Nicole asks, “I found your interview with (Dan) Savage to be highly enlightening and incredibly emotional. As a married straight woman in a monogamous relationship with children, I felt very triggered by the concept of ‘enough’. Am I enough? I am constantly struggling to feel like I am enough of anything, and I feel like your podcast has started to help me feel settled into an idea that monogamy and marriage can provide enough for both partners, if it is viewed as a journey and a goal. This interview ripped open some pretty deep and vulnerable wounds surrounding being enough.” 

Erica wonders, “I’ve been married to my husband for nine years and together for fourteen. Even in the beginning of our relationship the sex wasn’t as frequent as I’d have liked, so I had to. Now we’re married and I feel like the sissue is in the different sex drives continues to bother me. I just need to need more sex than he does. He knows that I wish he’d initiate sex more, and we’ve gone to many years of therapy. I fear this will never get better. Is it foolish to think my husband could change? Is it possible for men to become more assertive or change how often they need sex? I’m afraid to get divorced as we have a seven year old son, but I think i’m coming to terms with the fact that this issue isn’t going away as I continue to resent not feeling desired.”

Tune in to hear Jayson unpack these poignant questions from fellow listeners.

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Shavani asks, “Most times conflicts drain us of mental energy and time, even with both partners’ willingness to work through it. For me, conflict often takes hours of constant talking, fighting, and finally resolving. This is especially tough when work is involved that requires preparation and clarity. How do we work through conflict in a way that doesn’t impact other parts of our lives that are important for our personal growth and well-being?” 

Kim wonders, “Have you ever covered sexual frequency in a marriage? He wants it WAY more because that’s how he thinks of connection, and I don’t want it nearly enough because he won’t open up, let me in, and connect on a deeper emotional level, so there is a constant struggle.” 

Lilian is curious: “I have a dear friend that means well but always plays devil’s advocate when I come to her with a painful experience or when I need support. She says it’s because she’s a Libra. Where’s the line of calling your friend out on their B.S., and holding space for them with empathy in moments when they are experiencing pain?”

Join Ellen and Jayson as they unpack listener questions regarding unresolved conflicts, sexual desire differences, and challenging friendships.

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“Any advice to get over a fear of dependency?” Amy wants to know.

“Is it possible for one partner to be dependent, and the other to be independent? Does that change over time? What can I do when I get triggered by his independence?” asks @twopopcorn.

“Therapists always say, ‘You’re responsible for meeting your own needs’...How do you allow yourself to depend on someone and also not expect someone to give you what you need?” Jean is curious about. 

Join Jayson and Ellen for this follow-up AMA episode (inspired by Episode 423: Dependent, Independent, Interdependent) where they answer listener questions on dependency.

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Want some help understanding what the opposite sex thinks and feels about being partners, parents, cohabitating, careers, etc.?

Care to learn how to structure leadership equitably with your partner?

Can you identify with stereotypical gender roles—specifically with couples who are also parents?

Curious to learn why some men resist or devalue hands-on parenting?

Join Jayson and Ellen as they unpack how gender roles play into your most intimate relationship, how they relate to our cultural landscape, and how to structure leadership/relate to each other as partners and co-parents.

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When you hear the word “dependency,” what does it conjure up for you? Feelings of resistance? Discomfort? Maybe a squirmy feeling? Or something more positive? Does it feel good for you to be needed? 

When we first emerge into the world as infants, we are 100% dependent on our caregiver(s) for all our physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, and relational needs. Our parents have been responsible for every one of our needs, day in and day out, for years. It is a biological imperative to attach to our caregiver (attachment figure), and it’s completely instinctual—it’s how a baby survives. Being someone’s attachment figure is incredibly demanding.

Attachment science empirically speaks to the similarity between how a child attaches to a parent and how an adult attaches to their spouse, meaning our attachment figure changes from our parent to our significant other. However, your partner is not your caregiver… Contingent on your attachment style (anxious, avoidant, secure), it can become triggering to depend on or depend on someone else.

Join Jayson and Ellen to better understand healthy and unhealthy dependency, normalize it, and even use our needs and dependence to deepen connection. 

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What lessons can families learn from businesses? Have you ever thought of formalizing your values as a family and creating a vision statement?

Ellen and I had the privilege to chat with Chris and Melissa Smith, founders of Family Brand, and loving parents to five kids. We discuss what it’s like to have (and come from) an unusually large family, their near-divorce experience, and how they are now happier and stronger than ever before. They talk about why they founded Family Brand, and highlight the importance of working on oneself first and, and being very intentional with your commitment to your partner and parenting to co-create a brand unique to your family unit and why/how that’s helpful.

Do you find yourself in a relationship with someone who isn’t meeting you halfway?

Are you curious to learn why your partner refuses to do their part of the work in the relationship?

According to behavioral psychology, human beings are hedonistic. We prefer pleasure over pain, good over evil, comfortable over uncomfortable—even though  it is through discomfort that we grow. If you listen to the podcast, I consider you a growth/developmental-oriented person. If a non-growth/developmental-oriented person stays in a relationship with you long enough, they inevitably will bump up against discomfort and will do one of three things: run, check out, or sabotage.

Tune in to this short episode to learn more about avoidance tactics, the number one reason your partner resists change, and the role shame plays in this dynamic.

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Have you ever wondered if there was something you could do quickly when you were triggered and it just made everything better? 

This week we’re joined by Spiritual Coach Mamoon Yusaf who gives us the elevator speech description of the Qu’ran and it’s deeper meaning). He shares his experience growing up in a posh British grammar school as a young Pakistani boy, becoming a Spiritual Coach, and awakening as a way of owning his feelings, the reactions that changed his life and his relationships for the better. But most importantly he shares a quick method to work through triggers.

Are you a "dad to be," or are you already on the field but want to up your parenting game and become the kind of father and husband you always wanted to be (i.e., sincerely present and very engaged)?

Buckle up for a candid, special, extra-long episode geared explicitly for dads with advice on pre-birth, birth (how to support the process and show up), and post-birth (notes on sleep, sex, healthy brain development, post-partum, technological considerations, carrying your child) and more.

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By far the most important age to get parenting “right” is 0-3. This is when the “self” forms and if the primary caregiver (often the mother) is not well, major challenges will emerge in the child. If you have a complicated relationship with your parents or you are a new parent, this is a must listen.

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Have you ever found yourself in a situation where the grieving process just won’t quit?

In this week’s episode Jayson coaches Kadri, who is struggling to get over a breakup that happened 15 months ago. Jayson suggests that we tend to repeat our patterns (like choosing a “healing” partner vs. a “feel good” partner) unless we fundamentally change something about who we are, and gain insight into why these patterns exist in the first place. Tune in to learn more about this and see if you can relate…

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This week my wife Ellen and I tackle a couple of your questions…

Jennifer is curious about how to forgive ourselves when we relapse into old patterns… 

Ashley asks us how self-centeredness is either useful or destructive…

Brian inquires about confidence, and how to stand up for yourself respectfully…

Hannah asks if and how there’s a right way to get back together with someone…

Tune in to this week’s Ask Me Anything episode where we discuss  ghosting, being centered in a world out of balance, the importance of co-creating agreements in your relationships, and more. 

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Ever feel like you are the one overfunctioning in your relationship? Ever feel like you are “taking care” of your partner and they feel like a kid sometimes? 

Listen to this week's episode to hear Jayson review and unpack this codependent couples session with Shannon and Matthew (or catch the episode on YouTube to see the action and better understand what their body language is saying).

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This week I spoke with Debbie Reber, author, and founder of TILT Parenting which offers resources to parents of neurodiverse “differently wired” humans to help navigate these uncertain waters in a world where everything is biased towards “normal”.

We speak about how ADHD is considered neurodiverse, and often oversimplified as someone who experiences challenges with their focus when in reality it includes challenges with emotional regulation, impulsivity, misreading social cues, and rejection sensitive dysphoria. We also learn about the Autism Spectrum, and some of the terminology like “twice exceptional”, “masking”, “high-functioning” and “Aspergers”. And, of course, we talk about neurotypical-neurodiverse relationships.

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Have you ever been advised by friends or family not to “settle” in your romantic partnership? 

Did you ever consider why you may be settling, or have settled in the past?

Do you believe in not settling because you’re waiting for “the one”?

In this episode, I unpack “settling” and offer three essential ingredients I think it takes to make a relationship work day-to-day and in the long term.

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Have you ever noticed how grief needs to be acknowledged?

Have you experienced denying grief, running from it, or pushing it down?

Can you identify the importance of role modeling for your kids to be grief-literate?

This week on the podcast we chat with Sherry Walling, a clinical psychologist, author, and occasional circus artist enthusiast. Professionally, Sherry specialized in traumatic stress, but when her father passed away and her brother committed suicide, her professional and personal worlds collided as she navigates the painful waves of grief.

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Are you someone drawn to helping others? Do you have codependent-ish tendencies? Have you always wanted to join a career that draws on your passion for helping others? Have you ever truly turned your pain into your purpose? Check out this episode as we explore these possibilities. 

Apply here: https://relationshipschool.com/rct

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Do you know the difference between covert and overt narcissism? 

Did you know that it's possible to resolve a personality disorder via relationship?

Are you familiar with some of the dynamics in a partnership where one or both people have a personality disorder, and what is there for me to learn about myself and reflect on if I suspect I am such a partner?

In this week’s episode I spoke with Carolyn Bankston, a clinical social worker who works with people with personality disorders. Bankston explains that a personality disorder is, at its root, an attachment wound born from a traumatic dynamic with one’s primary caregiver in the first three years of life. Carolyn shares with us the ways that a relationship is healing even under these pathological circumstances and speaks to the Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Personality Disorders in particular. 

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Ellen and I build on what we discussed in last week’s episode. We chat about the single most important family value to have and how it comes into play in how to get your kid to do what you need them to, without resorting to fear, manipulation, or bribery (whether you’re dealing with toddlers, teens, or any age in between).

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In this episode, Family Values Part 1, Ellen and I discuss the most important family value to have as parents while also remembering to factor in your kid's values, interests & nature. We speak to the relational dynamics that the avoidant family and the emotionally-oriented family struggle with, and share how holding this value in mind can positively impact everyone's experience on a day-to-day basis, and big-picture as your kids grow into contributing humans.

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This week I speak with Dr. Stan Marlan, a Jungian psychoanalyst, clinical psychologist, and author. He writes on Jung, alchemy, the philosopher’s stone, the art of illumination, and speaks to individuation, the individual and collective unconscious, archetypes, psychedelics, and how we introject our parents into the depths of our unconscious… Plus he offers up a little taste of psychoanalysis in action by doing a dream interpretation of a dream I recently had!

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“What are some pointers you’d offer someone who feels unmet in their emotional needs due to their husband’s avoidant emotionally unavailable tendencies?” 

 “What do you do in between counseling sessions when something even more hurtful has just been revealed?” 

“In an avoidant-insecure partnership, is compromising simply a reframe to keep the peace, and am I denying my need for a healthy, working relationship?”

Our TRS Support Group is ripe with like-minded people doing their work, asking hard questions, practicing curiosity, taking accountability for how they show up, garnering compassion for their significant others, and offering moral support. Ellen and I regularly thumb through comments and answer questions here in our Ask Me Anything episodes over a cup of coffee. 

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This week I spoke with Jeff Salzman about Integral Theory (the idea that culture and consciousness have been, and will continually evolve) and how it applies to what’s shaping our world right now. If you want another frame to help you understand turbulent times, this will be helpful. Listen here for the full episode.

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Join Ellen and I for a special ‘Ask-Me-Anything’ episode where we tackle some listener questions: What Do I try talking to my husband about something that bothers me and his first and continual reaction is anger and defensiveness? What are your thoughts on dating someone with addictions? Is it reason enough to leave, should people be given grace, Is it a big enough issue to stay away entirely?  Is there a situation where refusing to get an STD test isn’t a red flag?

When kids grow up watching their parents angrily go to their rooms/leave the house which implicitly teaches them that emotions are overwhelming and/or scary. This understanding can easily translate into our kids dissociating from their emotions (retreating into screen addiction,  or other behavioral issues, and later, as adults, into emotional eating, substance abuse, porn addiction, etc.). It starts with you as a parent taking the lead and role modeling for them how to feel/process their emotions, and speak to their experience, without under/over parenting.

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Do you know the difference between neuro-diverse, neuro-divergent, and neuro-typical? Did you know 1 out of 48 people identify as neuro-divergent, and that nowadays the terms ‘aspergers’ and “high-functioning” are outdated?  Are you confident you’re using language such as ‘the spectrum’ respectfully and accurately?

Join me this week while I speak to Grace Myhill, a couples coach who specializes in working with neuro-diverse clients and learn some of her tools that will help all couples (and ourselves).

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