Coaches Neil Sattin and Chloe Urban are a great example of a couple getting it right in the face of some serious challenges. Listen closely and you can snag some of their most helpful relationship tools!

SHOWNOTES:

• Chloe Urban and Neil Sattin’s Love Story [5:00]
• Advice for Couples When Step-Kids Are Involved [11:00]
• Why We Fail To Stand Up For Who We Are In Partnership [25:00]
• Primal Fears [27:00]
• How Does “Safety” Play a Role In Neil and Chloe's Relationship [31:00]
• Tip to Repair Relationship Disconnection [36:00]
• Dr. Pete Levine’s “Vu-ing” Technique for Self-Regulation [41:00]
• Chole & Neil’s Spiritual Practice-Relationship Intersection [45:00]
• When One Member of a Couple Doesn’t Have a Spiritual Practice [50:00]

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Neil Sattin and Chloe Urban visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast195

Jayson met up with renowned couples therapy expert and author, Ellyn Bader, at this year's Interpersonal Neurobiology Conference at UCLA. WOW, was she a treasure trove of insight. Not just theories and concepts, but insight that can be used every day.

SHOWNOTES:

• Who is Ellyn Bader? [3:00]
• Anxiety vs Growth-Promoting Anxiety in Relationship [7:00]
• Three Different Decision-Making Strategies For Couples [16:00]
• Ellyn’s Insight for Therapists [21:00]
• Why Telling Your Partner What You "Need" Can be Problematic [29:00]
• The Confusion Around Differentiation vs Individuation [37:00]
• What Ellyn Means When She Asks, "Are You a Lie Invitee?" [47:00]

For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Ellyn Bader visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast194

Right now, researchers and the public are fascinated with brain science and Dr. Dan Siegel is a legend in that department. Jayson and Dr. Siegel dig in deep in this one, discussing autoimmune disease, rewiring the brain, GMO food, struggles in the therapy field and so much more.d and so much more.

SHOWNOTES:

• Why It’s Important to Have Healthy Adult Relationships for Good Health [12:00]
• Dr. Siegel's Thoughts on Epigenetics [15:00]
• The 5 Parts of Making Meaning [24:00]
• Emotion & The Importance of Subjective Experience [29:00]
• Autoimmune Disorders, Gluten and GMO Foods [41:00]
• Adverse Childhood Experiences and Illness [46:00]
• Where Are Therapist Falling Short And What Are They Doing Well [1:00:00]
• Dr. Siegel's Advice for Young People [1:06:00]

For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast193

A new study shows child abuse should be considered the second largest cause of illness in the U.S.. And yet, our diagnostic system ignores trauma completely. Listen to what trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk has to say about that and get his insight into turning traumatic pain into personal power!

SHOWNOTES:

• Bessel Responds to The Allegations Against Him [10:00]
• 2nd Largest National Health Problem: Child Abuse  [17:00]
• Avoiding Seeing Trauma Victims as Broken People [20:00]
• Why Meds Don't Cure Trauma [28:00]
• Explained: Why Child Abuse Can Lead to More Abuse [38:00]
• The Harm in Telling a Trauma Story Over and Over

For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast191

 Men are getting their world's rocked by the #MeToo movement and the rapid change in gender norms. In this episode, Jayson taps into Adam Gilad's valuable insight on men in the modern world.

SHOWNOTES:

• Who is Adam Gilad & What is Going on With Men Right Now [3:00]
• Men and the #MeToo Movement [8:00]
• Why Does the #MeToo Movement Make Some Men Defensive? [11:00]
• Why Male Identity Ultimately Doesn't Mean Shit [14:00] 
• Mom Issues and Male Rage [18:00]
• Thoughts on Male Conditioning [20:00]
• How do you Help People who Don't Want to be Helped? [23:00]
• What Women Need to Know About men Right now [25:00]

For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast190

This year's Interpersonal Neurobiology Conference at UCLA was a dream for a relationship research and brain science nerd!

If you geek out on that stuff, you'll love hearing the highlights Jayson and his therapist partner, Ellen Boeder, have in their personal conference notes.

SHOWNOTES:

• Antonio Damasio Highlights [5:00]
• Dan Siegel Highlights [8:00]
• Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt Highlights - Safe Conversation [12:00]
• Crazy Listening Statistic [15:00]
• Secure Functioning Relationships and Other Stan Tatkin Highlights [18:00]
• Insight for Therapists and Couples from Peter Pierson [18:00]
• Affairs and Esther Perel Highlights [25:00]
• The Shame of Staying With a Partner That Cheats [29:00]
• Insight from the Couples Panel [31:00]

For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast189

If you're like most people, you spend FOUR HOURS A DAY on your phone and check it ONE HUNDRED TIMES! Is all that time improving your life and the lives of others? If you use social media and want to hear a unique story about rebuilding after a separation, this episode is worth every minute!

SHOWNOTES:

• Who is Mark Shapiro? [5:00]
• Some Social Media Fails [12:00]
• Mark’s Extreme Social Media Experiment [16:00]
• Why do we Avoid Reaching out to Friends Online? [27:00]
• Mark’s First Marriage: Before & After [31:00]
• Showing Appreciation When You're not Feeling it [34:00]
• What was Open Relationship Life Like? [37:00]
• Advice for Couples Considering Divorce [48:00]
• Why Being Real is Important [56:00]

For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast188

In this episode, Jayson breaks down the three stages of long-term relationships, why they matter and what it takes to advance beyond the three stages to the ultimate partnership phase we all desire.

SHOWNOTES:

• Relationship Stage One: Infatuation [4:00]
• Relationship Stage Two is Challenging! [8:00]
• Earning the RIGHT to Get to Stage Three: True Love [9:00]
• Jayson's Fourth Stage: Love 360 [11:00]

 To view this episode's webpage visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast187

Ever heard of a freak accident rocking someone's world and totally changing them for the better? Gay Hendricks has one of those stories!

If you're interested in the mind-body connection and seeking purpose, a forever partner or a new you...listen closely and Gay may just share all the wisdom you need, without experiencing your own life-altering mishap.

SHOWNOTES:

• The Gay Hendrick’s Story [15:00]
• Are You Having the Same Argument Over and Over? [23:00]
• Gay’s Second New Beginning [27:00]
• How to Bring Out Your Inner Genius [33:00]
• The Four Fears and Why They Matter [37:00]
• Taking Time Each Day To Connect With Your Genius [41:00]
• A Story About Physical Pain’s Tie to Relationship Struggle [46:00]

Kids have been getting a lot of attention for troubling behavior recently...committing mass shootings, posting disturbing viral videos and lashing out at their parents with shocking rage. What is going on!?!

In this episode, renowned author and counselor Kim John Payne clears up misconceptions about "disobedient" children and explains how you can bring a balance of power back to your household.

SHOWNOTES:

• Be Inquisitive, Not Accusatory [18:00]
• When a Child is Distressed, Connection is Key  [27:00]
• Why it's a Mistake to Give Kids Too Many Choices [31:00]
• Don't Take it Personally When Your Kid Pushes Your Buttons [45:00]
• Are You "Peer Parenting"? [49:00]
• What You Can Do to Take Back the Leadership Role [58:00]
• Kim's Take on Youth Involvement in Mass Shootings [1:01:00]
• How to Parent Post National Tragedy [1:04:00]
• Your Home the War Zone [1:10:00]
• The Four Types Love & Why We Shouldn't Confuse Them [1:16:00]

For the full web post for this episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast185

Seeking purpose, health and happiness? International educator, best selling author, researcher and human behavior expert Dr. John Demartini can help you find answers! Don't miss this diverse episode with one of Jayson's greatest mentors.

SHOWNOTES: 

• What we do vs. what we say [10:00]
• What's your strategy for achieving your goals? [13:00]
• So you think your job sucks, but does it really? [18:00]
• Illness, symptoms and the mind [20:00]
• Thoughts on reincarnation [26:00]
• Demartini's theories on the rise in autoimmune disease [32:00]
• Is social media making us physically ill? [34:00]
• Demartini's opinions on attachment theory [38:00]
• No such thing as a dysfunctional family [45:00]
• Beware of the "all enlightened" person [50:00]
• Can we train our bodies to sleep less? [1:10:00]
• Cryptocurrencies and financial advice [1:14:00]

To view the webpage for this episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast184

Fighting in front of the kids is a major taboo, but should it be? What if we started treating each conflict in the home as an opportunity for relationship homeschooling?

Jayson Gaddis has spent years teaching kids (including his own) about how to do conflict. News flash: Lectures aren't the answer. Leading by example is!

In this episode, you'll learn how to take your family's authenticity to a whole new level AND ensure the young adults in your life learn how to do conflict from someone who cares about doing it right...someone like you!

SHOWNOTES:

• DO fight in front of your kids [2:00]
• Why it's a mistake to lecture young people [4:00]
• Young people see, young people do [6:00]
• What are conflicts in front of kids like at the Gaddis house? [8:00]
• Shame as a tool [10:00]
• You're action step [15:00]

Check out the webpage for this episode at https://relationshipschool.net/podcast183

Not a fan of your inner critic? Want to get rid of it? What if that negative voice inside isn't your enemy but a valuable part of your internal family?

Author, psychotherapist and founder of the Internal Family Systems Model (IFS), Richard Schwartz, says our true "Self" exists side by side with the many parts that make us who we are. The trick is putting the "Self" back in the driver's seat.

In this episode, Richard and Jayson talk IFS and explore the concept that people are naturally multiple. This one's great for therapists, coaches AND individuals alike!

SHOWNOTES

• Who is Richard Schwartz? [7:00]
• What makes Internal Family System (IFS) therapy unique? [11:00]
• The three goals of IFS [19:00]
• Changing your relationship with your inner critic [22:00]
• Richard's thoughts on co-regulation [35:00]
• Is healing on your own realistic? [44:00]
• Your partner, your "tor-mentor" [49:00]
• Richard's bits of advice and suggested resources [54:00]

Did you know around one in ten marriages starts as a long-distance relationship?

Connor and Vienna are one long-distance couple on their way to marriage and, as professional mentors, they have many gems of wisdom to share. 

Find out what's working for them and see how their insight applies to you!

SHOWNOTES

• Who are Connor Beaton and Vienna Pharaon? [7:00]
• Connor and Vienna's love story [10:00]
• This couple's tips for long-distance couples [20:00]
• The importance of communication in long-distance relationships [23:00]
• What does defensiveness say about a person's relationship priorities? [31:00]
• Balancing autonomy and the desire to be together [39:00]
• As relationship coaches, what advice do these two have for all couples? [51:00]

Wondering HOW The Relationship School® changes lives? If it's really worth it? Curious why more and more people are saying it's life changing and the best thing they've ever done? In this episode, we hear the honest stories of four Relationship School students, each living different lives with unique challenges.

SHOWNOTES

• • • Who are these four women? [9:00]
    • How The Relationship School did what therapy could not [19:00]
    • Community & Commitment make it work [25:00]
    • Relationship School and your kids  [28:00]
    • What is LUFU? [36:00]
    • Get in touch with your needs [41:00]
    • Top reasons to enroll [48:00]

Happy New Year! In this special episode, Jayson shares his candid thoughts on what worked for the Smart Couple Podcast last year, what did not and the changes planned for 2018. We also get Jayson's top ten episodes list from 2017.

SHOWNOTES

• The Smart Couple Podcast: Reflections on 2017 and Plans for 2018 [4:00]
• What's The Relationship School Have In Store for 2018? [12:00]
• Jayson's 2017 Top Ten Episodes List [17:00]
• Hidden Power Of Conflict – Annie Lalla – SC 88
• How To Deal With An Avoidant Partner & Interpersonal Stress – Stan Tatkin – SC 104
• The Neuroscience & Power of Safe Relationships – Stephen W. Porges – SC 116
• Ayahuasca, Trauma, & Relationships – Dr. Gabor Maté – SC 134
• The 4 Freedoms That Develop Masculine Depth & Purpose – Satyen Raja – SC 140
• The Trap of Becoming Your Partner’s Therapist – Danielle LaPorte – SC 146
• My Wife On How To Repair After A Ruptured Connection – Ellen Boeder – SC 152
• Setting Boundaries With Ease, Grace and Love – Terri Cole – SC 156
• Interpersonal Neurobiology – Dan Siegel – SC 158
• Why Spiritually Developed People Struggle With Monogamy – Ellen & Jayson – SC 176

Wondering what you can learn from a millennial couple? Turns out it's quite a bit!

Kiyomi and Joel are a mixed-race millennial couple that discovers how much their culture plays into their relationship. These two high school sweethearts grew up together and their system for growing together as they mature (as we all do) is inspiring.

Think where you come from isn't a big part of your love life? Uncertain a couple so young can offer profound wisdom? Prepare to be surprised!

SHOWNOTES: 

• Kiyomi & Joel’s high school love story [9:00]
• What is Relationship OCD? [12:00]
• Joel’s secret for consistent happiness [17:00]
• Couple discovers being mixed race affects them [21:00]
• Kiyomi & Joel’s conflict management method [29:00]
• What’s the secret to balancing work and relationship life? [35:00]
• Jayson’s advice when planning a wedding [43:00]

Couples that survive the toughest relationship challenges are so impressive! Leahnora and Noah are one of those couples. Cheating nearly tore them apart but they made commitments to change themselves and now they're stronger than ever before.

What did they do? How do they handle the baggage of their past?

Jayson explores the tough questions here. Also, Leahnora and Noah are still working through some common issues around sexuality and conflict and they share vulnerably about this as Jayson gives some relationship coaching.

SHOWNOTES

• • • How did Noah handle the cheating? [9:00]
    • Leahnora & Noah’s personal growth paths [15:00]
    • Defensiveness isn’t always bad [25:00]
    • Their open relationship experience [29:00]
    • How Noah & Leahnora’s fighting style [35:00]
    • Trusting love’s message no matter the cost [40:00]
    • Jayson addresses their sexuality struggles [44:00]
    • When you’re both triggered [54:00]
    • Don’t respond with “That wasn’t my intent” [60:00]

 Is your spiritual growth helping your relationship? Are you collaborating with your partner to better yourself as an individual? Or are you going to your corner of the house to meditate all by yourself?

Their careers as therapists and decades of mediation experience have lead Jayson Gaddis and his wife Ellen Boeder to multiple spiritual development discoveries. Turns out even the most spiritually advanced amongst us struggle with relationships. Jayson and Ellen also encourage couples to discover how collaboration with a partner in times of stress can strengthen each individual.

This episode is full of tips for anyone interested in bettering themselves and their relationship at the same time!

Here are a few highlights:

SHOWNOTES

• How Ellen & Jayson Benefit from Spiritual Practice [2:00]
• Spiritually Advanced People Struggle With Relationships [10:00]
• Strengthening Relationship With Dependence [17:00]
• Calming Down Together [20:00]
• Where Spirituality Alone Falls Short [25:00]
• When “Your” Triggers Should Be An “Us” Thing [33:00]

'Win a Chance to be Coached By Jayson'

To celebrate my first book, The Smart Couple Quote Book and the Holiday Season, I am giving away 3 big prizes. 2nd place) $200 credit for any of my courses, 3rd place) $30 to be used in the Relationship School store and the Grand Prize is a 45-minute coaching session for you or you and your partner from me! Boom! Who's in?

According to John Gray, women are embracing their masculine side and men their feminine side more than ever before and our new behavior is significantly influencing our biology and the new challenges that we face in our most intimate relationships.

John Gray, author of Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, says that as gender roles change, so are our hormones, making many relationships ... well, complicated.

As Jayson finds out in this episode, John Gray is willing to stir up controversy to prove traditional gender roles and behavior shouldn't be abandoned completely if we want to be physically healthy and happy in our relationships.

SHOWNOTES

• Who is John Gray? [9:00]
• Stop the blame game [17:00]
• Putting on your masculine or feminine "hat" [20:00]
• Relationships in the era of gender neutrality [23:00]
• The science behind "male" vs "female" qualities [34:00]
• Is the angry man a feminized man? [39:00]
• Pesticides and hormones [43:00]
• Balancing our male and female sides [54:00]
• Ladies, venting is good for you [57:00]
• Changing diet to correct hormonal imbalance [1:09:00]

The Smart Couple Quote Book is out!

This is a relationship book unlike any other. Add tools to your relationship toolbox with just a minute of reading a day.

You will learn radically simple ways to avoid pointless fights, have better sex, and build an indestructible partnership.

Who is the Smart Couple Quote Book for:

- Singles!
- Couples!
- Friends!
- Coaches!
- Yoga/Meditation Instructors!
- Team Leaders!
- Busy People!
- Lifelong Learners!
- Quote Lovers!

and more....

Take a selfie with your Smart Couple Quote Book for our upcoming photo contest!

Unsure why certain interactions with loved ones get you so upset? Ever struggle to relate to the hardship of others?

Psychotherapist Sharon Stanley says the issue could be trauma, trauma you may not even be aware you have. Once we assess our own trauma we can begin exercising our senses and become more compassionate to others.

According to Sharon, we owe it to ourselves and to each other to consider the pain in our pasts, only then can we embody true empathy!

SHOWNOTES

• • • Who is Sharon Stanley? [6:00]
    • The best ways to connect with a traumatized person [11:00]
    • Interacting with a partner with trauma [16:00]
    • Building strength within the body to address trauma [20:00]
    • The cost of ignoring trauma [25:00]
    • Are you dealing with trauma? [26:00]
    • Is neglect the worst type of trauma? [30:00]
    • The importance of being embodied [35:00]

• What is Zen Parenting Radio? 
• Todd & Cathy’s story
• Cathy’s post-pregnancy identity crisis
• You can’t make your partner like what you like 
• Todd’s wake up call 
• When “husband’ is a loaded term 
• The ugly side of “Happy wife, happy life” 
• Getting out of your kids way 
• Drop the parent “role” and be a role model 
• Keep your parenting baggage to yourself 

Why do so many men use porn? What is it doing for them?

I think it's obvious that porn can ruin your relationship, but what's not so obvious is why so many men use porn. What is going on inside the male brain.

I have my own theories but I wanted to hear from THE porn expert on this...

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

• • • The link between chronic erectile dysfunction and porn use [11:00]
    • How do you know when porn use is a problem? [13:00]
    • Can people use porn in a healthy way? [16:00]
    • Why are people using porn? [19:00]
    • How many women are watching porn? [23:00]
    • Religion and porn [22:00]
    • When men use porn for ‘stress relief’ [27:00]
    • How internet porn is shaping our sexuality [36:00]
    • How to heal porn addiction through relationship [48:00]

I used to try really hard to get people to think I was a good guy. This is another version of the "nice guy syndrome."

And, it had a big cost.

If you are a nice guy, or you are with a "nice guy" you're going to want to listen to this one because it's quite possible the "nice guy" thing is going to really damage your relationship over time (If it hasn't already).

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

• • • About Robert [6:00]
    • How does someone become a Nice Guy? [11:00]
    • Robert’s definition of a Nice Guy [12:00]
    • The paradox of Nice Guy Syndrome [13:00]
    • The cultural belief that ‘masculine is bad' [25:00]
    • The trap of disowning the masculine [28:00]
    • Tips for increasing self-worth [34:00]
    • How to stop people-pleasing [36:00]
    • How to meet your own needs [42:00]