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The Smart Couple Podcast

A trail blazing relationship podcast for growth-development oriented people who want a deeply fulfilling long-term relationship. Here we re-write the outdated nonsense of marriage and monogamy and offer you practical, easy to apply tools so you can get the kind of relationship you deserve and then strengthen it over time. Your host Jayson Gaddis once again shares his own traumas and triumphs on the way to "winning*" in marriage (*winning means he can get his connection needs met without compromising his values or integrity). Join him, his wife, and many other relationship geeks as they explore the next chapter of modern monogamy.
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The Smart Couple Podcast
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Jun 11, 2019

Do you know the difference between bad coaching and good coaching? There are four elements of good coaching and you’ll want to know what they are.

SHOWNOTES

(3:05) About good coaching
(4:00) A good coach is a work in progress
(5:30) A good coach has people on their life that challenge and supports them
(6:30) A good coach wants you to get results
(7:30) The client needs to take responsibility and be coachable to get results
(9:45) Hiring a good Relationship Coach

Jun 5, 2019

In this 3 part series we explore relationship coaching. First, we start with "bad" relationship coaching and things you need to look out for when hiring a relationship coach. Then we'll dive into "good" relationship coaching. Be sure to pay special attention to what types of coaches not to hire in this one.

Shownotes:

  • (2:40) Recap on Series of episodes by men for men.
  • (4:00) 3 Signs you’re dealing with bad relationship coaching.
  • (5:25) Short Training.
  • (7:15) Your coach is a mess in his/her own relationship life and it's not working on it.
  • (7:20) Your coach is not learning constantly about their craft.
May 29, 2019
How do men shut down? What is the process?
 
Then, how exactly do they finally open up? What is it that has a man open up and share his feelings, his heart, his truth?
 
In this episode, Paul shares his story of opening up.
 
Eventually he found a career helping others open up.
 
SHOWNOTES
  • (4:35) Introduction Paul Bashea Williams
  • (12:00) About his book dear future wife
  • (14:35) Experiences that causes Paul to close himself
  • (17:35) How asking for help works on different cultural/social groups
  • (21:25) Blocks men deal with on relationships
  • (25:40) How men can open up and be more vulnerable
  • (29:55) Young men being more open to personal development
  • (31:20) Why men can be so hard in relationships
May 22, 2019

Want to hear the reason his first marriage didn't work out? He bought a house, had a successful job, and thought this is what she wanted. But, it didn't work. Hmmm...

Michael was lost, confused, and going in the wrong direction.

HIs story is similar to a lot of men. Listen in as Michael tells his story and how he turned it all around and finally found "success" in his 2nd marriage.

We also cover the 5 myths, or illusions, of manhood.

If you need a hit of positivity in the midst of challenge, listen to this one.


SHOWNOTES

(3:26) Introduction Michael Taylor
(8:24) How being emotionally unavailable messed with his first marriage
(13:55) The five illusions of manhood
(16:54) How to handle conflict in marriage
(22:35) Support and intimacy with other men
(28:45) Therapy and help from men of different races
(34:34) Optimism about racial issues

May 15, 2019

In this episode I interview a new friend Brandon Alexander and spontaneously it turned into a pretty intimate conversation about boyhood, manhood, sports and dance, fears, family, love, and connection. I think you'll dig it.

- (2:40) Introduction Brandon Alexander
- (12:00) Indoctrination of mancode is the same in all races
- (17:00) Men in the dancing scene
- (21:00) Lessons learned from not dealing with your fears and frustrations
- (29:10) About the fear of rejection
- (32:50) Choosing between stability / security and Passion / vulnerability
- (41:35) About male intimacy

May 7, 2019

In this episode, you'll find out "The top 5 things men want from women in a relationship."

And, the #1 answer, and clear leader by far, may surprise you. No... it's not sex.

Listen in to hear what men—who are willing to share their vulnerability—are saying they really want in a relationship. Ellen and I dig into what these brave men are bringing to the relationship conversation and consider what their responses point to.

I also mention in the Podcast, Ellen and I are looking into mentoring a couples mastermind. We want to work directly with a group of couples who are serious about taking their relationships to the next level of fulfillment.

If you're interested, lets us know! Send us an email at info@relationshipschool.com with the subject line "Yes, I'm interested in the upcoming Couples Mastermind with Jayson & Ellen!"


Shownotes:

-4:40 What surveyed men said they want from women
-9:05 Acceptance
-15:30 Support
-17:35 Communication
-20:30 Presence
-26:05 Honesty

May 3, 2019

This podcast comes from a blog post I wrote for Elephant Journal where I polled over 200 women on my social media channels wit this question:

Hetero-women: What are you wanting from us men in the context of an intimate, monogamous partnership?

Over 200 women responded. I got emotional reading them. So, guys, listen up and take notes.

Soon, we’ll cover what men are saying they want in a partnership.

SHOWNOTES

(2:10) Top 6 things women want from men

(3:56) Willingness

(5:10) Emotionally availability

(7:22) Presence

(9:52) Honesty

(11:18)Safety

(12:20) Self-awareness

(14:47) Action Step

Apr 23, 2019

In this episode we explore toxic masculinity and male sexuality. It all starts how we raise our sons. Check it out.

SHOWNOTES:
(0:15) Intro / Recap from last episodes
(2:40) Why talk about toxic masculinity
(5:00) #MeToo movement
(8:28) Why men live in fear of being acused of toxic behaviors
(10:10) Why closed and disconnected men display toxic behavior
(12:33) What happens when we don’t teach our boys about sexuality
(17:11) Understanding the factors that cause toxic behaviors

Apr 16, 2019

In this episode I explain how society and culture play an massive role in the indoctrination of men from a young age, which keeps their hearts behind a giant wall. From a young age, boys learn to repress and hide their emotions and their sensitive side in order to belong to the peer group, their family, and avoid rejection and abandonment.

Mar 8, 2019

Few experts have studied more marriages - and determined what makes those relationships succeed or fall apart - than Drs. John and Julie Gottman.

The Seattle-based couple and founders of the Gottman Institute are leaders in their field, using decades of case studies to help both new couples and long-term partners communicate, ask the right questions, and find the solutions to keep their relationships intact and running smoothly.

On this episode of the Smart Couple Podcast, the Gottmans discuss their newest book on relationships, some of the biggest flash points for arguments and contempt among couples, and why mutual respect is critical for success in any partnership.

 SHOWNOTES 

  • Background on the Gottmans [6:00]
  • Surprising Marriage Revelations [9:50]
  • Why Money Creates Arguments [11:20]
  • How to Ask Meaningful Questions [15:25]
  • Insights Learned from Couples on Dates [19:30]
  • Why Fun is Crucial in a Marriage [22:35]
  • The Perils of Screen Use [23:50]
  • The Impact of Attachment [25:40]
  • Interpreting Body Language and Contempt [30:45]
  • How Positive Couples Last [36:25]
  • How the Gottmans Solved Their Marriage [39:20]
  • The Importance of Date Nights [43:50]
  • The Role of Respect in a Relationship [46:30]
  • Advice for Young Couples [50:10]
  • How to Find The Gottmans’ New Book [52:00]
  • Final Thoughts and Action Steps [53:15]

HELPFUL LINKS

Jan 30, 2019
We're up to big things over here! Listen in for some Smart Couple Podcast updates and an upcoming events download.
 
SHOWNOTES:
  • Jayson’s Teaching A Kripalu Workshop In March In MA! [4:00] 
  • Jayson’s Mini Conflict Workshop @ Yoga Pod In Boulder On Saturday, March 9th [7:00]
  • Smart Couple Podcast Update [8:00]
  • Why You Should Consider Becoming A Relationship Coach [9:00]
  • Action Step [12:00]
 
Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at https://relationshipschool.site/podcast228
 
Jan 24, 2019
Interested in a super useful and deeply moving webinar replay featuring a legendary couple, both of whom are couples therapist and bestselling authors? If so, you’re in luck! 
 
SHOWNOTES:
 
  • Why Do Couples Fight? [5:00]
  • Expecting Your Partner To Fulfill Your Unmet Childhood Needs [10:00]
  • What Does It Take To Love Your Partner More Than Yourself? [19:00]
  • The Importance Of Being Present [26:00]
  • Applying The Still Face Experiment & Being Present To Adult Interaction [35:00]
  • Turning Being Present With Each Other Into A Spiritual Practice [42:00]
  • How To Inspire Change In Your Partner [45:00]
  • How To Heal Insecure Attachment [50:00]
  • Helping Your Partner Recover From Dysregulation [54:00]
  • Why Caring For Your Relationship IS Self-Care [55:00]
  • Learning What Your Partner Really Needs [1:07:00]
  • Harville's Thoughts On Co-Dependency & Co-Regulation [1:15:00]
  • When Only One Of You Is Willing To Do The Work Is There Any Point? [1:19:00]  
  • Changes In The New Version of Getting The Love You Want [1:25:00] 
 
Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at https://relationshipschool.site/podcast227
 
Jan 15, 2019

 If you're serious about wanting to grow and become a better version of yourself you need to know how to ask people to challenge you. Don’t be afraid to get that super valuable feedback!

 

SHOWNOTES:

 

  • Send Us Feedback At info@relationshipschool.com! [1:00]
  • Why Challenge Is Essential In Partnership [2:00] 
  • Escape A Stagnant Relationship With Challenge [4:00]
  • How To Play The "Challenge" Game [5:00]
  • Possible Changes Coming To The Podcast [7:00]

 

Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at https://relationshipschool.site/podcast226

 

Jan 9, 2019

 Your relationship on shaky ground? Learn the five signs of an insecure relationship and some steps you can take to build the secure relationship we all deserve. 

 
SHOWNOTES:
 
  • What Type Of Insecurity Are You Experiencing [3:00]
  • Sign #1 - Not Emotionally Safe & Relaxed [5:00]
  • Sign #2 - Not Feeling Seen [6:00]
  • Sign #3 - You Don’t Feel Supported After A Fight [7:00]
  • Sign #4 - You Don’t Feel Challenged [8:00]
  • Sign #5 - You Feel Like You Can’t Express Yourself [9:00]
  • Info On Upcoming Free Web Events [11:00]
 
Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at https://relationshipschool.site/podcast225
 
 
Jan 4, 2019
In this episode, Jayson and Ellen speak with relationship mentors Gabrielle and Ted Usatynski about their spiritual journeys and how incorporating relational and scientific knowledge made each of them spiritually stronger than ever before.
 
SHOWNOTES:
 
  • Who are Gabrielle & Ted Usatynski? [6:00]
  • Advantages And Challenges Of Spirituality In Relationship [14:00]
  • Problems Ted & Gabrielle Saw In The Spiritual Community [23:00]
  • Pros & Cons Of Devotion To One School Of Thought Vs Many [26:00]
  • Ellen & Jayson Experience With Relational Problem In Spiritual Communities [32:00]
  • How The Gabrielle And Ted Transitioned Out Of Their Spiritual Groups [36:00]
  • The Pain Of Leaving A Spiritual Community [40:00]
  • Increasing Your Personal Power Through Relationship [44:00]
  • The Health Cost Of Being Alone Too Often [50:00]
  • Ted & Gabrielle's #1 Tips For Listeners [1:00:00]
 
Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode featuring Ted and Gabrielle Usatynski at https://relationshipschool.com/podcast224
 
Dec 20, 2018
In this unique episode, Jayson and high school student Evalyn Peacey exchange questions about small talk, screen time, online relationships and much more. 
 
SHOWNOTES:
 
  • How Should Students Be Taught To Deal With Disagreements [5:00]
  • Why Are We Supposed To Keep Things Shallow In Small Talk [6:00]
  • What Are Some Methods To Get Couples To Open Up And Communicate? [9:00]
  • Some Of Jayson’s Biggest Suggestions For Young People [11:00]
  • Why Do So Many Young People Struggle To Communicate And Bond [13:00]
  • How Can We Learn To Accept Ourselves Sooner [15:00]
  • What Are Some Challenges Teen Are Facing In Their Relationships? [20:00]
  • The Teens & Screens Issue [21:00]
  • Where Are Young People Going For Relationship Help? [23:00]
  • How Can Adults And The Relationship School Help Young People [24:00]
  • Would Students Take A Relationship Class [29:00]
 
Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at https://relationshipschool.net/podcast/relationship-advice-for-teens-evalyn-peacey-smart-couple-podcast-223
 
Dec 12, 2018
Author and researcher Warren Farrell unpacks his new book The Boy Crisis showing nothing predicts hardship in a boy’s life more than being ‘dad deprived’.
 
  • Who is Warren Farrell? [1:00]
  • What Inspired Warren To Focus On Gender? [4:00]
  • Why Is The Father’s Contribution To A Child’s Development Undervalued? [10:00]
  • Research Findings On The Dad Deprived Boy [10:00]
  • Connecting The #MeToo Movement To Raising Boys [17:00]
  • How Boys Are Being Encouraged To Stay Silent [26:00]
  • Defensiveness: Humankind’s Achilles Heel? [30:00]
  • How Rough Play Can Help Teach Empathy [32:00]
  • Why It’s Important For Boys To Learn Postponed Gratification [39:00]
  • How People Are Responding To The Boy Crisis [42:00]
  • What Is Warren Farrell’s Number One Message For Young People? [46:00]
 
Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode with Warren Farrell at https://relationshipschool.net/podcast222
 
Dec 5, 2018
Saying sorry is the default, socially acceptable response to conflict but it’s also a cop-out. Learn to respond in a way that leads to REAL repair so the kids in your life learn to do the same. 
 
SHOWNOTES:
  • Why It’s Shitty Advice To Tell Your Kid To Say Sorry [2:00]
  • Are You Teaching Your Kid To Say Sorry To Let Yourself Off The Hook? [3:00]
  • What Kids Who Only Say Sorry Become As Adults [5:00]
  • Two Ways To Respond To Conflict That Are Better Than Just Saying I’m Sorry [6:00]
 
Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at https://relationshipschool.net/podcast221
 
Nov 29, 2018
Clinician and teacher, Stan Tatkin, explains what scientific research is telling us about pair bonding, adult attachment, and how to avoid triggering unwanted reactions.
 
SHOWNOTES:
 
  • Who Is Stan Tatkin? [1:00]
  • Info On Stan’s New Book ‘We Do’ [4:00]
  • Going From Me To We Is Not About Codependency [6:00]
  • What is PACT & Psychobiology? [10:00]
  • Questions You Need To Ask Yourself If You Had a “Great” Childhood [19:00]
  • Allostatic Load And The Intersection Between Health and Security [24:00]
  • How To Start Hard A Conversation [34:00]
  • A Psychobiological Look At Emotions & Hormones [41:00]
  • Listener Question: How Responsible Are We For Our Partner’s Feelings? [49:00]
  • Listener Question: How Does Stan Address Sexual Desire Discrepancies? [55:00]
 
To RSVP for the free lunchtime webinar with Stan Tatkin and Jayson Gaddis visit https://relationshipschool.net/wedo/
 
Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode with Stan Tatkin at https://relationshipschool.net/podcast220
 
Nov 15, 2018
In this episode, psychotherapist Terri Cole shares some creative (and funny) strategies for handling problematic family relationships.
 
SHOWNOTES:
 
  • Why Interacting With Family Can Be So Difficult [1:00]
  • Terri Cole’s Family Experience [3:00]
  • The Importance Of Boundaries and Language With Family [7:00]
  • Examples Of Managing Family Dysfunction Successfully [9:00]
  • Strategies For Avoiding Unwanted Conversations With Family [14:00]
  • Is It Okay To Just Walk Away From Shitty Family Conversations? [19:00]
  • Taking A Break From Family And Avoiding Family Holidays Altogether [21:00]
  • When Mom And Partner Are Competing For Attention [25:00]
  • Family Drama Hotline info [29:00]
 
For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast219
 
Prepare for the holidays and join the free, Family Drama Hotline webinar hosted by Jayson Gaddis and Terri Cole on the evening of November 20th! RSVP at https://relationshipschool.net/hotline/
 
Nov 7, 2018
THE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING! Are you ready for all the family time? Start preparing now and turn your annual holiday drama into time you really enjoy. 
 
SHOWNOTES:
 
  • Why Holiday Cheer Can Be Such Bullshit [2:00]
  • What Role Are You Playing To Appease Your Extended Family? [4:00]
  • Consider Cutting Your Parents Some Slack [6:00]
  • Terri Cole Holiday Drama Hotline Info [8:00]
  • Two Mindsets To Adopt For The Holidays [11:00]
 
 
For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast218
 
Prepare for the holidays and join the free, Family Drama Hotline webinar hosted by Jayson Gaddis and Terri Cole on the evening of November 20th! RSVP at https://relationshipschool.net/hotline/
 
Oct 31, 2018
So you're dealing with a breakup. In this episode, Jayson offers a guided meditation to help you work this heartache out of your system.
 
SHOWNOTES:
 
  • A Guided Meditation For People Facing A Breakup [2:00]
  • Is Your Past Pain Playing Into Your Current Heartache? [12:00]
  • Choose Who To Talk To About Your Breakup Wisely [14:00]
  • How Relationship School Coaches Can Help You Through Your Separation [18:00]
 
 
For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast217
 
 To sign up for Embracing Conflict Weekend, taking place November 9th - 11th in Boulder, Colorado visit https://relationshipschool.net/embracingconflict/
 
Oct 23, 2018

If your partner feels like a 'ball and chain’, you're doing something wrong. You can feel free to totally be yourself AND have an intimate partnership.

 

SHOWNOTES:

  • A Question From A Podcast Listener About Giving Space [2:00]
  • Intimacy vs Closeness [4:00]
  • Why the 'Ball and Chain' joke is such bullshit [6:00]

 

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode on taking space and being yourself visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast216

 

 To sign up for Embracing Conflict Weekend, taking place November 9th - 11th in Boulder, Colorado, visit https://relationshipschool.net/embracingconflict/

 

Oct 17, 2018

In this final installment of a three-part series on conflict, learn four things you can do post-conflict to repair the relationship as quickly as possible.

 

SHOWNOTES:

  • Four Things To Do To Reconnect After A Fight [4:00]
  • Embracing Conflict Weekend Info [10:00]

 

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for part three in this conflict series visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast215

To sign up for Embracing Conflict Weekend, taking place November 9th - 11th in Boulder, Colorado, visit https://relationshipschool.net/embracingconflict/. Use the promo code "smartcouple" before October 21st and get $100 off!

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