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Relationship School Podcast

Learn street level, practical tools to have better relationships from a real dude who is a solid husband and father. Jayson Gaddis, founder of The Relationship School, interviews couples, experts, neuroscientists, therapists, coaches, and everyday people to help you have the best relationships possible. Watch your long-term partnerships, family relationships, friendships, and work relationships get better. Jayson offers a fun action step at the end of each episode. Let's do this people! Let's learn how to love bigger! The world needs it.
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All Episodes
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Now displaying: 2023
Dec 26, 2023

In this episode, Jayson is joined by best-selling author and functional medicine practice success coach Sachin Patel. Do you or your partner struggle with snoring? Is it a constant challenge for you to get enough sleep? Sachin offers some basic steps that you can take to begin turning your health around. These range from simple changes you can make today, such as adjusting ambient home lighting, to incorporating effective breathing techniques. If you’re interested in taking control of your health, you won’t want to miss this fascinating conversation.

Timestamps:

  • 6:23 - Who is Sachin Patel?
  • 8:11 - Sachin's wellness journey
  • 17:44 - Why don't people do what's good for them?
  • 28:16 - Why is nose breathing so important?
  • 33:20 - Snoring
  • 43:07 - Basic steps to change your health
  • 48:42 - Advice for young people
  • 52:59 - Action step

Links:

Dec 19, 2023

Everyone wants to be in a securely attached relationship, but what does secure attachment really look like? In this episode, Jayson and Ellen talk about secure attachment and address some common misconceptions. How can you know the difference between infatuation and secure attachment? How long does it take to develop secure attachment in a romantic relationship? How do securely attached relationships differ between different couples? Tune in to learn how you can create and maintain long-lasting and meaningful partnerships.

Timestamps:

  • 2:00 - Secure attachment vs. infatuation
  • 5:21 - How long does it take to know if you’re securely attached?
  • 8:59 - Working through the challenge stage
  • 11:26 - Misconceptions about secure attachment
  • 20:25 - Make sure you both want the same type of relationship
  • 23:02 - Action steps

Links:

Dec 12, 2023

Jerry Colonna joins Jayson to discuss leadership and the longing to belong. How can parents help get their kids to adulthood? Why is it important for leaders to do the inner work? How can self-awareness help you access your empathy? How can you be more effective as a coach and a leader? Whether you’re a parent, a coach or a leader in some other capacity, there’s plenty to learn from Jerry’s story and his insights.

Timestamps:

  • 8:19 - Why is it important for a leader to do the inner work?
  • 12:11 - Accessing empathy through self-awareness
  • 15:52 - How parents can help kids get to adulthood
  • 19:23 - Being effective as a coach
  • 27:54 - Where's the power?
  • 30:27 - Depression in middle-aged men
  • 33:09 - The seductive nature of doing
  • 36:43 - Belonging
  • 40:09 - The family dynamic
  • 42:21 - Feeling alone in a crowd
  • 45:16 - Nurturing true belonging
  • 52:20 - How many corporations are doing the work?
  • 57:16 - Taking a relational position as a leader
  • 59:28 - How important are partners?
  • 1:01:00 - Psychoanalysis
  • 1:06:50 - Leaders need therapy too
  • 1:13:27 - Jerry's advice for highschool kids
  • 1:15:47 - Action step

Links:

Dec 5, 2023

Jayson explores the seven revealing signs of spiritual narcissism and the journey to authentic transformation. Join Jayson for insights into recognizing these behaviors in spiritual narcissists, from lingo mastery to their struggle with attachment work. Learn how to distinguish genuine growth and see when a spiritual seeker becomes an empowered, empathetic individual.



Timestamps:

  • 3:57 - Seven signs of the spiritual narcissist
  • 4:42 - Talking the talk without walking the walk
  • 5:54 - Unsuccessful long-term relationships
  • 6:37 - Recreating the family of origin
  • 7:25 - A lack of empathy
  • 8:05 - Fear of attachment
  • 9:19 - Refusing to do the work
  • 10:47 - How do you know if they’re changing?

Links:

Nov 28, 2023

If you’re in the personal development space, chances are you’ve heard the term 'doing the work' thrown around often, but what does it really mean? Is there a right way to do the work? How can you gauge whether your personal development work is really having an impact? Jayson and Ellen share their insights about what it means to 'do the work' and touch on topics from intimate relationships and family to psychedelics and yoga along the way.

 

Timestamps:

  • 5:14 - What does "doing the work" look like?
  • 8:17 - The litmus test for personal growth
  • 10:15 - Why intimate partnership is so important for personal development
  • 16:25 - Holding more complexity
  • 21:12 - Doing the work should have results 
  • 23:45 - The role of relational context

Links:

Nov 21, 2023

Jayson sits down with author, philosopher and CEO, Brian Johnson, to talk about how you can reach your heroic potential. Brian shares Seven Objectives that you can implement today to supercharge your personal growth journey. Learn how to forge antifragile confidence, optimize your big three and dominate the fundamentals. If you want to master yourself and activate your superpower, this episode is a must listen.

Timestamps:

  • 4:35 - Who is Brian Johnson?
  • 12:04 - Seven objectives
  • 13:55 - Antifragile confidence
  • 23:23 - Sidestepping lizards vs slaying dragons
  • 27:03 - Dominating the fundamentals
  • 32:00 - The victim inside
  • 35:20 - Knowing the ultimate game
  • 44:11 - Optimizing your big three
  • 48:52 - Tips for learning and reflection
  • 52:45 - Ambition
  • 58:52 - Brian's advice for young people
  • 1:04:57 - Action step

Links:

Nov 14, 2023

Do you feel like you need to pick yourself back up? Jayson has a few words of encouragement for you today. All of us have an inner warrior that has gotten us through life’s trials until this point and Jayson offers two great tips for how to connect with that warrior part inside ourselves. He also shares a hack that can help you when life feels like it’s too hard. Tune in to learn how embracing hardship and getting out of your victimhood can help you meet life’s challenges.

Timestamps:

  • 3:20 - Warriorship
  • 9:05 - How do you meet challenges?
  • 11:18 - Embrace hardship
  • 15:31 - Your life is yours to deal with

Links:

Nov 7, 2023

Lisa Dion joins Jayson to talk boundaries. Boundaries are one of the most important tools in intimate relationships. How much you struggle to say no can say a lot about how much you value yourself. You must have boundaries if you want to go the distance in a relationship.

Timestamps:

  • The huge breakthrough insight about boundaries that Lisa shared with Jayson [6:38]
  • The four things our brain is always scanning for to determine if there is a threat or challenge [8:34]
  • What is Lisa’s definition of a boundary? [14:30]
  • Jayson and Lisa demonstrate how to set a boundary [17:43]
  • The big fear we all carry in ourselves [23:15]
  • The weakness many of us have when receiving a boundary request [23:12]
  • What are the most common feedback signs our body gives us? [27:00]
  • The three types of boundaries [32:06]
  • Jayson issues a boundary challenge [45:08]

Links:

 

Oct 31, 2023

Jayson and Ellen talk entrepreneurship. What inspired Jayson to create The Relationship School? What is it like to be in a relationship with an entrepreneur? What drives entrepreneurs? Can you be addicted to stress? Are you afraid that you’ll lose your motivation if you do the inner work and deal with your issues? Listen to discover how both your relationships and your business can benefit when you stop letting stress and inadequacy drive you.

Timestamps:

  • 2:59 - What is an entrepreneur?
  • 4:48 - Why do people want to coach entrepreneurs?
  • 8:05 - How do entrepreneurs fuel their work?
  • 19:49 - What does it look like to run a business in an integrated way?
  • 24:11 - Can you get addicted to stress?
  • 29:48 - Applying a growth mindset to every area in your life
  • 31:24 - Advice for partners of entrepreneurs
  • 36:09 - How being preoccupied causes issues in the family system
  • 41:48 - Being proactive

Links:

Oct 24, 2023

Xavier Dagba is a coach who focuses on shadow integration and trauma informed transformation. He has an inspiring story that emphasizes the power of listening to the voice inside and following your passion no matter the cost. 
Why is shadow work so important? What can you learn from your imposter syndrome? Can envy ever be used in a positive way? Join Jayson and Xavier for a powerful conversation that will change the way you think about yourself and your relationships.

Timestamps:

  • 4:08 - Who is Xavier?
  • 15:15 - How can you learn to listen to the voice inside?
  • 24:18 - Xavier's journey to becoming a mentor
  • 31:07 - Shadow integration
  • 32:41 - Working with envy in a positive way
  • 39:22 - Fatherhood
  • 51:40 - What can imposter syndrome teach us?
  • 1:04:00 - Xavier's advice for kids
  • 1:08:00 - Action step

Links:

Oct 17, 2023

Friends are some of the most important relationships in our lives, but some types of friendships help us grow more than others. Jayson explains why you need to cultivate friendships with people who are comfortable challenging you and who aren’t afraid to go deep. Learn why it's so important to have two of this type of friend and how you can set an intention to foster this type of friendship in the future.

Timestamps:

  • 2:21 - Friends that aren't great for you
  • 3:48 - The type of friend that you need
  • 8:03 - Why you need 2 of this type of friend
  • 10:56 - Setting an intention to go deeper in your friendships

Links:

Oct 10, 2023

Why do people get complacent in long-term relationships? Jayson and Ellen discuss a situation where a couple mutually decided to put their marriage on the back burner to avoid conflict. What are the drawbacks of using complacency as a coping mechanism? Is ignoring your relational needs in order to avoid conflict a sustainable long-term strategy? Tune in to learn how to break out of the complacency trap and get real with your partner today.

Timestamps:

  • 2:22 - Using complacency to avoid conflict
  • 5:30 - Is being complacent okay if it reduces conflict?
  • 7:29 - The drawbacks of complacency as a conflict avoidance strategy
  • 8:37 - When relationship feels like a demand instead of a gift
  • 12:38 - Complacency doesn't solve underlying issues
  • 17:55 - Avoidant people need relationship too
  • 20:22 - Is ignoring your emotional needs sustainable?
  • 23:04 - Standing for three

Links:

Oct 3, 2023

This is a pretty charged issue. On the one hand, some people really believe divorce is one of the major causes of problems in children. On the other hand, newer research suggests that kids are fine coming from divorced families, and in fact may even be more resilient and capable of handling life’s challenges. If you really think divorce is going to mess up your kids, think again…

Timestamps:

  • The erroneous assumption that comes along with divorce statistics [3:30]
  • What is the real issue here? [8:40]
  • The problem with divorce/marriage research [12:20]
  • What I suggest you do if you are in a dead marriage [15:40]

Links:

Sep 26, 2023

What can you learn from divorced people and what can you learn from people who have been married for a decade or two? What are the main differences? There are two and we cover them in this episode with author Mark Manson. We also explore how Mark navigated a big challenge with his now wife and why self-improvement and self-awareness are so essential to long-term partnership.

 

Timestamps:

  • 1:03 - Episode introduction
  • 4:36 - Mark Manson's backstory
  • 8:52 - Common issues and challenges
  • 10:42 - Healthy boundaries
  • 15:28 - How important is it for couples to have friends outside their relationship?
  • 17:13 - Challenges in marriage and how to get through them
  • 26:04 - Is respect more important than communication?
  • 31:17 - How school ill prepares us for life
  • 33:57 - What can we learn from people who have been divorced?
  • 36:50 - Cultivating self-awareness
  • 40:38 - Mark's preferred methods of introspection
  • 42:54 - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
  • 46:24 - Action Steps

Links:

Sep 19, 2023

Explore the wilderness of Colorado with Jayson and Ellen in this upcoming episode. Their backpacking adventure takes an unexpected turn which leads to thought-provoking insights about human interactions, relationships, and the delicate balance between self-expression and consideration for others. Tune in to this discussion that will inspire you to reflect on your own interactions and the impact of your actions on those around you.

Timestamps:

  • 4:04 - The story of the misattuned camper
  • 11:38 - How our behavior impacts others
  • 17:32 - Why our relationship to others matters
  • 20:34 - Standing for three
  • 21:48 - Keeping each other in mind

Links:

Sep 12, 2023

This week Jayson welcomes back a returning guest and good friend, Mark Divine. Together, they discuss the stages of human development, emphasizing the importance of maturing, resolving emotional issues, and achieving full integration as individuals. They cover diverse aspects, from self-connection to various spiritual paths, authentic leadership, and simplifying life for a more meaningful existence. Join Jayson and Mark for a journey into personal evolution and a reflection on the impact of technology on relationships.

Timestamps:

  • 0:46 - Guest introduction
  • 7:04 - Levels of development
  • 9:33 - The five stages
  • 17:12 - Relational development
  •  20:41 - Four frameworks
  • 25:28 - Working on yourself through relationship
  • 27:34 - Spiritual development
  • 30:56 - Doing relational work as a man
  • 36:18 - Moving from doing to being
  • 39:14 - Is distraction a defense mechanism?
  • 41:56 - Being present with your kids
  • 45:11 - Digital distractions
  • 51:51 - Making Integral Theory digestible
  • 54:59 - Dissolving polarity
  • 58:46 - Escaping the maze of victimhood
  • 1:02:17 - What are Mark and Jayson up to currently?
  • 1:05:54 - Action steps

Links:

Sep 5, 2023

Join Jayson and Ellen as they discuss insights from a transformative two-day retreat. From conflict management to embracing the unknown, they uncover using relationships as a path to self-discovery. Tune in for an authentic journey of growth that reshapes your view on human connections.

Timestamps:

  • 2:28 - What happens on a two day retreat with Jayson?
  • 9:53 - Accepting challenges as learning experiences
  • 13:20 - Don't lose your relationship to yourself
  • 16:31 - What does Buddhism have to say about ending the cycle of suffering?
  • 21:06 - What is The Path?
  • 23:37 - What makes relationships a good development path?
  • 26:11 - How long does it take for someone to understand relationship as a development path?
  • 28:33 - Action steps

Links:

Aug 29, 2023

In this episode, Jayson discusses the importance of finding the right coach or therapist. He also explains why you should identify your readiness for change and clarify your specific problem before seeking help. Learn why you should prioritize practitioners who are not only trained in the area you’re targeting but also actively involved in their own personal growth. Find out how to spot the real gems among personal recommendations, endorsements, and online reviews. If money is an issue, Jayson has a great question to ask.

Timestamps:

  • 1:41 - Questions you need to ask as a client
  • 11:17 - Couples work or individual work?
  • 13:26 - Hire a specialist
  • 15:57 - Find a therapist who is doing the work
  • 17:41 - Results matter
  • 20:16 - Good therapists and coaches get supervision
  • 23:09 - How much personal experience does a coach or therapist need?
  • 29:41 - How much should therapists reveal about their personal lives?
  • 32:23 - Reputation
  • 33:59 - Does paying more equal better therapy?
  • 37:16 - Action step

Links:

Aug 22, 2023

Uncover the captivating blend of art and science in relationship coaching. Join Jayson as he guides the way, painting a masterpiece of understanding, growth, and authenticity. Discover the science behind lasting happiness and the significance of deep connections for a fulfilling life. It's not just about belonging; it's about being truly known and loved. Step into a transformative adventure, mastering the art and science of coaching. Embrace your evolution, becoming a beacon of connection in a world craving relational leaders. Enroll in Relationship Coach Training now at relationshipschool.com/RCT. Start your transformative journey today, and become a catalyst for thriving, authentic relationships.

Timestamps:

  • 0:48 - What is relationship coaching and why is it important?
  • 4:23 - The art of relationship coaching
  • 12:31 - The power of the here and now
  • 16:08 - The science of relationship coaching
  • 17:04 - What we know about human fulfillment and life satisfaction
  • 19:29 - The ACEs study
  • 25:51 - Should you become a relationship coach?

Links:

Aug 15, 2023

In our latest episode, Jayson talks with Layne Norton, a distinguished figure in health, fitness, and personal development. Listen to their candid discussion on compassionate communication, setting boundaries, and fostering healthy relationships. Layne's emphasis on breaking free from restrictive food rules and embracing a balanced, joyful relationship with nourishment reflects his dedication to empowering individuals to achieve their health goals. Watch this inspiring episode to learn more and discover how exercise and weightlifting can transform your life, especially after age 40.

Timestamps:

  • 0:45 - Introduction
  • 3:33 - How did Layne Norton get into evidence-based fitness and nutrition?
  • 7:37 - Areas to focus on for long-term health
  • 9:55 - How to avoid eating too much
  • 13:05 - How tracking your food intake can help you make better choices
  • 15:35 - How do you measure food?
  • 20:54 - The ACEs study
  • 30:25 - Empathy and accountability
  • 32:40 - How important is doing the inner work in terms of health?
  • 35:10 - How did Layne's experiences with bullying impact his life trajectory
  • 42:45 - Why is exercise so important for people over 40?
  • 51:30 - Layne's thoughts on food rules
  • 1:01:00 - Why is fiber important?
  • 1:07:40 - Just start doing the little things
  • 1:09:55 - Layne's relationship advice for high-school students
  • 1:12:00 - Where can people find Layne?
  • 1:13:10 - Action steps

Links:

Aug 8, 2023

Are you ready to break free from the chains of victimhood and embrace empowerment? Join Jayson and Ellen in this episode as they dive deep into the complexities of fault versus responsibility. They also discuss the struggle between victimhood and authorship. Explore empowering perspectives, real-life stories, and learn how to transform challenges into personal growth opportunities. You won't want to miss this as they challenge the norms compassionately, fostering self-reflection and self-discovery without blame. Find out what got Ellen saying "Honey, We Should Have Talked Before You Posted.”

Timestamps:

  • 0:53 - Fault vs. responsibility
  • 3:25 - Context
  • 7:00 - Why do people get attached to their victim stance?
  • 16:51 - Finding your part in painful experiences
  • 27:48 - Learning about yourself through painful experiences
  • 32:43 - When to take responsibility
  • 35:23 - Why does resilience vary between people?
  • 43:00 - What you gain by transcending your pain
  • 45:43 - Dealing with victim dynamics as a coach or a therapist
  • 51:20 - How Jayson deals with his victim consciousness
  • 54:09 - Personal development vs. forgiveness
  • 58:58 - Moving from victim to author

Links:

Aug 1, 2023

A brave, smart couple shares their darkest period and how they worked through it. Anyone who has been married for a few years and then adds in a child to the mix will pretty much get rocked. Tripp (host of The New Man Podcast: Beyond the Macho Jerk and the New Age Wimp) and Alyson (psychotherapist, relationship coach) share what happened and how they got through it. From their day-to-day check-ins, emotional distance, and meltdowns to transforming their sex life after kids, we imagine you’ll be amazed and inspired, and hopefully you will walk away with some actionable practices you can implement in your own relationship. 

Timestamps:

  • 7:40 - Guest introductions
  • 10:08 - How did Tripp and Alyson meet?
  • 22:23 - How to deal with it when things are "off"
  • 28:09 - Learning from conflict
  • 31:55 - Learning curiousity
  • 32:40 - Challenging moments
  • 50:53 - Advice for getting through hard times
  • 1:01:03 - How to keep your sex life alive
  • 1:21:10 - Where to find Alyson and Tripp
  • 1:22:47 - Action steps  

Links:

Jul 25, 2023

Join Jayson and Ellen’s in-depth chat as they talk through listeners' questions in this Ask me Anything episode. Betty asks about a tough financial situation, Jean is looking for tips on how to break the toxic cycle of always being told it's your fault by their partner, Christy is struggling to differentiate between love addiction and being in love, and Alyssia is looking for advice on how to handle mixed messages. Tune in as they offer guidance on creating a strong foundation based on mutual respect to build healthy and fulfilling relationships.

Timestamps:

  • 1:12 - Financial conversations
  • 14:05 - Space in a relationship
  • 17:40 - Love addiction vs. being in love
  • 29:23 - Mixed messages

Links:

Jul 18, 2023

Join Coleman Hughes and Jayson as they discuss the multifaceted aspects of the anti-racist movement, evaluating its progress and identifying areas of improvement. Coleman Hughes is a writer, musician, opinion columnist, and host of the popular podcast Conversations with Coleman. His work focuses on race, public policy, and applied ethics. Through this engaging discussion, they strive to foster meaningful conversations, challenge assumptions, and pave the way for a more inclusive and harmonious society.  You won't want to miss this episode, so tune in now.

Timestamps:

  • 4:19 - Who is Coleman Hughes?
  • 5:46 - Jayson's past exploring different viewpoints
  • 8:48 - How does Coleman think about race?
  • 12:29 - Anti-racist thought leaders, past and present
  • 16:09 - The impact of social media
  • 21:25 - Has the modern anti-racist movement made progress?
  • 26:00 - How do we deal with racism?
  • 30:19 - Root causes
  • 36:04 - Tribalism
  • 43:51 - Coleman's advice for white people
  • 50:47 - Affirmative action
  • 53:14 - Positive vs negative life outlooks
  • 56:48 - Coleman's advice for highschool students
  • 58:47 - Action steps

Links:

Jul 11, 2023

Why do people hesitate to speak up in relationships? And how do you speak up  if you are unhappy and unfulfilled in a relationship?  Why do you even need to speak up at that point, right? Many of us fear conflict and believe that speaking up will only make things worse. But let's challenge that notion. Is it a good enough reason to keep your thoughts and feelings hidden? The answer is a resounding no.

The truth is, when we don't speak up, resentment builds. We start to feel a boundary being crossed, and instead of addressing it, we silently grow more and more frustrated. This is often seen in long-term partnerships and marriages, where uncomfortable topics are swept under the rug, creating a cage of unspoken truths. In the workplace, not speaking up can have its consequences too. You may find yourself seeking validation from others who share your frustrations, creating triangles that only reinforce your silence. It's time to break free from this cycle.

In this episode Jayson and Ellen encourage you to find your voice, to share your truth, and to express your needs and desires. It's about reclaiming your power in relationships and fostering an environment where both partners have equal say, share leadership, and value each other's perspectives. It's time to speak up and create a foundation of trust, understanding, and genuine connection. Join us and discover the freedom and fulfillment that comes with being true to yourself.

Timestamps:

  • 2:54 - Why don't people in unhappy relationships speak up?
  • 8:43 - The cost of not speaking up at work
  • 13:47 - The self-betrayal of not speaking up
  • 23:08 - How to start the conversation about holding back
  • 30:00 - Setting boundaries with family
  • 32:52 - Setting boundaries in the workplace
  • 36:21 - Action steps

Links:

 

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