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The Smart Couple Podcast

A trail blazing relationship podcast for growth-development oriented people who want a deeply fulfilling long-term relationship. Here we re-write the outdated nonsense of marriage and monogamy and offer you practical, easy to apply tools so you can get the kind of relationship you deserve and then strengthen it over time. Your host Jayson Gaddis once again shares his own traumas and triumphs on the way to "winning*" in marriage (*winning means he can get his connection needs met without compromising his values or integrity). Join him, his wife, and many other relationship geeks as they explore the next chapter of modern monogamy.
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The Smart Couple Podcast
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Jan 15, 2019

 If you're serious about wanting to grow and become a better version of yourself you need to know how to ask people to challenge you. Don’t be afraid to get that super valuable feedback!

 

SHOWNOTES:

 

  • Send Us Feedback At info@relationshipschool.com! [1:00]
  • Why Challenge Is Essential In Partnership [2:00] 
  • Escape A Stagnant Relationship With Challenge [4:00]
  • How To Play The "Challenge" Game [5:00]
  • Possible Changes Coming To The Podcast [7:00]

 

Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at https://relationshipschool.site/podcast226

 

Jan 9, 2019

 Your relationship on shaky ground? Learn the five signs of an insecure relationship and some steps you can take to build the secure relationship we all deserve. 

 
SHOWNOTES:
 
  • What Type Of Insecurity Are You Experiencing [3:00]
  • Sign #1 - Not Emotionally Safe & Relaxed [5:00]
  • Sign #2 - Not Feeling Seen [6:00]
  • Sign #3 - You Don’t Feel Supported After A Fight [7:00]
  • Sign #4 - You Don’t Feel Challenged [8:00]
  • Sign #5 - You Feel Like You Can’t Express Yourself [9:00]
  • Info On Upcoming Free Web Events [11:00]
 
Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at https://relationshipschool.site/podcast225
 
 
Jan 4, 2019
In this episode, Jayson and Ellen speak with relationship mentors Gabrielle and Ted Usatynski about their spiritual journeys and how incorporating relational and scientific knowledge made each of them spiritually stronger than ever before.
 
SHOWNOTES:
 
Who are Gabrielle & Ted Usatynski? [6:00]
Advantages And Challenges Of Spirituality In Relationship [14:00]
Problems Ted & Gabrielle Saw In The Spiritual Community [23:00]
Pros & Cons Of Devotion To One School Of Thought Vs Many [26:00]
Ellen & Jayson Experience With Relational Problem In Spiritual Communities [32:00]
How The Gabrielle And Ted Transitioned Out Of Their Spiritual Groups [36:00]
The Pain Of Leaving A Spiritual Community [40:00]
Increasing Your Personal Power Through Relationship [44:00]
The Health Cost Of Being Alone Too Often [50:00]
Ted & Gabrielle's #1 Tips For Listeners [1:00:00]
 
Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode featuring Ted and Gabrielle Usatynski at https://relationshipschool.com/podcast224
 
Dec 20, 2018
In this unique episode, Jayson and high school student Evalyn Peacey exchange questions about small talk, screen time, online relationships and much more. 
 
SHOWNOTES:
 
  • How Should Students Be Taught To Deal With Disagreements [5:00]
  • Why Are We Supposed To Keep Things Shallow In Small Talk [6:00]
  • What Are Some Methods To Get Couples To Open Up And Communicate? [9:00]
  • Some Of Jayson’s Biggest Suggestions For Young People [11:00]
  • Why Do So Many Young People Struggle To Communicate And Bond [13:00]
  • How Can We Learn To Accept Ourselves Sooner [15:00]
  • What Are Some Challenges Teen Are Facing In Their Relationships? [20:00]
  • The Teens & Screens Issue [21:00]
  • Where Are Young People Going For Relationship Help? [23:00]
  • How Can Adults And The Relationship School Help Young People [24:00]
  • Would Students Take A Relationship Class [29:00]
 
Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at https://relationshipschool.net/podcast/relationship-advice-for-teens-evalyn-peacey-smart-couple-podcast-223
 
Dec 12, 2018
Author and researcher Warren Farrell unpacks his new book The Boy Crisis showing nothing predicts hardship in a boy’s life more than being ‘dad deprived’.
 
  • Who is Warren Farrell? [1:00]
  • What Inspired Warren To Focus On Gender? [4:00]
  • Why Is The Father’s Contribution To A Child’s Development Undervalued? [10:00]
  • Research Findings On The Dad Deprived Boy [10:00]
  • Connecting The #MeToo Movement To Raising Boys [17:00]
  • How Boys Are Being Encouraged To Stay Silent [26:00]
  • Defensiveness: Humankind’s Achilles Heel? [30:00]
  • How Rough Play Can Help Teach Empathy [32:00]
  • Why It’s Important For Boys To Learn Postponed Gratification [39:00]
  • How People Are Responding To The Boy Crisis [42:00]
  • What Is Warren Farrell’s Number One Message For Young People? [46:00]
 
Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode with Warren Farrell at https://relationshipschool.net/podcast222
 
Dec 5, 2018
Saying sorry is the default, socially acceptable response to conflict but it’s also a cop-out. Learn to respond in a way that leads to REAL repair so the kids in your life learn to do the same. 
 
SHOWNOTES:
  • Why It’s Shitty Advice To Tell Your Kid To Say Sorry [2:00]
  • Are You Teaching Your Kid To Say Sorry To Let Yourself Off The Hook? [3:00]
  • What Kids Who Only Say Sorry Become As Adults [5:00]
  • Two Ways To Respond To Conflict That Are Better Than Just Saying I’m Sorry [6:00]
 
Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at https://relationshipschool.net/podcast221
 
Nov 29, 2018
Clinician and teacher, Stan Tatkin, explains what scientific research is telling us about pair bonding, adult attachment, and how to avoid triggering unwanted reactions.
 
SHOWNOTES:
 
  1. Who Is Stan Tatkin? [1:00]
  2. Info On Stan’s New Book ‘We Do’ [4:00]
  3. Going From Me To We Is Not About Codependency [6:00]
  4. What is PACT & Psychobiology? [10:00]
  5. Questions You Need To Ask Yourself If You Had a “Great” Childhood [19:00]
  6. Allostatic Load And The Intersection Between Health and Security [24:00]
  7. How To Start Hard A Conversation [34:00]
  8. A Psychobiological Look At Emotions & Hormones [41:00]
  9. Listener Question: How Responsible Are We For Our Partner’s Feelings? [49:00]
  10. Listener Question: How Does Stan Address Sexual Desire Discrepancies? [55:00]
 
To RSVP for the free lunchtime webinar with Stan Tatkin and Jayson Gaddis visit https://relationshipschool.net/wedo/
 
Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode with Stan Tatkin at https://relationshipschool.net/podcast220
 
Nov 15, 2018
In this episode, psychotherapist Terri Cole shares some creative (and funny) strategies for handling problematic family relationships.
 
SHOWNOTES:
 
  1. Why Interacting With Family Can Be So Difficult [1:00]
  2. Terri Cole’s Family Experience [3:00]
  3. The Importance Of Boundaries and Language With Family [7:00]
  4. Examples Of Managing Family Dysfunction Successfully [9:00]
  5. Strategies For Avoiding Unwanted Conversations With Family [14:00]
  6. Is It Okay To Just Walk Away From Shitty Family Conversations? [19:00]
  7. Taking A Break From Family And Avoiding Family Holidays Altogether [21:00]
  8. When Mom And Partner Are Competing For Attention [25:00]
  9. Family Drama Hotline info [29:00]
 
For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast219
 
Prepare for the holidays and join the free, Family Drama Hotline webinar hosted by Jayson Gaddis and Terri Cole on the evening of November 20th! RSVP at https://relationshipschool.net/hotline/
 
Nov 7, 2018
THE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING! Are you ready for all the family time? Start preparing now and turn your annual holiday drama into time you really enjoy. 
 
SHOWNOTES:
 
  • Why Holiday Cheer Can Be Such Bullshit [2:00]
  • What Role Are You Playing To Appease Your Extended Family? [4:00]
  • Consider Cutting Your Parents Some Slack [6:00]
  • Terri Cole Holiday Drama Hotline Info [8:00]
  • Two Mindsets To Adopt For The Holidays [11:00]
 
 
For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast218
 
Prepare for the holidays and join the free, Family Drama Hotline webinar hosted by Jayson Gaddis and Terri Cole on the evening of November 20th! RSVP at https://relationshipschool.net/hotline/
 
Oct 31, 2018
So you're dealing with a breakup. In this episode, Jayson offers a guided meditation to help you work this heartache out of your system.
 
SHOWNOTES:
 
  • A Guided Meditation For People Facing A Breakup [2:00]
  • Is Your Past Pain Playing Into Your Current Heartache? [12:00]
  • Choose Who To Talk To About Your Breakup Wisely [14:00]
  • How Relationship School Coaches Can Help You Through Your Separation [18:00]
 
 
For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast217
 
 To sign up for Embracing Conflict Weekend, taking place November 9th - 11th in Boulder, Colorado visit https://relationshipschool.net/embracingconflict/
 
Oct 23, 2018

If your partner feels like a 'ball and chain’, you're doing something wrong. You can feel free to totally be yourself AND have an intimate partnership.

 

SHOWNOTES:

  • A Question From A Podcast Listener About Giving Space [2:00]
  • Intimacy vs Closeness [4:00]
  • Why the 'Ball and Chain' joke is such bullshit [6:00]

 

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode on taking space and being yourself visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast216

 

 To sign up for Embracing Conflict Weekend, taking place November 9th - 11th in Boulder, Colorado, visit https://relationshipschool.net/embracingconflict/

 

Oct 17, 2018

In this final installment of a three-part series on conflict, learn four things you can do post-conflict to repair the relationship as quickly as possible.

 

SHOWNOTES:

  • Four Things To Do To Reconnect After A Fight [4:00]
  • Embracing Conflict Weekend Info [10:00]

 

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for part three in this conflict series visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast215

To sign up for Embracing Conflict Weekend, taking place November 9th - 11th in Boulder, Colorado, visit https://relationshipschool.net/embracingconflict/. Use the promo code "smartcouple" before October 21st and get $100 off!

Oct 10, 2018

In part two of this three-part series on conflict, Jayson breaks down the two skills you need when you're in the heat of it and explains the different types of fights.

SHOWNOTES:

  • Embracing Conflict Weekend Info [1:00]
  • Two Things To Do During Your Next Fight [2:00]
  • The Three Types Of Fights [8:00]

 To sign up for Embracing Conflict Weekend, taking place November 9th - 11th in Boulder, Colorado, click here. Use the promo code "smartcouple" before October 15th and get $100 off!

 For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for part one of this conflict series episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast214 

 

Oct 4, 2018

Few things can rip a partnership or friendship apart like conflict. In part one of this three-part series on conflict, Jayson proposes ten pre-conflict agreements to transform conflict from a threatening experience into a growth opportunity.

SHOWNOTES:

  • Why Learning How To Do Conflict Is Important [1:00]
  • Ten Agreement You Should Make With Your Partner BEFORE Conflict [3:00]
  • Learn How To Do Conflict Well At The Upcoming Embracing Conflict Weekend! [18:00]

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for part one of this conflict series episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast213

Sep 26, 2018

Weddings include a lot of really great traditions. But those old school 'in sickness and in health' vows suck. Find out how to do vows the right way.

 

SHOWNOTES: 

  • Personalized Wedding Vows Vs Traditional Vows [2:00]
  • Why You Should Revisit Your Vows … Over & Over Again [5:00]
  • Good Vows Challenge Your Partner [7:00]
  • Tell Us About Your Wedding Vows! [11:00]

 

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this Wedding Vows Dos and Don'ts episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast212

Sep 18, 2018

You've submitted questions. Jayson's got answers! This Ask Me Anything episode addresses feelings of inadequacy and mismatched sex drives.

 

SHOWNOTES:

  • Why We Sometimes Feel We’re Not Enough & What To Do About It [2:00]
  • What To Do When Your Partner Has A Different Sex Drive [6:00]
  • How To Submit Your Questions [10:00]

 

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this Ask Me Anything episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast211

Sep 6, 2018

 Have a partner, friend or family member with an addiction? Feeling discouraged about their ability to change? Well, often times at the core of addiction ... is a relationship problem.

SHOWNOTES:

  • The Connection Between Addiction And Prior Relationship Issues [2:00]
  • Tips For People Who Love An Addict [4:00]
  • Why Trying To Help Save Them Is A Bad Idea [7:00]
  • Addressing The Addict In Your Life Starts With You [10:00]

 

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode about addiction and partnership visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast210

Aug 29, 2018

Society often glorifies the caretaker to a saint-like status. But, it’s important to know when caretaking reaches the point of actually being more harmful than helpful.

 

SHOWNOTES:

  • What is Caretaking? [1:00]
  • The Caretaker Blindspot [4:00]
  • Slipping From Being A Caretaker And Into Codependency [7:00]
  • Action Step [10:00]

 

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode about caretaking visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast209

Aug 22, 2018

Do you feel safe and secure? Seen and understood? Supported and loved? On a daily basis? Are you spending a fortune cleaning up after your failed relationships? In this episode, Jayson answers your questions about DPIR® and breaks down why the course is so worth it. Click here to apply. 

 

SHOWNOTES:

  • Think About WHY You Were Anxious About Going Back To School [1:00]
  • Some Important Questions You Need To Ask Yourself [5:00]
  • You Have Room For Growth & That's A Responsibility [10:00]
  • Some Things You Get In The DPIR Course [15:00]
  • Let's Break Down The Cost To Join DPIR [26:00]
  • Jayson's DPIR Money-Back Guarantee [32:00]

 

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode about the Deep Psychology of Intimate Relationships (DPIR)® course visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast208

Aug 9, 2018

According to professor and therapist Dr. Alexandra Solomon, engaging your partner in conversation about their past experiences is one of the best things you can do to keep your relationship sexy and exciting. Listen in to find out why!

  • Who is Dr. Alexandra Solomon? [6:00]
  • Alexandra Defines "Relational Self-Awareness" [8:00] 
  • Are Some People Just More Interested In Self-Awareness? [10:00]
  • How Gender Norms Encourage Defensiveness [13:00]
  • Alexandra’s Theories About Why People Avoid Introspection [23:00]
  • How To Start Investigating Your History [31:00] 
  • Why It’s Never Okay To Use Stories From Their Past Against Them [37:00]
  • Things Alexandra is Learning Her Own Marriage [40:00] 
  • Why Self-Care It Vital To A Healthy Partnership [42:00]
  • Relational Themes Dr. Solomon Is Seeing Working With Students [49:00
  • Getting Better At Relationship To Bring About Social Change [55:00]

FREE WEB CLASS - Aug. 14th - CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP! 

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Dr. Alexandra Solomon visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast207

Aug 1, 2018

You know those couples where the woman handles almost everything and the man, well ... kind of kicks back and acts like a teenager? That's the mother-son dynamic and in this episode, you'll learn how to escape that relationship trap and figure out why it happens in the first place.

  • The Mom-Son Dynamic From A Woman’s Perspective [3:00]
  • The Mom-Son Dynamic From A Guy’s Perspective [5:00]
  • How to Help A Couple Living In A Parent-Child Relationship [9:00]
  • How The Male Ego Comes Into Play [16:00]

 

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Ellen Boeder visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast206

Jul 25, 2018

As grand prize winners of a recent Smart Couple podcast contest, Heather and Thomas got to sit down for a free session with Jayson. In this emotional and inspiring interview, Jayson helps Heather and Thomas dig into their past to find answers they've been seeking for years.

  • Heather Lays Out Her Side Of The Story [8:00]
  • Thomas Connects With Heather’s Past [20:00]
  • Find Out WHY Your Partner Reacts That Way [28:00]
  • Where Does The Smack You Talk To Yourself Come From? [38:00]
  • Ways To Shake Things Up If You Spend Too Much Time Together [42:00]
  • Jayson Explains The Contest [47:00]

 

COUPLES CONTEST DETAILS: 

You must complete all three steps to qualify. No exceptions. 
 
1. Apply separately by clicking HERE
 
2. Pay $25 total together (per couple, not per person) by clicking HERE
 
3. Record a selfie video together as to why you want to do this. 1-3 minutes long. Send to info@relationshipschool.net, with "SC 205 Contest" in the subject line, and if you feel inspired post it in the Smart Couple FB group too.
 
Grand Prize: One FREE spot for the DPIR 9-month training, which includes two live workshops in Boulder, CO! One person pays in full, and the partner is free. So basically it's two for the price of one! (Value is $6,000)
If selected you must be willing to have us document your journey, no matter what happens to you as a couple. We want to show people what's possible if you invest in your relationship like this! 
 
All Participants Win: One FREE [couples] coaching session with one of our Level 2 Relationship Coaches. (Value is $100)
 
So you can’t lose! 
 
Deadline to enter: Sunday, June 29th by Midnight MT 
 
 
Winners will be announced August 3rd.
 
 
 
For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Heather and Thomas visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast205
Jul 11, 2018

 A lot of things you take personally in relationship have very little to do with your partner. Those issues are really the result of YOUR past, YOUR triggers and YOUR perspective...So says long-time Boulder, Colorado therapist & expert in the field of Child and Adult Attachment Theory and Models, Dr. Diane Poole Heller. 

  • How The Therapy Field Chose Diane [7:00]
  • Why The Attachment Model Is So Central To Diane’s Work [12:00]
  • The Kind Eyes Exercise [19:00]
  • The Three Attachment Styles [21:00]
  • Why Are You Complaining About Your Great Partnership? [32:00]
  • Starting A Relationship Revolution With Secure Attachment [41:00]
  • The Effects of A Disorganized Relationship Environment [46:00]
  • Diane’s Method For Repairing From A Damaging Relationship [52:00]
  • Don’t Sabotage Your Healthy Relationship Because Of Your Attachment Issues [1:01:00]
  • Why You Shouldn’t Try To Heal Trauma Alone [1:03:00]
  • Using Mental Time Travel (Autonoesis) For Healing [1:08:00]
  • Diane’s Take On Why People Experience Repeated Trauma [1:11:00]
  • Diane’s Jem Of Advice For Young Adults & Not Taking Things Personally [1:17:00]

 

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Diane Poole Heller visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast204

Jul 3, 2018

We all want a little reassurance. And that's okay! But as Jayson's wife Ellen Boeder points out, if you're needing reassurance because you feel jealous, the issue you should address is the insecurity in your relationship.

  • Is Monogamy The Problem Or Insecure Attachment? [1:00]
  • The Power Of Reassurance [5:00]
  • Two Impediments To Reassurance [10:00]
  • Navigating A Jealous Partnership [13:00]


For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Ellen Boeder visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast203

Jun 27, 2018

What does it take to build a strong team-style partnership? Why do so many entrepreneurial types rely on teamwork in their careers, but struggle to be a team player at home?

Renowned therapist and co-founder of The Couples Institue, Pete Pearson, leads Jayson through a body-mind exercise that demonstrates ways to control reaction to stress in conflict and improve teamwork. 

  • What Catapulted Pete Pearson Into The Psychology World? [5:00]
  • Why Entrepreneurial & Military Types Struggle With Teamwork At Home [8:00]
  • How To Negotiate With Your Partner Well [14:00]
  • Pete Walks Jayson Through A Calming Exercise [21:00]
  • How Entrepreneurs Respond To Pete’s Self-Strengthening Technique [38:00]
  • Advice For People In Love With An Entrepreneur [44:00]
  • Pete’s Feedback For The Therapeutic Community [47:00]

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Pete Pearson visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast202

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