Are you killing the connection with these 7 behaviors? My guest Bryan Reeves lays out some of the most common connection killers and what to do instead. There's some really good, practical advice in this episode. Dig in and enjoy

• Bryan’s relationship story [7:00]
• The Masculine-Feminine Dance and the ‘pull-push’ cycle [11:00]
• Freedom vs connection in relationship [12:00]
• When she says ‘come closer’ and he says ‘back away (and his biggest fear in life) [14:00]  
• One way to handle a woman’s anger [17:00]
• Key Relationship Skill: Connection before correction [19:00]
• The danger of ‘data-gathering,’ and how our partners feel invalidated by it [22:00]
• Why ‘mansplaining’ doesn’t bring you closer together [24:00]
• How one-upping your partner’s problems can lead to toxic arguments [25:00]
• A simple, impactful two-step principle for better connection and less friction [30:00]

Here’s a good question from a listener. Essentially it’s about physical attractiveness and size. Check it out:

Question: I’m newly interested in a man after being single for 4 years, I have a 5 year old son.  My biggest issue is getting over the ‘drug-effect’ of having someone new and really discovering why we should or are together. I’m all about getting the ‘high’ and attracting guys who are physically fit and are the perfect eye candy to have on my arm.  Right now the guy I’m seeing is just the opposite and I’m having a hard time with it.  

Not only that, but his package is small and the sex is not good at all. In fact, he has not been able to even be turned on by me enough to have intercourse. That really hurt me, so we have not had sex since.  I’m looking for ways for us to strengthen our relationship after this experience and advice on how I can get past not having the physically fit man on my arm.

• What happens if your man has a small penis… and can’t get an erection? [8:00]
• We attract what we most need to learn [9:00]
• What matters short-term vs what matters long-term [11:00]
• Embracing yourself as you are [14:00]
• How to approach a guy in this situation [16:00]
• Not taking it personally [17:00]

Are you in an abusive relationship? In this episode we explore some of the hallmarks of an "abusive" relationship and what to do with any form of disrespect, neglect, or abuse. It's actually harder than you think and there's more work to do than to just "leave" the relationship. I answer loads of questions from listeners like you on abuse in your relationship life. I think there might be some confronting and helpful information in here for you.

SHOWNOTES

• What is an abusive relationship? My definition might surprise you [9:00]
• How to know if you’re in an abusive adult relationship [11:00]
• The difference between fault and responsibility [13:00]
• How we heal trauma [14:00]
• Why ‘just leave’ is often the wrong advice [17:00]
• What to do if your physical safety is threatened [22:00]
• The definition of ‘gaslighting’ [24:00]
• Name calling [31:00]
• Discover your criteria for abuse [34:00]
• The I, You and We of thriving partnerships [36:00]
• On mutually abusive relationships [44:00]
• Dealing with Stonewalling [46:00]
• The ‘deer in headlights’ response - and how to use it to your advantage [49:00]
• If you’re a man in an abusive relationship [51:00]
• Learning the difference between real and perceived threats [56:00]
• Firmness vs Anger [1:04:00]
• Your action step [1:06:00]

I’ve been in my current relationship for 15 months. Right off the bat, we rushed into it both freshly out of our relationships. At 3 months he started ‘hardcore flirting’  in messages to facebook friends of his. He didn’t hide it, but I’m sure he didn’t expect me to see it. I found out because he disappearing act one evening and lied to me at first about where he was.  A few days later, I was shocked, he was sexually flirting with others via messenger.  I confronted him and he told me he loves me.  “It was just talk, didn’t mean anything,” that his intentions were not to follow through on any of it, I had nothing to worry about. Besides this crap, he’s great.  He’s good to me.  

Do I get over my fear of him going too far at some point, losing him and just ignore the things he does privately, or do I/should I have ran the other direction as fast as I can?

• Finding your ‘line’ with flirting [3:00]
• What if my partner gets defensive when I ask them about it? [5:00]
• Find your truth: what works for you, what doesn’t [7:00]
• How to talk to your partner if you’re uncomfortable with their flirting [10:00]

Money and Relationships! Some say this is one of the top 3 reasons people get divorced. So, do the two of you feel "on the same page" with money or is it a source of tension? If you feel challenged in any way around money in your relationship life, then listen to my friend Bari Tessler breakdown 4 steps to being a more empowered team around money. Any smart couple will want to get this part of their relationship handled and this podcast will be a great start

SHOWNOTES

• Bari’s Money Story [9:00]
• Combining ‘money-stories’ with your partner: avoid the pitfalls [16:00]
• What to do when one person in the relationship handles most of the finances [17:00]
• How men and women can think differently about finances -  and why it’s important to understand money your way [20:00]
• Have you ever been surprised by a partner’s financial problems, months (or even years) into your relationship? Here’s how to handle it [21:00]
• When, where and how to bring up the ‘money’ talk [23:00]
• Should you be saving your grocery receipts? Merging our money can be an important step in a relationship (but it’s not for everyone) [25:00]
• Dealing with shame around money [30:00]
• The risks we take by not dealing with our money [34:00]
• Asking for help with your finances shame-free [35:00]
• Doing the emotional work first [38:00]
• A practical tool for dealing with money day-to-day [40:00]
• How to have ‘money-dates’ with your partner [42:00]
• The four phases of money with your honey [47:00]
• What happens when your partner wants to buy something ‘fun and expensive’? [57:00]
• Getting clear on your money-map [1:01:00]

A great 3-part question from Nathan from Oregon particularly pertaining to relationships as a young adult. He's also wanting to find mature relationships and act more mature. Check it out. 

SHOWNOTES

Question - Part 1: How do you navigate technology in relationships?  When is it connecting? When is it disconnecting?  As phones and technological tools are becoming more necessities, how do we use them from a place of strength?

• The Do’s and Don’ts of Texting and Fighting (especially if it’s serious) [3:00]
• How to address ‘scary’ topics face-to-face - words to use and when to say them [5:00]

Question - Part 2: In an early stage of life, how do you determine what is really your authentic self and not just a reflection of external influences - anything from hormones to parents?

• What young people can do to discover who they are, what they want and what they value [7:00]

Question - Part 3: Could you offer any advice on how to form new relationships, or your first relationships, or how to identify people you want to bring in or keep in your life?

• A mindset shift that all young adults need to make (some never do) before they can find their path in life and work  [10:00]
• How to become the kind of person who has high-quality, mature relationships [13:30]

Roots Community: JaysonGaddis.com/roots

Annie Lalla brings the heat in this amazing episode full of love and wisdom. Damn can this woman spin some distinctions and reframe so many challenges with simple, detailed examples of how we can transform our relationships into the magic we long for. I know you're going to dig this one. A must listen to probably 2 or 3 times.

SHOWNOTES

• How to use conflict to access your shadow [10:00]
• Learning to use conflict and complaints to build your relational and emotional muscles [12:00]
• A practical tool to help you become a master of conflict in your relationship [16:00]
• How to handle disagreements in parenting [17:30]
• A specific process you can follow whenever you feel triggered after being criticized [20:00]
• How to effectively deliver feedback in a way that (almost) guarantees a positive reaction from your partner [22:30]
• A powerful breathing & thought exercise to do as soon as you're triggered [24:00]
• The power that pre-emptive delight can have on your emotional 'bank account' [27:15]
• An easy (and fun) way to heal your relationship to your parents [29:00]
• The concept of  'intergenerational envy' and how it can put you back in control of healing your wounds from childhood [32:00]
• How to give and receive feedback without destroying your relationship [36:00]
• For men: how to best use your tone of voice to give feedback that lands with love [37:00]
• The most important role a wife has in her husband's life [39:00]
• An elegant 'family hack' to reduce fights and resentments that you can start using tonight  [40:00]
• What to do if your partner doesn't want to work on your relationship with you [45:00]
• Annie's definition of 'True Love' [47:00]
• Your Action Step [58:00]

• Why is emotional intensity so difficult for some guys to deal with? [1:20]
• Why some men can’t handle being around women (and people) who are depressed or going through intense emotional experiences.[4:15]
• Action step: A constructive way to think and act when we ‘don’t like’ something about our partner. [5:50]

Show Notes

• Charles’ relationship story. [9:50]
• How we know if we’re ready for marriage. [13:00]
• Why do you people get divorced in January? [15:00]
• The #1 thing you can do to prevent a “January Divorce”. [17:00]
• A micro step you can take to ratchet up the ‘honesty’ in your relationship. [19:00]
• How to get real, raw and say the hard truths (and how NOT to say it). [21:00]
• How Charles recently got through a super tough time in his relationship.[22:00]
• How to know when a relationship has run its course. [25:00]
• The pacts to make with yourself that help you take responsibility and take back control of your happiness in relationships. [28:00]
• The reason great relationships take effort - and how to use that effort to create the best possible relationship. [34:00]
• An unusual type of therapy that Charles uses to turn peoples marriages around. [38:00]
• Your action step.

GUEST BIO

Charles J. Orlando is a relationship expert and bestselling author of The Problem with Women... is Men book series and The Pact: Goodbye, Past. Hello, Love!, and the upcoming graphic novella Don't Date A Dick, and he serves as expert host of the hit show Seven Year Switch on FYI (currently in its second season).

 Referred to as "The Malcolm Gladwell of Relationships" by the media, and "Carrie Bradshaw-meets-Hitch" by his readers, Charles has built a 1,400,000+ person fanbase on Facebook—completely by word-of-mouth—where he offers free, street-smart love advice to men and women around the world. Charles has personally connected with tens of thousands of singles and couples to discover the answers to key questions that plague modern-day romance: What challenges plague romantic relationships in today's technology-centric world; and what do women and men truly want from their significant others—and themselves—in a long-term relationship? 

We all have a wall in our most intimate relationships. Find out how to take down that wall in a way that works for you. I've got the first step laid out for you. 

SHOWNOTES

• Martina asks her question [5:00]
• The first step in dealing with fear. [7:30]
• How your parents influence your relationship with your partner. [8:00]
• The truth about fear. [12:00]
• Jayson gives an action step. [15:00]

Want to hear how two people move from victim consciousness to a place of empowerment? Alexi and Preston have some bold answers on how to get over your victim mindset when it comes to relationships and your past. If you want to be challenged in a good way, this episode will help you.

SHOWNOTES

• How did Preston & Alexi begin their journey of personal transformation? [14:00]
• Why do people struggle in relationship? [21:30]
• Preston & Alexi's backpack metaphor that helps them thrive in their relationship struggles. [23:00]
• Why Preston couldn't last 20 minutes watching an HBO show with Alexi. [26:00]
• The lessons from their last big fight. [30:00]
• Preston shares the biggest tool a man can use during a fight with his partner. [36:00]
• The deadly sins of love. [42:00]
• The difference between victim and victim consciousness. [45:30]
• Your action step. [53:00]

GUEST BIO

As the Co-Founders and Co-Creators of The Bridge Method, Alexi Panos and Preston Smiles have supported thousands of people who have dramatically changed their lives by participating in their various programs and workshops all over the world.

For the past 10 years, they've both dedicated their lives to learning as much as they could about Human Potential, Positive Psychology, NLP, Ontology of Language, Transformative Studies, Somatic Training, and Esoteric Wisdom to step into their own leadership and truly "walk the walk" of this work.  They are insanely committed to leading others on this same path, and empowering them to step fully into their unique gifts to create a world that works for everyone.

Recently married, this couple is truly committed to transforming the way the world works, by transforming the lives of individuals. They currently speak and lead workshops all over the world (both together and separate), as well as run their own widely successful inspirational YouTube Channels.  Both Preston + Alexi released their first solo books in June 2016 under the publishing house of Simon + Schuster; and will be releasing their first collaborative book with the same publisher in January 2017. http://alexiandpreston.com

Is your relationship boring or are you boring? Or, better yet, are you just stuck and unsure of how to deepen your relationship? Boredom is a sign that you are missing something, big. Human beings are not boring. Yes, they may have stunted their development, but behind that wall is a massive ocean to explore. Listen up and find out how to get beyond boring.

SHOWNOTES

• The piece of chocolate that sparked this podcast episode. [9:00]
• The common phrases we here about monogamy? [10:45]
• What causes the initial boredom after we get married? [12:00]
• The traps you might fall into when feeling bored in your relationship. [17:00]
• The 5 steps to take as soon as you notice you're feeling bored in your relationship. [19:00]
• The power of the uncomfortable conversation. [21:00]
• Your action step. [31:30]

Want to hear how one man got his wife back after a separation on the brink of divorce? It's actually quite simple but requires a certain kind of man to be able to follow through with it and execute. If you are a man, this is essential information if your marriage is on the rocks.

SHOWNOTES

• How & why did Ryan start Order of Man? [6:00]
• What is the current state of men in general? [7:30]
• What was the impact of not growing up with a father? [9:00]
• When did Ryan realize the "honeymoon" phase of marriage was over? [12:00]
• The two big things that Ryan did to get his wife back. [18:00]
• Did therapy help Ryan and his wife? [21:30]
• The huge trap that many men fall into in a marriage. [28:00]
• The trick to not fall into blame or victimhood. [35:00]
• Your action step. [42:00]

GUEST BIO

Ryan Michler is a husband, father, Iraqi Combat Veteran, and the Founder of Order of Man. Ryan grew up without a permanent father figure and has seen first-hand how a lack of strong, ambitious, self-sufficient men has impacted society today. He believes many of the world’s most complicated problems could be solved if men everywhere learned how to be better husbands, fathers, businessmen, and community leaders. It has now become his life’s mission to help men across the planet step more fully into their roles as protectors, providers, and presiders over themselves, their families, their businesses, and their communities. You can find him blogging and podcasting at Order of Man where he is working to help men become all they were meant to be. http://www.orderofman.com 

Is the female orgasm that complicated and powerful? It can be for some of us, but in this episode, women's sexuality pioneer and sexologist Betty Dodson offers some extremely practical, no-nonsense advice for women (and men) around the orgasm. Hear some enlightening and very intimate details of what a woman can do to dissolve the shame and step into true enjoyment of an orgasm. From group sex to being witnessed masturbating, this episode is sure to confront you and lift you up.

SHOWNOTES

• How did Betty get first started in teaching sex and orgasm? [8:30]
• What's the current state of feminism and sexuality? [11:00]
• What does a bodysex group do? [12:00]
• Why is this kind of bodysex work important for women? [16:30]
• How often should a woman orgasm to give her vitality? [18:00]
• Have they figured out where the fluid of a G-spot orgasm comes from? [19:00]
• What does Betty think about Orgasmic Meditation (OMing)? [20:00]
• Betty's suggestions on how to experience your first female orgasm. [24:00]
• Does feeling safe with a partner matter affect the quality of the orgasm? [26:00]
• How to create a sex-positive world? [27:30]
• Betty's thoughts on using sex toys for orgasm. [32:00]
• Is monogamy realistic? [34:00]
• Best way to heal from sexual shame & trauma? [36:00]
• Betty's best advice for married couples to revive their sex life. [39:00]
• Your action step. [43:00]

A brave smart couple shares their "dark period" and how they got through it. Anyone who has been married for a few years, and then adds in a child to the mix, will pretty much get rocked. Tripp and Alyson share what happened and how they got through it. From their day to day check-ins, emotional distance and meltdowns, to transforming their sex life after kids, you are going to love how this couple rocked it out. And hopefully, you can take a few tips home to your relationship.

SHOWNOTES

• The story of how Tripp & Alyson met. [10:00]
• Tripp and Alyson's wild first few dates. [16:00]
• How reclaim their connection when it's off. [21:30]
• How did Tripp learn to be curious? [30:00]
• One period that challenged their relationship. [31:00]
• What Tripp had to face in himself to get out of his comfort zone. [38:00]
• Who did they each reach out to for support during their challenging times? [50:00]
• Why you can't rely on your partner to fulfill all your needs. [55:00]
• How to keep your sex life alive after kids. [58:00]
• Tripp shares his own evolution of his relationship to sex.  [1:08:00]
• The framework they both set in their wedding vows [1:15:00]
• Your action step. [1:23:00]

Family drama will show you exactly where you and your partner are or are not aligned. Not knowing how to navigate your own triggers around your family can lead to some strange and even painful "gifts" over the holidays. That's why I'm spending an episode on how to deal with the likely family drama that will occur this holiday season. This will help you and your partner (or future partner) know what to do to reduce the stress and be more of a team. That way you can actually enjoy yourself during the holidays!

SHOWNOTES

• Jayson shares his initial stumbles in trying to "fix" his family dynamic. [7:00]
• What a typical holiday dinner looks like. [9:15]
• What is your role in your family dynamic? [11:45]
• 7 tips to better navigate your upcoming family gathering. [13:30]
• The responsibility of the most emotionally mature person in the room. [15:00]
• The surprising benefit of having your partner's back. [20:00]
• How to flip your expectation of wanting your family to be curious about you. [22:00]
• The truth about judgment. [24:30]
• Jayson gives you an action step. [32:00]

Why do men need more solid men around them? In this episode, we explore the power of getting very honest with other men and how that can benefit your relationships to women. Our guest John Wineland shares his personal story and offers practical yet embodied tips for how a man can learn how to do relationships in a much more powerful and sustainable way. 

SHOWNOTES

• How did John get into men's work? [9:30]
• The massive opportunity and lessons in fatherhood. [12:30]
• How death has been one of John's biggest teachers. [18:00]
• Why just having guy friends is sometimes not enough. [21:00]
• Does every man need a men's group? [24:30]
• What is the most powerful spiritual work that John now does? [35:00]
• What can a woman do to help her man get into men's work? [38:00]
• The game-changing move that a man can do to transform his relationship. [45:00]
• Jayson gives an action step. [58:00]

In this episode, personality hackers and smart couple Joel and Antonia share their personal experiences of working through differences by understanding their partner's personality type. These two use Myers-Briggs, the enneagram, and other personality tests to understand themselves and each other better. I think you'll get a couple of new insights from Joel and Antonia's story that can help you right now in your own relationship. Pay special attention to what they do well and how they work through challenges in a collaborative way. 

SHOWNOTES

• What is a "social technology"? [8:30]
• Why do you need to understand your partner's personality style? [14:00]
• How did Joel and Antonia start studying personality? [15:15]
• The unique history of the Myers-Briggs typing system. [17:00]
• How thinkers and feelers can work well in relationships. [22:00]
• Can your learn from your partner's personality style? [32:00]
• The impact of masculine or feminine personality types. [35:00]
• The two kinds of thinking styles. [38:30]
• The best place to start to figure out you & your partner's personality type? [42:00]
• The traps of personality tests. [44:00]
• One thing to never do with your partner. [47:30]
• What caused Joel and Antonia to dive into personal growth? [49:00]

In this episode, we tackle spirituality and relationships with soulshaping mentor Jeff Brown. Jeff has a great knack for calling BS on the spiritual movement and instead offering grounded, practical, embodied suggestions and pathways to continue to deepen into our wholeness. This one may get uncomfortable depending on where you fall in this conversation. It is my wish that you feel challenged and grow from it.

SHOWNOTES

• What is Soulshaping? [12:40]
• What are the most common human struggles that Jeff sees in his work? [14:00]
• Why most people meditate and so “solo spirituality” over relationships. [16:30]
• Jeff’s personal definition of spirituality [18:00]
• How are some teachings distorting the ideas of spirituality and emotions? [19:30]
• What can men do to grow spiritually? [24:00]
• The lesson Jeff learned from selling windows door-to-door. [27:00]
• How can women help men awaken? [29:30]
• How do Jeff and partner navigate conflict in their relationship? [32:45]
• Jeff gives his opinion on polyamory. [38:00]
• What are Jeff’s preferred practices for personal growth? [39:45]
• Jeff’s twist on the New Age movement. [43:00]
• Why are relationships so hard? [46:00]

You’ve been a with a friend or partner who rambles on right? And, you check out or stop listening, but you let them talk right? We’ve all been there. Well, in this episode, we discuss how important it is to interrupt them and take command of the conversation. Wait, Am I suggesting you get aggressive? No way. I’m asking that you show your “care” for them by listening in an entirely different way.

SHOWNOTES

• What is “captive audience”? [7:30]
• Who is responsible when someone talks too much in an interaction? [10:30]
• What is active listening? [12:15]
• The gift that you might be giving the “over-talker”. [14:00]
• Jayson gives some examples on how to interrupt. [15:30]
• Jayson shares a personal story of a dude that talked WAY too much and what Jayson did about it. [21:30]
• Jayson’s action steps for the listener [25:00]

Feeling disconnected is a common experience in long-term relationships. The question is how to get reconnected? Well, first you’ll want to start to identify the ways in which you disconnect and locate the source. After some self-inquiry there, you can learn how to reconnect to you, and your partner. Listen to this one to learn how.

SHOWNOTES

• Should you expect that your marriage will last forever? [4:00]
• Do you need to love yourself first before you get into a relationship? [5:30]
• The 10 signs that you’re disconnected from yourself. [9:30]
• The 8 steps to reconnect. [15:00]
• Jayson’s action step for the listener [24:00]

Do men change? Can they overcome their blocks? Of course. But sometimes, they need a little permission or a nudge from another man. I’m always thrilled to meet men who help other men come out of their conditioning. This week, I interview Connor Beaton, who is doing just that through his ManTalks events. Check it out.

SHOWNOTES

• What is ManTalks? [9:00]
• The rock bottom that Connor experienced that caused him to shift his life. [10:30]
• The two options that Connor chose between. [18:00]
• How traditional masculinity is a pitfall for many men.  [22:00]
• What does Connor see as the main challenge for men in relationships? [24:30]
• The unique role of women and personal growth. [26:00]
• Some the things that make men’s work not as accessible to most men. [28:00]
• Connor’s biggest lesson in relationships. [33:30]
• The reality about men and vulnerability. [35:00]
• Jayson’s action steps for the listener [41:00]

Do you want more connection while your partner wants more space? One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. In the second of our two-part series, Ellen and I help the distancers understand and deal with your pursuing partner.

SHOWNOTES

• What does it mean to the distancer with a pursuer partner? [7:00]
• Is the pursuer really being needy when they want attention from a distancer? [10:00]
• The link between a pursuer and their childhood relationship with their caregiver. [12:30]
• A better way to ask for space. [15:00]
• Why the pursuer can be an MVP in a long-term relationship. [19:30]
• Jayson’s action step for the listener [23:00]

One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. What is going on here and how do you deal with a partner who needs a lot or one who is distancing. In the first of our two part series, Ellen and I help the pursuers (connectors) understand and deal with your distancing partner.

SHOWNOTES

• What is the pursuer/distancer dynamic? [10:30]
• What’s going on with the distancer when they are asking for time and space? [12:30]
• What 2 things do you need to balance when dealing with someone who is distancing. [17:30]
• The single focus trap that pursuers can fall into. [21:30]
• How time agreements can make re-connecting easier. [25:30]
• The positive side of being someone who is a distancer? [26:30]
• Quick review of the 5 tips [28:00]
• How this dynamic can be different in a marriage vs dating. [29:00]
• Jayson’s action step for the listener [33:00]

Running away from relationship pain and problems often just creates more problems. Here I remind you why facing pain is useful. Check it out. Now.

SHOWNOTES

• The simple point of relationship pain. [10:00]
• The smarter strategy when you’re triggered by your partner. [10:45]
• How Jayson’s back pain woke him up to something deeper. [13:15]
• Erectile dysfunction and Viagra as an example of what NOT to do with relationship pain. [16:00]
• The big signs that you’re hitting the snooze button on your relationship pain. [18:30]
• Jayson gives your action step. [23:00]