can offer profound wisdom? Prepare to be surprised!

SHOWNOTES: 

• Kiyomi & Joel’s high school love story [9:00]
• What is Relationship OCD? [12:00]
• Joel’s secret for consistent happiness [17:00]
• Couple discovers being mixed race affects them [21:00]
• Kiyomi & Joel’s conflict management method [29:00]
• What’s the secret to balancing work and relationship life? [35:00]
• Jayson’s advice when planning a wedding [43:00]

Couples that survive the toughest relationship challenges are so impressive! Leahnora and Noah are one of those couples. Cheating nearly tore them apart but they made commitments to change themselves and now they're stronger than ever before.

What did they do? How do they handle the baggage of their past?

Jayson explores the tough questions here. Also, Leahnora and Noah are still working through some common issues around sexuality and conflict and they share vulnerably about this as Jayson gives some relationship coaching.

SHOWNOTES

• • • How did Noah handle the cheating? [9:00]
    • Leahnora & Noah’s personal growth paths [15:00]
    • Defensiveness isn’t always bad [25:00]
    • Their open relationship experience [29:00]
    • How Noah & Leahnora’s fighting style [35:00]
    • Trusting love’s message no matter the cost [40:00]
    • Jayson addresses their sexuality struggles [44:00]
    • When you’re both triggered [54:00]
    • Don’t respond with “That wasn’t my intent” [60:00]

 Is your spiritual growth helping your relationship? Are you collaborating with your partner to better yourself as an individual? Or are you going to your corner of the house to meditate all by yourself?

Their careers as therapists and decades of mediation experience have lead Jayson Gaddis and his wife Ellen Boeder to multiple spiritual development discoveries. Turns out even the most spiritually advanced amongst us struggle with relationships. Jayson and Ellen also encourage couples to discover how collaboration with a partner in times of stress can strengthen each individual.

This episode is full of tips for anyone interested in bettering themselves and their relationship at the same time!

Here are a few highlights:

SHOWNOTES

• How Ellen & Jayson Benefit from Spiritual Practice [2:00]
• Spiritually Advanced People Struggle With Relationships [10:00]
• Strengthening Relationship With Dependence [17:00]
• Calming Down Together [20:00]
• Where Spirituality Alone Falls Short [25:00]
• When “Your” Triggers Should Be An “Us” Thing [33:00]

'Win a Chance to be Coached By Jayson'

To celebrate my first book, The Smart Couple Quote Book and the Holiday Season, I am giving away 3 big prizes. 2nd place) $200 credit for any of my courses, 3rd place) $30 to be used in the Relationship School store and the Grand Prize is a 45-minute coaching session for you or you and your partner from me! Boom! Who's in?

According to John Gray, women are embracing their masculine side and men their feminine side more than ever before and our new behavior is significantly influencing our biology and the new challenges that we face in our most intimate relationships.

John Gray, author of Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, says that as gender roles change, so are our hormones, making many relationships ... well, complicated.

As Jayson finds out in this episode, John Gray is willing to stir up controversy to prove traditional gender roles and behavior shouldn't be abandoned completely if we want to be physically healthy and happy in our relationships.

SHOWNOTES

• Who is John Gray? [9:00]
• Stop the blame game [17:00]
• Putting on your masculine or feminine "hat" [20:00]
• Relationships in the era of gender neutrality [23:00]
• The science behind "male" vs "female" qualities [34:00]
• Is the angry man a feminized man? [39:00]
• Pesticides and hormones [43:00]
• Balancing our male and female sides [54:00]
• Ladies, venting is good for you [57:00]
• Changing diet to correct hormonal imbalance [1:09:00]

The Smart Couple Quote Book is out!

This is a relationship book unlike any other. Add tools to your relationship toolbox with just a minute of reading a day.

You will learn radically simple ways to avoid pointless fights, have better sex, and build an indestructible partnership.

Who is the Smart Couple Quote Book for:

- Singles!
- Couples!
- Friends!
- Coaches!
- Yoga/Meditation Instructors!
- Team Leaders!
- Busy People!
- Lifelong Learners!
- Quote Lovers!

and more....

Take a selfie with your Smart Couple Quote Book for our upcoming photo contest!

Unsure why certain interactions with loved ones get you so upset? Ever struggle to relate to the hardship of others?

Psychotherapist Sharon Stanley says the issue could be trauma, trauma you may not even be aware you have. Once we assess our own trauma we can begin exercising our senses and become more compassionate to others.

According to Sharon, we owe it to ourselves and to each other to consider the pain in our pasts, only then can we embody true empathy!

SHOWNOTES

• • • Who is Sharon Stanley? [6:00]
    • The best ways to connect with a traumatized person [11:00]
    • Interacting with a partner with trauma [16:00]
    • Building strength within the body to address trauma [20:00]
    • The cost of ignoring trauma [25:00]
    • Are you dealing with trauma? [26:00]
    • Is neglect the worst type of trauma? [30:00]
    • The importance of being embodied [35:00]

• What is Zen Parenting Radio? 
• Todd & Cathy’s story
• Cathy’s post-pregnancy identity crisis
• You can’t make your partner like what you like 
• Todd’s wake up call 
• When “husband’ is a loaded term 
• The ugly side of “Happy wife, happy life” 
• Getting out of your kids way 
• Drop the parent “role” and be a role model 
• Keep your parenting baggage to yourself 

Why do so many men use porn? What is it doing for them?

I think it's obvious that porn can ruin your relationship, but what's not so obvious is why so many men use porn. What is going on inside the male brain.

I have my own theories but I wanted to hear from THE porn expert on this...

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

• • • The link between chronic erectile dysfunction and porn use [11:00]
    • How do you know when porn use is a problem? [13:00]
    • Can people use porn in a healthy way? [16:00]
    • Why are people using porn? [19:00]
    • How many women are watching porn? [23:00]
    • Religion and porn [22:00]
    • When men use porn for ‘stress relief’ [27:00]
    • How internet porn is shaping our sexuality [36:00]
    • How to heal porn addiction through relationship [48:00]

I used to try really hard to get people to think I was a good guy. This is another version of the "nice guy syndrome."

And, it had a big cost.

If you are a nice guy, or you are with a "nice guy" you're going to want to listen to this one because it's quite possible the "nice guy" thing is going to really damage your relationship over time (If it hasn't already).

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

• • • About Robert [6:00]
    • How does someone become a Nice Guy? [11:00]
    • Robert’s definition of a Nice Guy [12:00]
    • The paradox of Nice Guy Syndrome [13:00]
    • The cultural belief that ‘masculine is bad' [25:00]
    • The trap of disowning the masculine [28:00]
    • Tips for increasing self-worth [34:00]
    • How to stop people-pleasing [36:00]
    • How to meet your own needs [42:00]

Dan Savage is known for his criticism of monogamy. But what is he missing and why does he think it's a disaster waiting to happen? Listen as Jayson takes a swing in Dan's direction.

SHOWNOTES: 

Introducing Dan Savage 1:30

Dan Savage on why monogamy does not work 3:00

Is every monogamous relationship a disaster waiting to happen? 5:30

The potency of 'leaning in' 7:00

Monogamy as an expression of learning to love 9:00

If you are serious about not dating another narcissistic man, and you are an awesome woman over 40, 50, or 60, this episode is for you. My guest Bobbi Palmer, of "Date like a grown up" has some great advice for how to stay true to you and get what you want.

SHOWNOTES

• About Bobbi [10:00]
• How Bobbi met and married the man of her dreams within 6 months [13:00]
• Getting clear on what matters and what doesn’t [15:00]
• Talking politics, religion, family and finances on the first date [17:00]
• How people hide from love behind their careers [20:00]
• About the ‘Narcissistic Guy’ [28:00]
• 3 Principles of Dating Like A Grown-Up [36:00]
• The challenge for older women who are dating [45:00]

Do you ever wonder if your relationship pain is guiding you deeper into whatever you need to heal yourself? What kind of relationship do you have with God? With reality? In this fun interview, Andrew Harvey explores how you can create evolutionary love that is much bigger than the "you" you know yourself to be. Hang on for a wild ride as Andrew takes you into a sacred outlook on how relationships work and how they can serve your soul's calling.

SHOWNOTES

What Does ‘Do the Work’ Actually Mean?

1:30 Defining ‘doing the work’ 3:00 Developing the self 4:00 What is the inner child? 5:30 How long must we work on the ‘inner child’? 

Loyalty is essential in a long-term partnership. Is loyalty different for gay couples? What honest conversations and boundaries are you both talking about? In this episode my guest Jean Malpas has some excellent tips for addressing these concerns and for giving your partner the benefit of the doubt.

SHOWNOTES

• Understanding cisgender and transgender [2:00]
• At what age do people start to identify with their gender? [4:00]
• An issue that comes up for any couple, gay or straight [8:00]
• What’s ok and what’s not ok in an open relationship? [11:00]
• What is the one essential factor in a successful relationship? [14:00]
• Is there a difference between gay & straight couple relationships? [15:00]
• Being mindful about areas of shame in relationship [21:00]
• What is “minority stress”? [22:00]
• Advice for couples who are struggling in relationship [33:00]

• What's porn's place in a relationship? [2:00]
• How porn can negatively affect a relationship [5:00]
• Porn is not the bad guy [7:00]
• Porn, like any compulsion, can be a wedge between two people [10:00]
• Ramifications of porn [12:00]

Arielle Ford explores the ups and downs of marriage, what to do with a new age nice guy, and how to rekindle the spark after stuckness. This week's guest got married at age 44, and realized she sucked at listening and didn't know anything about partnership. And now she teaches people all over the world the about the power of attraction, soul mates, and love.

SHOWNOTES

• Talking vs communicating [6:00]
• The purpose of marriage [8:00]
• Shocking facts about divorce [12:00]
• Women: How to fill up your oxytocin tanks [17:00]
• Men: How to rebuild testosterone [18:00]
• Do both partners need to be into growth and development? [21:00]
• Stepping back into your feminine after being in work-mode [27:00]
• How to have a difficult conversation in a positive way [33:00]
• How to lighten the mood when you’re triggered [38:00]

2:30 Defining emotional abuse

4:45 It Takes Two

5:30 Do you feel safe in your own home?

6:10 It's more complicated than 'just leave.'

7:00 How are you a part of your own abuse cycle?

7:35 Self-reflection and taking responsibility

What does your intention have to do with creating a great relationship?
According to my guest, everything.
If you are single, what vibe are you putting out into the world to attract a mate? If you are partnered, what vibe are you putting into your relationship?
This week's guest has so much to say about upgrading your story and your intention and how that can impact how fulfilled you are in your relationship (or future relationship). She also has some practical tips on how to do exactly that. 

If you are trying to "call in the one", or just trying to deepen with the one you have already, this interview is going to help you a ton!

SHOWNOTES

• Why do some women have a pattern of dating unavailable men? [11:00]
• The power of setting intentions [14:00]
• Self-limiting beliefs and 'stories' we tell ourselves [21:00]
• Clearing up 'the power of thoughts' for skeptics [23:00]
• A guided exercise with Katherine for finding your 'false self' [29:00]
• How to talk to your inner child [34:00]
• What to do when you're really stuck in your own story [45:00]
• Katherine's go-to move for when she's triggered [49:00]

QUESTION

If you want to understand the long term cost of not repairing a rupture, Dan Siegel, who coined the term interpersonal neurobiology, is about to illuminate your mind. 

We discuss how we human beings operate when our "minds" and hearts come together, trauma, and how to fight off disease with presence. 

This episode is powerful.

It's for the science nerds and relationship geeks who want to better understand the human nervous system, mindfulness, and even trauma.

SHOWNOTES

• The 3 facets of the mind [15:00]
• Where does the mind live? [18:00]
• What do relationships and the body share in common? [20:00]
• How you can strengthen your mind through "monitoring and modifying" [27:00]
• Hyperarousal vs hypo-arousal [31:00]
• The 4 F’s of a reactive state [32:00]
• Coming back from reactivity [37:00]
• What are the long-term costs of not repairing ruptures to relationship? [42:00]
• How presence helps fight off disease [48:00]
• The importance of developing an "internal compass" [60:00]

Quote from the Smart Couple Quote Book
Stop wasting time with people who don’t support your fullness. Stop apologizing for who you are. Do not spend another day dimming your light because someone’s uncomfortable. Some people you know will always be uncomfortable with your way and will always judge you. Let them go and keep being you as you are.

SHOWNOTES

• A quote from The Smart Couple Quote Book [7:00]
• Outgrowing people on your path to growth and development [8:00]
• Surrounding yourself by growth-oriented people [10:00]

Boundaries are essential in a partnership and Terri Cole knows a lot about them. We talk about getting sober, parenting her inner child, what it takes to have your marriage as a top priority and what women can do to balance being independently strong with interdependently connected. This podcast interview is fun and full of gems.

SHOWNOTES

• Terri’s story [10:00]
• The 3 questions you need to ask yourself when you get triggered [21:00]
• What is ‘transference’ and how to we ‘repeat realities’? [23:00]
• How you can become more knowledgeable about your internal experience [26:00]
• Why is it important to do inner-child work? [27:00]
• What is a ‘Downloaded Love Blue-Print’, and how does it affect every relationship we have? [32:00]
• Examples of language you can use to support your partner when they’re triggered [42:00]
• 1 simple boundary everybody needs [49:00]
• Consequences vs threats [55:00]

QUESTION:
It seems like my husband wants me to change things, and that there are things I want him to change...
Is that the same things as wanting him to grow, just in different terms? I’ve heard you say that people can’t change their partners, but you have said that the goal should be to grow. I’m wondering what the difference is.
How do you accept that your partner isn’t going to change, but then strive or agree to grow?
- Natalie, Denver

SHOWNOTES

• Is it okay to want your partner to change? [2:00]
• Reasonable vs. unreasonable requests [3:00]
• Reframing change from a growth-oriented mindset [4:00]
• Requests that make your partner feel judged [6:00]
• When is it better to move on than to try to change someone? [8:00]

This couple learned how to get stronger through postpartum depression and conflict. Listen how they navigated a big personal crisis and how they helped each other get through it.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

• Denise & TJ's story [11:00]
• Experiencing spirituality through your partner [13:00]
• What happens when both partners in a relationship tend to 'take charge'? [18:00]
• Challenges that come up when you move in together [20:00]
• Dealing with constant conflict with no resolution [24:00]
• Dropping the story of 'I don't need anyone else' and finding value in relationship [33:00]
• How to use experience to be more resourced each time you're in conflict with your partner [37:00]
• How exploring plant medicines helped Denise & TJ on their journey [38:00]
• 1 lesson Denise & TJ learnt through The Relationship School ® that impacted them the most [45:00]
• How to use conflict to understand your partner better [50:00]